I am very depressed about my life?

Question

I don't know what to do anymore. My marriage is unhappy. I really want to be a mom and hubby is not "ready". I have thought about leaving my husband and adopting a baby. At least I will be away from my controlling, lazy husband and have my greatest wish: to be a mom!
My husband does not realize (or doesn't care) that after 35 you become a high risk pregnancy. I am almost 35! He wants to keep putting it off to pay off bills and buy furniture and get braces and stuff. I am so despondant. I want a baby!

Answer 1

You really have to speak to him and work out whether he wants a child full-stop. If you have been married a while and he is still not willing to committ to a baby, then maybe it is just not something he has any desire be a part of. Maybe he is putting you off simply because doesn't know how to tell you he doesn't want his life to go in that direction and is afraid if he tells you he is not keen, then you will leave him. You should ask him honestly, out of fairness to you, how he really feels about the issue.

If he decides he doesn't want any or isn't going to committ to a child in the next few years, then you have to weigh up what is important to you and whether you want to stay in the relationship.

Answer 2

I have had several babies and I can tell you that you do not want to do it alone. They're all a huge challenge. And people who want a baby often forget that they grow up into toddlers and teenagers!!!! Trust me, you don't want to do that alone. Nobody in their right mind would WANT to do it alone. It is a hard enough task doing it with somebody else.

After you reach an age where you consider yourself too old, you would then consider adoption instead. If what you want is to give your love to a child, who cares if the child is biologically yours? So stop worrying about the biological time clock thing. I've known women to give birth at 41 -- no big deal. That may or may not be something you would consider but my point is that there are options. There's no need to rush this.

You need counseling because you can't compromise on a baby. There is no way to sort of have a baby or have half a baby. That just won't work. This can become a major issue with couples. I've seen it.

Whatever you do, don't bring a baby into an unhappy marriage. That is just plain selfish and stupid. Your marriage will get worse when you do that. And almost every married couple will tell you that marriage is more difficult after the children come.

Hope things look up for you soon. You need to get with a good counselor. One for you and a separate one for the marriage. Get help. This is too heavy for any normal person to deal with.

Answer 3

If having a child is the deal-breaker, tell him so. If he is unwilling to be a father --- for whatever reason---at least you know. If it is that important to you, leave, and get on with your life.... And you are correct, your biological clock is indeed ticking.... And as an aside (you didn"t ask this......, don't adopt a Caucasian child born in this country --- most are damaged, crack babies, meth babies----that is why you see so many foreign adoptions of Asian or South American children (And China is about to try to shut the door on that....) If you wish to try for yourself, you can find a fertility clinic, and be infused with sperm -- and have your own child. Africa is also full of great children who are orphaned because of the AIDS problem. Women don't have the option of waiting forever for children --- later in life not only is your fertility down, but as you get older, so will be your energy.... raising children is a young woman's job..... Do it, girl....you can.... good luck, hon

Answer 4

have your baby, with or without him being in your life, after it is conceived. u are 35, almost too late, if he won't agree get pregnant anyway, if he leaves u so what, at least y will have your hearts desire, even against his will. why did he marry if he wasn't willing to have any kid's? he sounds extremely selfish to me. he can go on having children for years, but we as woman become barren after awhile. if u haven't had any children they do say we go through the change alot sooner. just have the baby, and dishonest as it seems, it may be your only chance at one. it is very hard to adopt a healthy child, almost impossible.he may decide he wants kids later on, and if u can't give him one, because the time has come and gone, he may leave u and take up with someone younger, so i would just go ahead, don't deny yourself this, he is selfish.

Answer 5

Please do not have a baby with a man who doesn't seem interested. I grew up without a father and it does damage you, I don't care what anyone says. You said you are in an unhappy marriage...well get out. Life is too short to live in misery, and make sure the next person you try to date actually wants children.

Answer 6

Hmmmm... My question for you is... Did you discuss having children before marrying this person. Or, did you just assume that this person would want kids?

I pressured my ex-wife into having a child... I wanted to be a father. At 33 years old. Do ya see the operative word in the first part of this "paragraph"???

EX....

Obviously... there is a lack of match... Or things are not being discussed properly! Now or then!

Good luck!

Answer 7

girl if you want a baby so bad and your hubby is acting like an idiot I say go outthere and get your baby wich ever way you can make it happend believe me Im a mom and nothing in this world could ever compare of the joy of having a child.. you deserve a baby and if his not ready the hell with him dont let him keep you from that blessing... good luck.

Answer 8

i have done the same thing---waited for him to tell me when he was ready to have a baby with me----never happened!!! 17yr later.
dont wait any longer, get a divorce, move away from him and do what is right for you and DONT WAIT FOR HIM, HE WILL NEVER BE READY.
and yes, 35yr women is high risk for pregnancy. go be a mom on your own. you deserve to happy. dont wait. leave today.!!! dont tell him just leave. while he is at work even.
if he begs you back, say only if we can have a baby this year. and not to wait. if he says he wants to wait, say to him---you have waited long enough and im ready. bye.

Answer 9

I am sorry that you are having to deal with this. At least you don't have a husband, who doesn't want the baby you are pregnant with, and yes it is his.

Good luck and God Bless

Answer 10

I am sure you have, but you should have a heart to heart with him and tell him how you feel. Communication is so vital, and if you cannot communicate, then what is the point. Try going to church and seeking God, He is the answer to every question, and the cure for all the hurt.