Hubby is always a good guy with pure heart from my eye, he hasn't been as interested in sex as before in the recent years and I took it for granted that he must have been focused on work since he looked very busy all the time. In the past several months we started trying to conceive but have gotten no luck yet. Everytime I ended up with painful menses and he appeared to be very concerned by doing all the housework to let me rest well. I felt so lucky to have married such a good guy with a caring and kind heart. But yesterday I happened to find he visted some porn sites when I was in severe menstrual pain. How come a man who looks pure and kind actually has such a dirty heart? I don't feel like sleeping in the same bed with him any more and I feel so disappointed and he's no longer as perfect as before in my eyes. I'm afraid he would mistaken me as a porn star of his dream when we are on the same bed! I don't want to conceive a baby of a man with such nasty and dirty mind!!!!!!
2007-01-17 09:05:28 · 18 answers · asked by dancingsnow 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
i had the same problem with my ex-husband (hence i said EX-HUSBAND) he started with porn, (k- found it disrespectful since i wouldn't look at another man... but whatever he was just looking at the computer or tv right??) WRONG; then came tittie bars, then actual cheating. Tell your husband you feel it's disrespectful and that you don't appreciate it at all and that you respect him by not looking at other men that way and that you are asking for the same in return...
2007-01-17 09:20:25 · answer #1 · answered by ? 3 · 1⤊ 2⤋
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2016-07-19 22:50:33 · answer #2 · answered by Jeana 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I don't think it's as bad as you think, looking at porn is usually done out of curiosity and it's very very easy to do on the Internet, is he doing more than looking? that's where the problem could come to play. maybe he has a wild side in the bedroom but respects you so much he will not ask you to get wild with him, looking at porn can satisfy some of that. Nobody can remain perfect forever, inevitably we all grow and change, if he still treats you like gold and remains your life long friend then there is no way you should react so adversely, think back at all the good he has done, how can one such moment turn you so off? there will always be ups and down in relationships, try communicating with him and let him know how you feel about porn, I have a feeling he will change for you then let bygones be bygones. If you want to take it a little further, remind him that he doesn't need porn when he's has you in the bedroom! then let the new sexual experimentation's begin!!!
2007-01-17 09:43:36 · answer #3 · answered by mohvictor 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I do understand exactly what you are talking about. I have felt the same in the past, but my b/f and research have convinced me. Your husband doesn't have a dirty mind. He is normal. This is a normal thing that men do. Men will do this if you are having your period, pregnant, or are sleeping. Chances are, he was feeling frisky and knew you were prob not in the mood. He just decided to look at porn cause it was something to do. He just wanted relief, prob nothing more. I am sure that he loves you with all of his heart. I mean think about it, atleast it was porn. I mean, how would you have felt if he cammed or talked to another woman while masturbating? If it really bothers you, just talk to him about it. I am sure he will tell you that all men do it.. They pretty much do, unless they are gay or are extremely religious. Men just don't like locking themselves in the bathroom or starring at a wall. I wouldn't be surprised if he was thinking about you while he was doing it. Cheer up! Hope it works out for ya.
2007-01-17 09:19:53 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Unless it becomes a habit where he is visiting several times a day, don't sweat it. As for being mistaken for a porn star, what exactly is the harm in a little fantasy in your life? I think you are being a little too uptight about things. Maybe you should see a doctor about your severe menstrual pain. I mean, I have some rough months too, but certainly don't expect the world to revolve around me and my period when I have it.
2007-01-17 10:21:25 · answer #5 · answered by ? 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Stop beating yourself up ! Talk to your hubby without putting him or your self down....Talk to him about what you feel concerning this porn thing.....
Some people out there will read this and say it's ok to watch / read this stuff , but it's not good for ant relationship .....Yes. some males get hung up on this type of stimulation and project their fantasy on their wife ..
No one is perfect.or totally pure and kind, that's hard for anyone to live up to also...Your guy has faults like everyone else.And require him to live up to your perceived perfection of his values is difficult to say the least......
You both need to see a marriage counselor for therapy.You must address and define boundaries or lack of them in your marriage , deal with the realities of male female relationships , and create a more realistic view of the expectations the 2 of you have of each other, the world and your marriage....Good Luck !
2007-01-17 09:23:53 · answer #6 · answered by cesare214 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
My girlfriend's husband looks at porn and she, like you, is devastated.
I think that the whole "looking at porn" thing is the symptom of something greater--like self esteem, etc.
Try and find a support group for yourself. I think it would help you. Also, you guys may need counseling so figure out what is going on.
Best of luck-
2007-01-17 09:27:12 · answer #7 · answered by autimom 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well as long as it's not an obsession and he treats you with kindness and respect ~~~~ I would try to calm down and over look it. I know it's seems like a big deal and you're hurt, but in the big scope of things it's not that bad. Talk to him ~~~ not in a judgmental way but in a way that you can understand what's going on.
2007-01-17 09:22:08 · answer #8 · answered by rhonda y 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Most men (and many women) look at porn, there's nothing wrong with it. If you are so "pure" as to never have had a dirty thought - go ahead and throw the first stone. Your husband sounds like a rare find, you need to appreciate him and not hold him up to some made-up unrealistic standards.
2007-01-17 09:21:17 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 1⤋
You should be thanking your lucky stars you have a man like that. Obviously he is not trying to hide it from you since he did not delete what he was looking at. Guys like porn, it is part of life. Hell, I enjoy porn too. Do not make such a big deal out of it. It does not make him a bad person.
2007-01-17 10:19:10 · answer #10 · answered by mydds07 2 · 1⤊ 1⤋