I decided to quit my job last month as I could not take the pressure anymore. However, I made this decision impulsively as it was bringing me down. Now I am looking for a new job but he says I should have waited until I have a new job. He says now I am worried and stressed and he says I should have been more thoughtful. Morever, he told me today that he is quite upset that I did not consult him about it and did not include him in the decision-making. Can you explain to me why? We are not married and we do not live together, we do not share any financial responsiblity.
2007-01-17 09:56:58 · 45 answers · asked by violet b 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
"He" means my boyfriend.
2007-01-17 10:02:02 · update #1
Who is he?
Okay, he either is worried about you and cares for you, or he is a power needy person and needs some control in your relationship.
Btw why is this in the marriage/divorce section?
2007-01-17 09:59:59 · answer #1 · answered by Luna 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Although you do not have to ask him his opinion to make your own decision as you do not live together as you say, it is still understandable that he should feel upset.
This is such a big decision, so I assume that he felt excluded.
I mean this is the type of thing that would prevent you from findind sleep at night; make you feel depressed, and usually you do want to talk about it to someone close, family, friends or a significant other, if not to help you make up your mind, at least to vent your anger and frustration and have some moral support.
So, yes, it would make him feel that he doesn't belong to any part of your life quoted above.
Where does he stand?
I mean I did the same thing a few months ago, and I didn't have a significant other to talk to, but did talk to all the rest, and the advice were different: I should have waited till I had something lined up/ I did the right thing....
So, even though he's not supporting you financially, he does think that you two have something going, and he's thinking long term; And possibly wonders if you will always react like that in the future? If you're going to exclude him? If that's the type of person you are, irresponsible and impulsive? What about if you had bought a house?
I think that your boyfriend is very sensitive and does envisage a future with you, and that's the reason why he felt so hurt and possibly worried.
You need to ask yourself where he does stand in your life, and if he does have a place, then you do need at least to share things with him, and even though you end up making your own decision, you need to either make him a part of your life or let him know where he stands.
Good luck.
You seem to have a good guy here. Despite your pride, think hard before booting him away.xx
2007-01-17 10:34:19 · answer #2 · answered by Kc 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Since He is prob a husband or live in partner I'd say you should have consulted him first, and or lined up a better job first. Everyone has stress at work is your more then the next person? Should he be forced to carry 100% financial responsiability b/c you thought your job was too tough. DId you think thru your money situation, do you have enought to pay the bill next month? If the answer is no then you made a very poor choice
2007-01-17 10:06:47 · answer #3 · answered by Answerman 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
He is so wrong and should be more supportive of you.It shouldnt matter where you work to him so long as you make it.Its really none of his bussiness take the first thing that comes along and you will releive some of that stress.I mean you can work fast food even and move up into management later but a checks a check.Why is he stressed because your broke?What an ***.Sorry.When your not married there is no reason to consult him and he is not your Daddy so what gives?Did he lose respect for you when you switched jobs?Did your old job offer prestige or perks he got to enjoy?Did you pay the way more often then ? He may just want to control you too.Best wishes
2007-01-17 10:08:38 · answer #4 · answered by butterflyspy 5 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Unless you are borrowing money from him, he's paying your bills or something he has no reason to question your decisions. I hope you let him know that you are not OBLIGATED to discuss or consult with him about any choices you make. He is not your husband and your decisions only effect you, not him.
At the same time if you want a future with this control freak, then let him know that you know the difference b/c he might look at this situation as an example of what the future holds if you were to get married.
2007-01-17 10:25:44 · answer #5 · answered by Forever_Young 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Your b/f sounds controlling. If you were married or living together, his complaints would be quite reasonable.
If you share no financial responsibilities then it's none of his business what you do with your job or your finances.
I do happen to agree with him however that it's a bad idea to quit a job before you have one. Also, you did create a rather stressful situation for yourself.
But as long as you don't expect him to fix these problems for you, none of this is of his concern. I don't understand him being upset but I can see him being concerned. There is a difference.
He sounds controlling. Maybe this is a part of your life you should not share with him?
Hope you find a job soon.
2007-01-17 10:10:18 · answer #6 · answered by DearAbby 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I'm assuming this is you boyfriend you speak of here. Maybe the reason he is concerned is because he looks to have a future with you, and wants to know the two of you can discuss financial matters together. He may have marriage on his mind. Maybe not in the immediate future, but the idea could be there. Or maybe he feels the need to take care of you, and make sure you don't do anything you might regret-like a good friend. Perhaps he doesn't like to see you upset or worried, and that really bothers him. Not that he's angry with you, but he cares about you.
2007-01-17 10:03:35 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋
Because, he assumed that you are not going with any of your emotional issues and keep your end of the bargain of the finacial burdens and responsibility, of taking care of your self. And you guys are not married, and he is watching your habbit now, before marriage, then I would really examine your relationship with him.
He is going to make sure if marry, that you will put 50/50 in all of the bills paying, and you probably will do the house cleaning chores on your own, and children, well that will be all of yours too, he just going to do what was agreed on the first place, and leaving you with alot of responsibilites. Beware!!!!!
Why should you consult him the first place? He is not your Husband and you do not have to submit to him in everything! Now on the other hand, with him being your husband, you will submit to him in everything! Just seeing his controlling issues he has, and he is testing you for wife material of full surrendering to him,and obedience. So is this man is the one, that you can fully trust and rely on making all and the final decsions on your behalf?
I know this might be a bit to much for you to take and just a bunch of bull****, just a older woman just seeing some things in your question and story, that he, the boyfriend is extremely controlling!
You take care hun, and be careful, and don't let him bring your spirit down!
2007-01-20 06:01:26 · answer #8 · answered by ourjacobdavid 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
He is afraid he might have to carry your share of the financial burden probably. Why should you consult him if you are not living together. Contrary to popular belief, it is very difficult to find a new job, interview, etc. while employed. I have never been able to get an interview that didn't require my taking off time from work. We all have to help shoulder the burden once and a while; you did what was best for you...maybe that's what is bothering him...you didn't think about his "needs" and insecurities first.
2007-01-17 10:06:22 · answer #9 · answered by smecky809042003 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Violet, if you are in a committed relationship, and I am assuming you are talking about your boyfriend or fiance, even if you do not live together, and if you are talking about marriage someday, then it would be wise to share everything with him. He's probably wondering if you will do impulsive things like that without talking to him about it after you two are married. It would have been smarter to at least contact a temporary agency or two before you quit your job. Why don't you contact one now?
2007-01-17 10:03:42 · answer #10 · answered by StrawberryShortcake 3 · 2⤊ 0⤋
He's fulfilling his male role by looking out for you...it's natural for men to want to protect us. You made a risky decision, and he is probably worried for you. Men usually make decisions based on logic, and women based in emotion: it's likely he realizes this and think he could have helped prevent it. It might be frustrating since you're not married, but try to look at it from his perspective.
2007-01-17 10:11:21 · answer #11 · answered by Anna 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋