I was wondering how this works. I am a single mom of two boys from a previous marriage. When or if I get married again I was wondering what to expect. I know the kids are my responsiblity but once I get married would this change? Should I expect my husband to help me with the kids? Or because there mine, there still my responsiblity??? My friend and I had a conversation and we had two different point of views. So it got me wondering what other people have done in similiar situations.
2007-01-17 10:52:33 · 16 answers · asked by browneyegirl 3 in Pregnancy & Parenting ➔ Adolescent
My boys love my boyfriend and he loves them. There father on the other hand.....lets just say that my boyfriend has spent more time with them just this year then there own dad. And I only see my bf on weekends. Kinda sad.....but like I said they love him. They say comments like. I wish I was your son. Or I wish he could live with us. My boys want me to marry him because they see how good he is to me and them. I'm just asking this because a the person I was talking to told me that I shouldn't expect anything out of him when it comes to helping me with the kids. I feel opposite so I wanted to know if I was alone on this....but doesn't seem like I am.
2007-01-17 11:07:25 · update #1
This is the 2nd marriage for both my hubby and myself. I have a daughter from my previous marriage, but she is married and has children of her own, so wasn't affected by this marriage.
How-ever, my hubby has 2 daughters from his previous marriage and when we started living together joint decisions were made concerning them.
I treat them as though they are my own daughters, love them the same, punish them the same.
For a relastionship to work, responsibility for children whether yours or your partners must be done jointly. One cannot sit back and let the other be completely responsible.
If you get into a relationship and/or marry a person who has children, then you are also accepting the responsibilty of these children.
2007-01-17 10:56:10 · answer #1 · answered by Brighteyz 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I married a man almost 30 years ago. (we grew up together, but he married someone else and had two children). i was just out of high school when we got together. The kids were 2 and 4. from day one, i considered them MINE. there has never been any discussion of step children.etc. we had two children together and all four kids are brothers and sisters. no-one introduces each other as half siblings. If the man marries you, he marries your children. some say that the discipline should be up to the "biological" parent, but being a parent doesn't mean giving BIRTH to the children. It also depends on if they have any relationship with their biological father. You just need to make sure that everyone in the household gets a long and that there is NEVER a difference in who is who. Just don't jump into a relationship so your sons have a "daddy". Raising kids is the hardest thing you will ever go through and making sure that your children have a stable home life is the most important thing you can give them. Never allow them to play one against the other. GOOD LUCK!!
2007-01-17 11:04:34 · answer #2 · answered by Joannie W 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I married a lady with 4 children. They ranged in ages 5 to 16. I helped raise them as my own. My wife & I agreed to not allow the children to use either of us against the other. A decision by one was a decision by both. The oldest 2 held some resentment for awhile, the younger ones got used to the change rather quickly. Now, 27 years later, there is a closeness between 3 of the 4 that may be better than if I had been their biological father. Share the responsibility and don't take children's part over your new husband. If he isn't willing to share the responsibility, you need to look for another mate.
2007-01-17 11:02:21 · answer #3 · answered by Eddie M. 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Make sure your NEW husband is ready to assume the resposiblities of fatherhood. Tell him it's a package deal from the get go. I married my wife while she had a 3 year old son, and I knew what to expect and what was expected of me. Ultimatley your kids are your responsibility, but that should be shared with your new husband as well. Good luck 2 ya.
2007-01-17 11:00:09 · answer #4 · answered by davelibby321 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Yes, if someone is going to marry you then he should be willing to take on parenting resposibilities. Just make sure the both of you agree on how you want to discipline, my sister is married with a man who has 2 boys from another marriage and they dont agree on discipline. He lets those boys do anything with no consequences and she believes in discipline. I think he feels guilty because his previous marriage didnt work so he lets them do anything, and I think that in the long run they will lose respect for their father.
2007-01-17 11:01:01 · answer #5 · answered by alex77055 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I have a sister who has kids from her first marriage and married agian. Her first hubby didnt want anything to do with their kids because his new wife is being a _itch, she said that those were my sisters kids and dont want him involue in their life. My sister remarried someone who dont really love the kids she thinks the same thing as the other lady. However is dont show it much. The kids are living with my sister and her new hubby. they do have a child together also. Everyone notice how he loves his kid more then my sister's and her first hubby's kids. Alll i have to say to you is be carefull who you chose to be with when you decide you want to be with that person... I dont know about anyone else but personally my kids would come before any guys..... good luck and i hope this dont scare you....
2007-01-17 11:06:03 · answer #6 · answered by molly_tony 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
im living with a man who has a daughter. we will get married some day, and as of right now, when his child is here, she is both of our responsibilities. There are things that I just keep quiet about, such as discipline. Thats not really my place, and if she went home and complained to her mom, I would never hear the end of it. Yes you should expect him to help out with the kids, and if he doesnt then that would be a good sign of how he would be with kids if you had them together. Just because they are yours doesnt meant that if you get married, your husband wouldnt have to do anything... :)
2007-01-17 10:57:36 · answer #7 · answered by whatever21 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If you expect to make a family out of you, your children and a step parent, yes...he should be expected to help with the kids. What I mean is...if you expect him to be a father figure, then he needs to be treated as one. This doesn't mean you allow him to take away YOUR authority...but you need to come to an agreement on how things will be handled before you marry, including defining his role with the kids.
2007-01-17 10:56:09 · answer #8 · answered by Lisa E 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If he did not want to accept responsibilty then he wouldnt be marrying you. He knows you have children and he knows what responsibilities come with them. On the other had, being a child of a woman who remarried (twice) while I was still young enough to need that extra guidence, be ready for your children to rebel against their new step parent. I made it very hard for my mom to date because children tend to be very protective of their parents and want no one else taking their place. And unless there are some circomstances that Im not aware of, please remember that your children have a biological father too
2007-01-17 11:00:51 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I re-married my children are 21,18,14 I only have the 14 at home.My husband would never act as daddy to my daughter they have a civil relationship but she's all mine.His kids on the other hand are 9,11 and 13 and the same goes when we have them on our weekends there his but I do cook and clean for them I do ask them to wash there own plates and I ask them not to eat too much junk food.But discipline is all his there his kids.My husband does help out with my daughter were is needed but not discipline.
2007-01-17 10:59:22 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋