Hubby is always a good guy with pure heart from my eye, he hasn't been as interested in sex as before in the recent years and I took it for granted that he must have been focused on work since he looked very busy all the time. In the past several months we started trying to conceive but have gotten no luck yet. Everytime I ended up with painful menses and he appeared to be very concerned by doing all the housework to let me rest well. I felt so lucky to have married such a good guy with a caring and kind heart. But yesterday I happened to find he visted some porn sites when I was in severe menstrual pain. How come a man who looks pure and kind actually has such a dirty heart? I don't feel like sleeping in the same bed with him any more and I feel so disappointed and he's no longer as perfect as before in my eyes. I'm afraid he would mistaken me as a porn star of his dream when we are on the same bed! I don't want to conceive a baby of a man with such nasty and dirty mind!!!!!!
2007-01-17 09:12:21 · 23 answers · asked by dancingsnow 1 in Pregnancy & Parenting ➔ Trying to Conceive
The only thing that is different about my situation is that we have three children together. I don't understand and I wish I could give you some advice, just know that you are not alone. I can't look at my husband the same way anymore. He has broken my heart in ways he will never understand.
2007-01-17 12:03:53 · answer #1 · answered by applecrisp 6 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Well first of all,you are verry lucky to have find such a nice man in your life,what else can a woman ask for...not all women are lucky to have someone like that.I can imagine how hard it is for you be happy for having such a great hubby but in a way you stay shocked to have caught him going through a porn web site,that really sucks.Have you tried talking to him?I wish you the best of luck,talk to him,that's the key to a great open relationship.
2007-01-17 09:31:37 · answer #2 · answered by ? 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
GROW UP. EVERY MAN does at least SOME 'looking at Porn' on the computer, even if he doesn't 'mean to' ... and he's not actually 'doing anything with another person' in a 'touching them' way ... he was probably just trying to give himself some 'sexual relief' while you were in such pain ... so I don't think he has a 'nasty and dirty mind' at all, but TRULY LOVES YOU. You perhaps should 'talk with him' about it and LISTEN TO WHAT HE SAYS ... but be 'openminded and gentle' because no man likes admitting to his 'special lady' that he's 'fallen' this far, even if it was 'for her' in the first place.
2007-01-17 09:28:34 · answer #3 · answered by Kris L 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Do the math:
Hubby is always a good guy with pure heart from my eye
+ he appeared to be very concerned by doing all the housework to let me rest well
+I felt so lucky to have married such a good guy with a caring and kind heart
+Every time I ended up with painful menses
__________________________________________________
= hubby visit porn site
It is a form of entertainment. There is great hypocrisy regarding porn, how else could it be frowned upon yet be one of the fastest growing industries world-wide, at least a $10,000,000,000 industry. Give him a break and count your blessings, he is not an object you possess.
2007-01-17 09:28:27 · answer #4 · answered by Mere Exposure 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
You are very lucky to have a wonderful husband who truly cares for you. All men look at porn, some just don't get caught. Your husband isn't looking at porn because he doesn't love you or doesn't find you sexy, he was probably in the mood and you were in pain so he didn't even bother to ask you for sex, he was being considerate of the state you were in. Don't be disgusted with him, he didn't do it to hurt you. I used to get all worked up about my hubby having a few dirty magazines but then I realized that it isn't a big deal, men are visual and they use porn sites and dirty magazines like we use Cosmo, for ideas! He isn't in bed with you picturing the model he saw on the sight, he is focused on you!
2007-01-17 09:34:33 · answer #5 · answered by Busy Mommy of 3 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Why don't you just watch the porn WITH him? That would make sex interesting for both of you, especially when you are trying to get pregnant. I don't think that him looking at porn is a bad thing at all unless he became obsessed with it. If you are really still upset about him watching porn, you could take some naked photos of yourself, or make a video of the two of you having sex, and he can look at that instead of porn stars. It might just spark his interest enough to no longer desire internet porn. Sex should be fun, and exciting! I know it can be discouraging to know that your hubby looks at naked women behind your back, but he's not doing it because he's unattracted to you. Men do it because they like to get out of the "real world" sometimes, to live in a fantasy that they are liked by beautiful women, and get to have sex all the time. It's every man's dream. Then they come back to reality full of work, kids, bills, nagging, and stress. Don't make a big deal of this. Implement his need for fantasy by fulfilling them for him. You will enjoy your new found exciting sex life, and I'm sure he won't care about looking at other women when he sees his sexy wife in a "maids" outfit..hehe! Have fun!
2007-01-17 10:15:00 · answer #6 · answered by Caelan's mom 3 · 1⤊ 1⤋
Listen... Porn is not that big of deal. Men look at it for ALOT of different reasons. my husband used to look at it a lot... I tried to tell him not to, but he still did- we had many a fight about it. Then i explained to him that it made me feel like i am not enough for him and plays on my insecurities and asked him if it would affect him if he happened to stumble acroos a "thin sexy man site" he told me it would bother him. and now i dont see it any more of those sites...
Keep in mind that while you are on your cycle and not in the mood- he may not not be in the mood and he can't release that frustration. It sounds to me like you have a great guy on your hands, you just need to talk together about this porn thing.
Another suggestion would be to make some kind of porn with him that he could look at while you are in dispose so that way it will be you he's looking at- and therefore you in his dreams as well.
2007-01-17 09:26:19 · answer #7 · answered by NewMommy!!! 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You are such a lucky woman to have such a wonderful husband. I think that it's pretty normal for men to look at porn. I caught my husband once, told him how crappy it made me feel and I haven't caught him looking since. I don't know if he still does it, but as long as I never see it I'm cool with it.
It sure sounds like in every other way your husband is an angel. Nobody is 100% perfect.
2007-01-17 09:18:32 · answer #8 · answered by I Ain't Your Momma 5 · 2⤊ 1⤋
If it where my husband I would want to know why he was looking at the porn....Was there something in it he was not getting from me. As a couple we are fairly open about what we enjoy about our sexual relationship and if there is something one of us wants to try, it may not happen but we compromise. However if the thought of maybe dressing or acting like a porn star disgusts you then im not sure how you will get over it. I do know where you are coming from, my ex when i was pregnant (and very ill) would buy the magazines, normally I wouldnt really care but because I felt so unattractive. I didnt want him looking at other women, but he didnt think of my feelings. He would hid in the toilet and read them, made me sick. So its no wonder the relationship didnt last.
Talk to him about it and tell him how it made you feel.
2007-01-17 09:30:36 · answer #9 · answered by lividuva 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well, who do you think you should be talking to, because this is not a question, but telling a story, one based on truth. I think you should confront him with what you found out. Because you hurt while having sex, is very frustrating for him, especially when he can't come, because it's very painful for him not being able to come, literally physical pain. So to get rid of it he probably uses that. I think, being such a sweetheart, he doesn't want to offend you, he doesn't address the problem. My husband did tell me when we were in our early dating, when he couldn't, it seems to be a very nasty pain, which has only one solution. Coming. He was looking for something to turn him on fast to get relief. it's dirty, I agree an helpful in such a case,but talk to him. Maybe he has a good reason. Not telling him, may lead to resentment that ain't necessary
2007-01-17 09:24:28 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 1⤋
If you found him looking at a recipe book, would you be saying he thinks you are a lousy cook?
The key difference between the sexes: men talk about sex, women about love. The fact that he is married to you and obviously loves you deeply does not, and will never, stop him looking at naked women. Even if they are clothed, he will imagine them naked. It's what men do.
Can you honestly admit that since your marriage, you have never thought about another man, or had a teensy weensy fantasy about Brad Pitt?
If you wish, you can walk out of your house now, and end your marriage. That is your choice. However, do it on the basis you will remain single, because, let's be honest, we are all EXACTLY the same.
2007-01-17 09:21:14 · answer #11 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋