I was in love with a married man...I had his baby...he told his wife about the affair but he told her that the baby isnt his...so they are denying it to anyone who asks and so am I...he told me he loved me and he was going to leave her...and then once he told her about me he ended up staying with her and really hurting me...I have heard rumors that she wants to fight me for custody could that actually happen? I havent heard anything from them and baby is 4months old now any advice?
2007-01-17 10:47:01 · 21 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
And no she doesnt know the whole story he told her it was a one time thing and it wasnt....him and I started off as bestfriends and then it turned into something that I thought was really special...he told me that he wanted out of his marriage and I know I should have waited until his marriage was over.....but I didnt and obviously his marriage did not end... I am sure if she knew the whole story she wouldnt be with him anymore but he asked me not to tell her the truth about him and I because he wanted his marriage to work now and so I did not tell her....I know I was wrong to get involved with a married man but I believed him when he told me he was leaving her....
2007-01-18 02:03:31 · update #1
u made a mistake, trusting a married man, believing him, all was probably fine until u got pregnant, now u are more of a liability than an assett to him, as he was always in it for selfish reasons anyway. u are quite naive and thought this man loved u, but when u go against the will of god, do u really expect to be happy? not downing u or anything, she can't get custody of your kid, unless the child is in danger or being hurt, so go file for child support, make the creep pay. your baby is entitled to support, ignore them completely. think she is just saying she will try to get custody so u will hear it and not sue him for support, just a form of intimidation honey. don't let them beat u down, u made a mistake but so did he. now it is time for him to pay the piper.
2007-01-17 10:57:52 · answer #1 · answered by jude 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think the big difference is that you're making a decision, and the girls who are having kids that young obviously screwed up and made a mistake and are now going to pay for it for the next 18 years, didn't have much choice after they found out. They made bad decisions, and have to suffer the consequences, people telling them they're too young to have a kid isn't going to change that it's happened. You, on the other hand, are willfully making a decision to change your life, and it hasn't happened yet, and people feel like their opinion should be heard, because they think you're making a mistake and maybe they can convince you they're right. I, for one, will ridicule anyone who has a kid before their legally allowed to vote, drink alcohol, buy porn... I mean, come on! You're a kid, how do you expect to raise a kid? But, someone who's already had a kid, what am I going to accomplish by telling them how dumb they are? The reason people are so critical of people getting married young is because the statistics show they, more often than not, end in divorce. That's just the numbers. And, if they're a bit older, will tell you that they changed drastically between 18 and 25. If I was dumb enough to marry the guy I thought I was in love with when I was 18, or even the other guy I thought I was in love with when I was 21-22, I'd be in a world of hurt right now... and quite probably divorced. But, some people meet the people they spend the rest of their lives with when they're 12, so who am I to tell people it's not right? Bottom line: you know what you want. If you want to get married and know you're ready, blow those people off. Tell them you don't appriciate their opinions, and would love it if they could support you and your decisions. Really, they're just trying to help, but end up hurting your feelings without really realizing it.
2016-05-24 01:27:05 · answer #2 · answered by ? 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I could go on and on about the morality of your situation but I will let everyone else do that.
Get a lawyer make sure you have SOLE Custody and a Paternity test. This happened to my husband and he found out about the pregnancy/baby as his divorce was finalizing. Long story as you can guess. Your baby's father will have to pay child support, half of daycare, keep insurance on the baby and pay half or even all of the uncovered expenses. He is the father... make him take responsibility. My husband had to fight to be able to see his daughter because he wouldn't marry the Mom she decided he could never see her. If you go for all of the above, and even if you don't, he is entitled to visitation. I believe he can surrender his parental rights however I believe in some states he still has to pay until he/she is adopted by your new husband.
As far as the father and his wife getting custody of your baby.... He as the father would have to file a petition with the courts to try and get custody. She has no clout in court as far as getting custody. She can only support her husband and love the child. Unless you are a drug user, parade men through your home, drink and drive or put your child in harms way.... they will never take her from you. My husband had so much dirt on the Mother of his daughter, she was and still is a terrible mother. The courts are still very "Mother gets the kid" oriented. Good for you but really bad for my husband and his daughter.
Because she is so young, I doubt they would let him take the baby overnight yet. They usually like to wait till they are a year old. Every court and lawyer is different.
Good Luck!!
2007-01-17 11:11:10 · answer #3 · answered by RaLoh 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
What i don't understand is why would you choose to have an affair with a married man? Come on your so much better than that..You should have expected he would never leave his wife, You set yourself up to be hurt by him, You let him do this to you..
You now have a child,he or she i am sure is beautiful, all baby's are..Take care of the little one focus all your attention on your child, This child didn't ask to be brought into this kind of situtation, I feel so bad for your child..Could they fight you for
custody? h e l l yeah they can try..Get a lawyer!!But they have to prove you unfit, Ect ect.. Could be a battle..so prepare your self if they are serious about taking the child away..Be the best Mom you can be Love your baby,Take care of he/she, make this child your entire world,Nothing else should matter only your child..But its truly sad that this had to happen, It hurt alot of people, and now your child is the one that may suffer from you making the wrong decisions..
I wish the best life for your child..Good Luck to you also..
2007-01-17 11:11:35 · answer #4 · answered by Shem 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You reep what you sow....
Quite honestly, yes he may have told you he was leaving his wife, but obviously he didn't and he's not going to. Your first mistake was sleeping with him, your second was believing him. I don't think she can really fight you for custody, he would have to do that, but if he told her the baby wasn't his, then why would she want it? Unless he came clean and told her it was his. If he was having an affair with you, then his married life couldn't have been that great at the time. If I was in your situation, I'd be taking him to court for child support. You didn't get pregnant yourself and you shouldn't have to raise it yourself either. You both made the mistake and there is no reason you should have to deal with it yourself.
2007-01-18 08:51:21 · answer #5 · answered by Jen G 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
ouch! She's crazy to stay with him after he's had an affair. Are you sure she knows the whole story? Then again if she's considering fighting for custody of the baby, she must know that it is half his. I'm afraid to say that they both can fight for custody of the baby because it is half his, however, I'm betting that due to his poor character (cheating on his wife) he isn't likely to get it. I hope you learned your lesson though: Never believe what a married man tells you. Most of them don't leave their wives. See the new movie Match Point. Its' about a married man, who cheats on his wfie gets his girlfriend pregnant.
2007-01-17 12:43:54 · answer #6 · answered by stripedbook 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Contact a lawyer immediately to establish paternity and collect child support. If he is denying he is the father, how can he fight you for custody? You need to make sure you have some sort of steady income to support you and your child, should this matter get to court. Take the first legal steps to protect yourself, and a good family lawyer is a step in the right direction.
2007-01-17 10:59:53 · answer #7 · answered by artist-oranit.com. 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
First thing, DON'T EVER GET INVOLVED WITH A MARRIED MAN!
Time heals all wounds. If he cheated on his wife with you, what makes you think he won't cheat on you with someone else?
Cheaters never prosper!!!!!!!
No one will take your baby away unless you can't support it or you're an unfit mother.They will have to prove it though. You sound as if you're a good mom. Just take care of you both, live life to the fullest. Have faith in God and ask Him to take care of you. You'd be surprised how good everything will turn out.
One last thing, get child support. If they deny the child, paternity test are there to prove it. Good Luck, Sweetie.
2007-01-17 11:31:04 · answer #8 · answered by GreenIce10 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
He has every right to get that baby as much as you do...legally. Not only was he cheating but if you knew he was married then it was as much your fault as his.But nevertheless,the court could care less if he is a "cheater" this isnt a matter with you and the wife its between you and him only..SHE cant get custody...and please remember and stand your ground dont let her stick her nose where it doesnt go....when you go to court, I am sure he will try to make it look like your some dirty tramp who knew and was a ho and etc...which isnt a correct assumption...
More than likley it will end up being joint custody....unless he is a drunk with no job and a woman beater....
Please do whatevers best for your baby....Good luck
2007-01-17 10:59:04 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
If he is your child's father why would you deny that in public? Get a DNA test and get child support. I would think that it would take a lot to get a judge to take a child away from their mother so be responsible and you won't have to worry about anyone getting custody of your baby. Forget about your feelings, you put yourself in this situation he stayed with his wife get over it and now do what you need to do for your child and hold that man accountable for his child.
2007-01-17 11:03:04 · answer #10 · answered by Forever_Young 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋