please correct me ????

Question

need to write paragraph with 8 sentenses about " the number of automobile accidents in my town can be reduced."

Please correct me ????!!!!


The number of automobile accidents in my town can be reduced by paying more attention to the road. While driving in the city forget about cellphone in your bag. When driving need to have 2 hands on the wheel. While driving always need to look at the road sighs. have to drive without hostility. While driving never take eyes of the road. When the weather is bad atay at home or need to alow down. need to take some courses for drving more safety. Also need to add more trffic lights.

Thanks for checking and helping.....

Answer 1

The number of automobile accidents in my town can be reduced if drivers learn better road safety skills.
When driving, forget about using a cell phone.
Always keep two hands on the wheel when driving.
Make sure to pay attention to all road signs.
Never drive in a hostile mood and avoid "road rage."
Always look at the road ahead, not passengers or other distractions.
In poor weather, drive slower or stay home if possible.
Take the proper driving safety courses and pay atterntion to them.
The government can also help reduce accidents by adding more traffic lights.

I don't know what grade you are in so I don't know what is acceptable.

Try to avoid using 2nd person (you, your) If you can't get rid of them, replace them with one. ex. One must drive slower.

Get better sentence variety at the beginning of sentences.
Avoid starting all sentences with when , while, etc.

need to take some courses for drving more safety. Also need to add more trffic lights. - these aren't actual sentences, they have no subjects.

Check your spelling

Spell out numbers, two instead of 2

Also, the last sentence has nothing to do with your topic sentence-your first sentence. Replace it with something that individual drivers can do, like "Slow down at intersections to look for pedestrians and cross-traffic"

Hope this helps and that you actually learn something here and don't just copy and paste what I wrote.

Also, you said it needs 8 sentences, unless this is just a minimum, you need to take one out

You should also have a concluding sentence that sums up your point without just repeating the topic sentence.

Answer 2

this paragraph is boring. don't use "while driving" at the beginning of more than one sentence.
i went through and made some corrections, but it still needs improvement


The number of automobile accidents in my town can be reduced by paying more attention to the road. While driving in the city, forget about cellphone in your bag. When driving, you need to have two hands on the wheel. While driving, you always need to look at the road signs. Try to drive without hostility and never take your eyes off the road. When the weather is bad, stay at home or slow down on the road. Everyone needs to take a course in driving safety. Also, it would help to add more traffic lights in busy intersections.

Answer 3

The number of automobile accidents in my town can be reduced by (simply) paying more attention to the road. While driving in the city(,) forget about (the) cellphone in your bag (and) (be sure) to have 2 hands on the wheel (at all times). While (on the road), (the driver) (should always) look at the road sig(n)s (and should) drive without hostility, (obeying all speed limits). (Most importantly,) never take (your) eyes (off) of the road. When the weather is bad(,) (either) (choose to) (s)tay at home or (be sure to) (s)low down (your driving speed). (If the city were to offer) some courses for (drivers), (instructing them how to) (drive) safe(l)y, (and) add more trffic lights, (that could also help)

Answer 4

The number of automobile accidents in my town can be reduced by paying more attention to the road. While driving in the city people should ignore their cellphones and not answer them. When driving you need to have both hands on the wheel. While your driving pay attention to signs and construction sites. Have to drive without hostility and be keen. While driving never take eyes of the road. When the weather is bad stay at home or take caution bey driving slowly. There should be more courses for driving safety. Also, more traffic lights need to be put up and maintained.

Answer 5

The first sentence is good. I think everything after that needs help.
Sentence 2: comma after "city", "the" after "about"
3: comma after "driving", spell out "2" to "two"
4: comma after "driving", add "you" after "driving", signs is spelled with "n"
5. Add "You" at the beginning of the sentence
6. comma after "driving", "your" after "take", off is spelled with another "f"
7. comma after "bad", add "you" after "or"
8. Start the sentence with "You", change "safety" to "safely"
9. Say who needs to add mnore traffic lights.

Try to vary the beginning of your sentences instead of just saying "When driving" or "While driving". It gets reduntant.

Answer 6

Make the sentences more classy. Add words to spice up the sentence and make it more appealing. Oh! its really nice. "forget about THE cellphone..."