I wrote this poem is it good?

Question

this is a poem i wrote in memory of my youth pastor and leader. (no they did not die)

This is in Memory of those who knew and loved Ted + Shaun…
We thought we would have them forever
And forever & ever is what we thought
Until that one frightful day
On the 2nd of June
It was a day that would soon to become one of the worst days of our lives.
And for some of us, the day that we would last have a youth pastor.
And that was it; they left…within a week of each other
Not leaving us time to heal
From this tragedy we have faced
The last weekend we had with Shaun was not treasured, as it should for we did not know what lied ahead the next week.
That would put us in complete & utter shock
That weekend changed our lives
And we were clueless to the fact
That this would be taken away from us just as quickly as it came to us
So now we are back to square one
…Except for the fact that now we know how to deal with pain
In ways we did not want to face like we did
When someone comes and fills the empty place in our youth group’s gap, not everybody will want to believe that he will be here to stay.
We do not know what lies ahead…
But whatever comes our way we can face..
And deep down will still have that feeling of emptiness like they had just left yesterday.
As long as you knew Ted + Shaun…
The feeling will never ever go away

Answer 1

The sentiment is nice but to be very very honest with you, your grammar needs correcting.
I would edit it and then maybe submit it to the church bulletin.
Other people may be having the same feelings that you seem able to express so nicely in words.
I am sorry for your loss- to lose two people you like in a short time is very hard. I am glad you are able to try to be constructive and write a nice tribute to them.
May you find peace in your remembrance.

Answer 2

'Sounds like a small piece of writing to me. But I'm not an expert at poetry-so don't ask me.

I can tell you though, that from what I've read, it's nice. Has a lot of description in it but it needs a little bit more emotion.

All the best!!

Answer 3

I disagree with the person who said it needed more emotion because I thought it had WAY too much emotion. It sounds as if they died....tragically. If a teacher or counselor or coach moves on, it shouldn't be such a crushing blow. You can miss someone but this really was overkill...."utter shock" "changed our lives", etc. Too much!

Answer 4

TO ME IT DOESN'T SEEM LIKE A POEM, ITS MORE OF A LETTER. BUT ITS GOOD, AND YOU REALLY GET YOUR POINT ACROSS, LIKE THE FIRST PERSON SAID PUT IT UP IN THE CHURCH AND IF YOU KNOW WHERE THE PASTERS HAD GONE YOU CAN SEND THEM A COPY OF THIS.

Answer 5

Hey,,

If u feel its good then its good
if u feel its better then its better
if u feel this is the best then it is.........

Why do u care about others