I've been with my partner for nearly 2 years and we've been living together about 8 months. Just lately things dont seem to be going so well between us. We seem to be more like friends who share a house and a bed than people in love and engaged! neither of us are very happpy like this, but also neither are sure where to start freshening it up as it were! we still love each other and theres no question of not wanting to be together . How can we wake up that spark again? its more gone to sleep than really gone.
2007-01-17 10:41:25 · 21 answers · asked by serephina 5 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
it sounds as if - you have just become comfortable together.
Thats a great position to be in.
its not just about sex, why are you asking the question? Try making a little special time, take a bath together and take an early night... but personally, I think that you have something nice :-)
2007-01-17 10:45:00 · answer #1 · answered by ~Mustaffa~Laff~ 4 · 0⤊ 1⤋
I think that when two people move in together it seems like some of that spark is lost after awhile because youre adjusting to a new step in a relationship before possible marriage, maybe even some guilt for wondering if you should of been married first. This is very common, Now you don't have to wait to see eachother or set up meeting arrangements, the person is always there. Try staying out of the house together more often, when you sit around the house all night youre going to get bored anyways, and you associate that boredom with you partner and thus, feel like it could be them bringing you down, Movies and Dinner and trips to the city, anything to keep the two of you interested and entertained.
2007-01-17 10:51:57 · answer #2 · answered by jwilks4x4 1 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Maybe you need to do some things separately ie hobbies etc. out of the house so that when you are together you have different and interesting things to discuss with each other. Also try and make one night a week where you dress up and go out together, either alone or with friends. My husband and I always go out together on a Friday night for dinner and then maybe to a club/pub afterwards. It is our "date night". One thing that you may find very old fashioned but I think works is before he comes home brush your hair and put on some lipstick/change your old tshirt etc. My mother used to tell me this but I poo poed it when I was married before but now I do it all the time in my 2nd marriage and my husband always comments on how nice I look. It is about making an effort, that's not to say he will do the same but at least you are. Good luck.
2007-01-17 20:57:27 · answer #3 · answered by jaygirl 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Relationships go through phases. If you're committed you'll stick no matter what. Each partner's goal should be to please the other and be willing to sacrifice their own happiness. If that is present in the relationship then it will last forever. Don't argue over petty issues. Do little things. Appreciate one another. You can't expect hot passion every day/night of your life. Romance novels and soap operas are fictional. If you love the guy and he loves you then you don't have a problem. And getting married won't solve it either. Good idea though.... Take a vacation sometime. A cruise is usually good. All you have to do is get on the ship and enjoy yourselves. Try cooking together. Working out together. Give each other massages.
2007-01-17 10:48:33 · answer #4 · answered by MIKE B 1 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Is ti "not going so well" or has it just "gone to sleep" as I see those as two different situations. It's hard to give a suitable answer without knowing if it's just the case of making the effort to go out and do stuff, or if you have real issues that need confronting.
If it is just the case that you have gotten into a rut, it's a simple solution, get out of the rut, change stuff, either together or apart, and then come back and share experiences. But if you see kids in the future, you may not then have the ability to get out, and you do need to be happy in your rut. Then it's little things like sitting down to a proper meal on a regular basis.
Its the case of you talking to him and coming up with ideas.
2007-01-17 11:00:11 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Go out on date, make some effort to spend time together outside of the house ie dinner, walks, movies. If money is an issue, make a romantic dinner at home, spice up things in the bedroom by doing things you haven't done, or playing out fantasies (ones that you obviously can). You just have to remember that every relationship goes through it's ups and downs and I am sure this rough patch won't last long.
2007-01-17 10:45:32 · answer #6 · answered by Danru 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Hi hon
Its the same old chestnut...you've just got all comfy and cosy really...there are a few things that you can try, one of them is to write down on a slip of paper what you would like or feel....either to with the bedroom or just main life...and the same for your partner....put these slips in the box and then both take one out once a day or whatever you both feel comfy with....then talk about it openly and honestly......your be surprised what you find out! The main thing to remember is that you both should act on what you read.
good Luckkkkkkkk
2007-01-17 10:52:56 · answer #7 · answered by Jp 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
SIMPLE. Go on a romantic vacation so you two can get the sparks back. As a matter of fact Valentines day is coming up you two could go on a romantic getaway during that weekend. There are hotels/ B&B's that have cheap Valentines day packages. I found one for my mom and her boyfriend. That one person was right it does sound like you two have become very comfortable.
2007-01-17 10:50:31 · answer #8 · answered by . 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Me and my partner still date. He gets ready and goes out while I get ready. He arranges a taxi to pick me up at a certain time so I don't know where I'm going and we meet as if we're on a blind date. It brings back a lot of old memories and reminds us of why we're together as well as making new ones. Also, Salsa classes - really, forced intimacy, puts a bit of spice in anything and they're v.popular right now so you should have no probs finding one.
2007-01-17 10:48:38 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
It just means that you two are comfortable together now. Going out wouldnt hurt you two. Go to the favorite spot (where you met, the first kiss spot etc, etc), dinner, rose petals, bubble bath and so on. Its good that the relationship isnt about sex all the time. But it is good to have a sex life with your partner, thats a healthy relationship.
2007-01-17 11:22:48 · answer #10 · answered by Sweet 1 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Try some new things. Go on a trip together. Find something you both like to do. Punch a punching bag together. Go for a hike. (Exercise pumps up the labido too. :) )
Have a romantic dinner someplace. Ask him what would turn him on, be brave and try it. The possibilities are limitless.
2007-01-17 10:49:08 · answer #11 · answered by a_lot_smarter_now 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋