My Husband Has Lied to me all through our Relationship?

Question

I am Seperated and have filed for divorce after 5 years of my husbands terrible lies. He is begging forgiveness and has been for help in the past (Hypnotherapy twice and marriage guidance) and says its a Mental Illness could this be True? Ive never heard of Lies being linked to Mental illness is he Lying Again?

Answer 1

Here's my same answer from your exact same question:

Sometimes people with mental illness use lying as a coping skill for their disease. Yes, it could be a symptom of mental illness.

Answer 2

First of all you have to come to the conclusion that fostering any healthy relationship depends on mutual trust. Now ask yourself has trust been a characteristic of this relationship? You see, what most of us do not understand are the consequences of our actions. We often say or do things without considering the ramifications of these things at a later date.

You claim that his lies are "terrible." Lies are always terrible, because they do not take into considertion the extent to which the lie was offered. The one thing that can be said about lies is that there are no major or minor lies. We all lie to a certain extent, everyday of our lives, but it is what we are lying about that is important. For example, if you were to go to the store and see a choclate bar that you really wanted, but did not partake because you are on a diet you are being dishonest with yourself in deed and action. While this is not a critical form of dishonesty it is still dishonesty.

On the other hand, lying in a mutal relationship is a violation of a sacred code, because an individual who would lie in a relationship holds nothing sacred. There is no extent of corruption that person would feel is out of his/her reach. If an individual would lie to the mother of his children or the woman he claims to love, then I claim there are no boundaries to the corruption that he is willing to entertain.

I think realizing the difference between the various status of lies and the social institutions they are connected with give us a wonderful indicator of the type of person we are dealing with. Remember there is a difference between lying with one's self in regards to a chocolate bar and the relationship that one is involoved in.

Answer 3

Whether it is mental illness or not, could you still put up with it? You must be so stressed not knowing what is or isnt with him. You could put up with it or let go of him and sleep better knowing you dont have to guess whethers he's telling you lies or not.
There maybe a reason for him begging for you back - security. He has a home, all his cooking and cleaning and a warm bed to sleep in with you. He could keep hurting you and know he'll always be able to come back to all this. I would let him go and start afresh. Youve been through enough and you probably have lost all trust to mend your marriage. You'll have no more doubts if you get rid of him.

Answer 4

OK... I think you are doing the right thing... If he has a mental disorder that results in lies and he get's help and medication for this, remember that your relationship will never ever be one of trust and respect after all these past lies... You will always have in the back of your mind is he lying!!!!! Even when he is getting help. A relationship needs trust and respect as a builing block and once these are gone the relationship is finished... Be strong and procede with the divorce let him get help and start a fresh life for himself...You can then meet someone who you have trust and respect with and for. Then start a fresh yourself. Best of luck...

Answer 5

Hmm, somehow you posted this question twice.

There are psychological disorders linked with compulsive lying, such as Antisocial Personality Disorder and Bipolar Disorder. I wouldn't trust his word on it though, he could just be dooping you but I don't know him so... See what a Psychiatrist says, there are medications but those are usually not so great. If you feel you cannot live happily or trust someone with someone with this disorder, or if he is making it up, I would reevaluate the relationship for sure. But see a psychiatrist, marriage counseling and hypnotherapy (of which its effectiveness I question) probably are not good enough for a problem like this.

Answer 6

Is a mental illness somehow more appealing than being a compulsive liar? You can't trust either. My ex-husband lied to me for the 8 years we were married. Including rushing the wedding because he was leaving for boot camp. This man lost 50lbs. met with and worked out with the Army recruiters...and It was all a lie. he was NEVER going. But I already married him and was pregnant 2 months later. I was stuck. Get out now.

Answer 7

From experience, my ex wife has BPD and will deny it. Lies were told constantly to hide things or get things. But to her, everything she had done and still does is ok, even though she has admitted that it was wrong. She thinks everyone has a problem with her and can't accept her for who she is.

He may be lying to cope, have him see a psych, give him some sort of diagnosis. But still isn't an excuse, they know what they do is wrong.

Answer 8

Pathological lying can be an illness in itself (pseudologia phantastica) or be a symptom of another illness such as schizophrenia or likewise. It can of course just as well be a lame excuse to twist the truth - to determine which is the case, you would have to check with his counsellor.

Answer 9

properly, being a pathological liar is one of those psychological ailment, and somewhat a intense one. If he lies even as he would not want to, or for no reason then he does want some help. If he's mendacity over affairs, or stuff he needs to cover, then he's only a bum. good success.x

Answer 10

Do you really want to cancel your divorce proceedings / go back to live with him as before / just so you can find out?
No,lying is not a mental illness. Leave him to it and get on with your life. There's a great big world out there and its not as frightening as you think.......go and enjoy it.