does she have talent or not......???

Question

please review my friend's poem and give honest reviews.. its copyrighted. thanx

LOVE IS BLIND

Never knew love could be so blind
All this time professing to be in love
Failing to see the real me that was suffocating inside
Love wouldn't hurt me,
Love would only want to protect me.
I don't know why I felt in love and yet I felt pain at the same time
I was blinded by my youth
Hurt by my past
So wounded somehow forgot my way back home
I loved you enough to forsake all my worth,
I now see that it was all a form of insanity
So beautiful and young
You destroyed everything I stood for
My beauty was gone on the day you left me wounded
But as I leap like a wounded dog
I know that my future is bright and my blindness is gone.

Answer 1

A wounded dog? Should it be sleep like a.....Or lie?maybe change it to suit a dove or something.
As a pigeon is known to find its way home

Just a thought ,that line threw me that's all
Blind,love,suffocating,hurt,
youth,home,beautiful and young, 'DOG'
see what I mean,

Also ,too many I's for me, It makes it personal to the writer(like a me me me scenario)
it would probably still be the same poem without them.try losing some of them

swap a few lines round
maybe make it like your asking someone
as people like to feel involved.play around with it without losing its
content. I'm sure even the best of them chop and change before putting them out
good luck you may well have talent.

Please please don't be offended by my cheesy attemt at rewriting it.It's just a bit of fun, no offence meant at all.
I love poems that rhyme

Never knew love could be so blind
professing to be in love all this time
Failing to see the real me slide
and that I was suffocating deep inside
How could love hurt me,
surely love should protect me.
A love that was shadowed by too much pain
A blind naive youth that I will never regain
Hurt by my past,even more so now
forgot my way home felt lost somehow
loved you enough to forsake all my worth,
So beautiful and young,always putting you first
Crazy in love how true this can be
Now I am aware of the insanity
You destroyed everthing I stood for, Why, How could you
The day you left me wounded my beauty left too
But like a newly fledged dove I take to the skys
My future coming clearer with out the blindness or tears in my eyes.

I know its rubbish I'm not a poet .But I had fun doing it
Thanks

Answer 2

Ok, I am going to be honest with you. It's not bad, but it's not amazing. If she's just writing poetry as a hobby or maybe to share with a creative writing class then great, if she wants to get published as a poet then I think she's going to struggle. There are poetry competitions on the internet which you can enter with a prize for the winner, but all entries basically regardless of what they are get published in a book and you would be able to buy the book, so in this way she could get her poetry in a collection, or might be a nice thing for you to do for her as a present. However I'm sorry but I don't think she will get her own collection of poems published in her own right, the literary world is difficult to break into however talented you are. I will try and explain why the poem is average. Firstly, she has taken an obvious cliche, love is blind to base the poem around, and the problem with using a cliche is that it will have been used in this manner before and you need to do something original with it. I also don't like the wounded dog simile, it doesn't really make sense or fit, why would a wounded dog leap, surely it would limp. What I do like about it is that it has a rawness about it and sounds quite real, but it's a bit all over the place. She says she thought she was in love, then she was wounded and her beauty gone, now she is looking forward to a bright future, it doesn't quite make sense. Also she mentions that she was blinded by her youth and hurt by her past. With this kind of emotional poetry, you should aim for the reader to feel sympathy or moved, but it is difficult to understand why she was hurt by her past, we don't know what her past is. I think it would be better if she tried to just concentrate on her love leaving, or being betrayed, just one thing. Also, it is more difficult to write good poetry that doesn't rhyme. When you write in rhyme you can be forgiven for things which don't quite make sense as they rhyme, but when it is just a passage of your words it is easier to be critical. I would see what the response you get on here is like, but people may just say they like it because it is what they think you want to hear. If most people genuinely are very impressed, then ignore me as the poem has the potential for mass appeal. But if some like it and some don't, then those that like it wouldn't neccessarily look for more of her poetry. Anyway tell her to keep writing whatever, I think she should join a creative writing class where she can have an outlet for her work, opinions and pick up advice.

Answer 3

Everyone will feel different about it some people praise Picasso as a legend of the arts and some people just think it's stupid. Theres probably not one thing in the world that every living being enjoys expect the good and the bad but its more important that the creator likes the work and finds a part of them in it.

Answer 4

Wrong Wrong Wrong.
Go to the back of the class and please try harder.

Lets see if we can make a little progress here shall we.

Its a poem.

Its commonly required to have a set rhythm and timbre to it.
Note the 'commonly' used then.
A true poet puts across a meaning using words OF THEIR OWN RHYTHM!

Forget writing to please the masses, you never will.
Waiting for praise as a poet can make you ill!
If what she wrote, is read and you stifle a sob,
I believe that poet has done her job!

Tell her to look and read it.
Does it flow, Does it FEEL.
Yes?
NO?
Maybe so?
You're the one you have to please,
Dont bow to the crowd.
If you believe its your best work.
Tell them and tell them LOUD!


P.S. yes it is good although a little short on the classic pitch and rhythm but that isn't as important as style.
The style is good. Tell her to keep at it.

Answer 5

Hmm... I even have somewhat some. no longer which skill to gloat or something.... Horse lower back driving, making a music, enjoying piano, Martial Arts, curler skating, and so on. something it truly is stressful (like actual stressful) i will do. No suggestions artwork even with the undeniable fact that. My suggestions is the weakest ingredient on me LOL

Answer 6

It would pass for song lyrics, maybe she should progress that way, a major poet I do not see, but perhaps she could move the same way that Dylan did, mulyrical poetry.

Answer 7

It is definitely well written, a bit depressing but I can see it is made to be that way. It does remind me of my younger days though...lol Prayers =)

Answer 8

Sounds like Britneys new song.(what she should write afetr dumping that loser anyway)
It's okay, didn't move me or anything, but I'm not really a poetry person.

Answer 9

She's good. I like it. I am not easy to impress:)
It's very rare to read something on this forum that is actually spelled corrctly, typed correctly, uses good grammar, and on top of it all- is articulate!
WooHoo!

Answer 10

It's inspired me to writ a poem, I've titled it, simplicity.

no