My husband works long hours and I have just started a job taking care of children. I clean our house, do the dish, make dinner,wash clothes and make sure the bills are paid on time. He comes home and he takes his shoes off and goes to the kitchen eats and lays on the sofa and watches TV. I have to stay on him about the things like PICKING UP AFTER HIMSELF,taking a shower after work.,taking the trash out,leaving the dishes out and letting the food sitting all night long and then he puts it up in the morning and sometimes he doesn't do that. We have a 13 month old daughter, After I had my daughter I went back to work and school. I would get up at 5 in the morning get dress, get my daughter ready to take her to daycare,leave drop her off and go to school and after school work. I get so tired that I ended up sick.I Drop out of school quit my job and started to stay home with my daughter. And to this day I get no help what so ever. I have tried talks but they led to fights. Please help me!
2007-01-17 08:39:10 · 11 answers · asked by amanda_malusa80 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
sit him down and tell him you are going to leave and take you're daughter with you, that's what I did to my husband, and now he cleans, and cooks.
2007-01-17 08:46:21 · answer #1 · answered by Heavenly Bunny (VT) 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
nagging won't work... unless you just want to nag EVERY time you want something done.
Better yet, let him know how much you appreciate his help. Guys like to feel useful - but hate to be nagged. So when he does something that helps, thank him for it. Tell him how much you appreciate the help and how much it means to you.
Keep in mind, it probably doesn't really matter to him if the house is messy. (If it did, he'd pick up on his own.) So the only reason why he'd help out is because YOU want the help. That should put things in the right perspective. Every time he does something he sees as (personally) pointless, he's doing you a favor. If you don't even say, "thank you" - why would he ever do it again?
Stop focussing so much on how much YOU do. That's just another way of telling your man he's worthless. Concentrate instead on how much help he is to you - when he helps. Positive reinforcement works. Negative reinforcement just leads to fights.
By the way - the answers immediately above and below are a good way to convince him you're worthless and he wants OUT.
After all, if you're not doing anything for him, and you're just giving him attitude, why would he want to stay? If you're not cooking, he'll take his paycheck and go to a restaurant. If you won't wash his clothes right along with the rest, then he'll find someone who will. Eventually he'll ask himself... "Why do I put up with her?" And there won't be a good answer because you will have destroyed everything.
2007-01-17 16:52:42 · answer #2 · answered by A_Patriot 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Communication os the key to every successfull marriage.
You must have a sit down, calm and open talk about everything. Tell him that you understand that he works hard and that you appreciate it so very much, but now that you have taken on more responsabilities you are also quite tired and would like a bit of help.
Tell him that you would appreciate and it would help you a ton if he would pick up after himself and not leave food out etc etc.. that you are not "requiring" him to do anything else but to do the things that you are having to stay on him about.
Keep the conversation calm and low volume, do not invite a fight or threat. Fill the conversation with positive affirmations directed towards him as you are asking for these things.
As he begings to say his peace, allow him to speak and do not interrupt or make facial expressions to show annoyance etc. Allow him the floor to get what he needs to say off of his chest.
If he becomes angry, tell him that you are sorry that what you are asking is upsetting him, but that you will do everything else, all you would like him to do is to pick up afterhimself etc.
If he gets mad or loud end the conversation immediatly and chill out for a bit. If it comes down to it, then do what it is you have been doing but then refuse to pick up after him, refuse to wash his dishes etc and wait it out, eventually he will come around.
2007-01-17 16:49:32 · answer #3 · answered by daisyloca22 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sit down with him and tell him how you feel and that you cannot keep up with everything. If you are going to work, both of you need to share in the work it takes to keep a house going. Granted if he works long hours, his duties would not be as great. Tell him that you need him to help around the house because it is all exhausting to you and set definite chores that are his to take care of. If he fails to do them leave them be. If this fails, only do the essentials that suit you and your daughter. If the house gets messy.....................let it be. If he has to eat frozen pizza for dinner every night or go without dinner............oh well. I am sure the stress affects the intimacy of your relationship as well. They always take notice if you explain it on those terms.
2007-01-17 16:58:03 · answer #4 · answered by MsCantBeWrong 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
why dont you laeve his things set out, stay on the floor,etc. Pick up only after you and the baby, and do only the two of your laundry. When his things are stretched out all over the place and he ask why ---tell him you are not the only one around here capable of picking up and HE IS NOT THE ONLY ONE that works LONG HOURS-------he only works one job-you do EVERYTHINHG for you the baby, him etc. He will either start to pitch in or he just will not give a damn. When he ask where is his dinner tell him you had so much to do you just couldnt find the time to fix him something.
2007-01-17 16:50:59 · answer #5 · answered by nickle 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
i am in the same boat!! but i have learned that constant talks end up looking like constant nagging. if talking leads to arguing then try to remain calm and if things get out of hand just shake it off. i have just learned to deal w/it and you should be proud of yourself for taking on alllll the responsibility. its not easy. i have 3 kids ages 8-2-& 10months and some days i want to burst out of my skin. it would be nice to get some help but just do what you can dont try to be a superhero, dishes can wait. time w/your kids is more important. and try and make it a point to take time for yourself. i make sure and get away even if its only twice a month. it gives me something to look forward too.
best of luck
2007-01-17 16:54:56 · answer #6 · answered by weetee_25 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
i have been there and done that. first sit his butt down and explain to him or write him what your frustrations are. there good ones. give him an ultimatum. if he cant pitch in and help then don't do a damn thing for him. don't wash his cloths don't cook for him and so on. Only do what you need to do for your child and yourself. He is a grown man and has obviously been catered to for to long know. SO he will run out of underwear and will get hungry. put your foot down your not his slave , good luck.
2007-01-17 16:53:33 · answer #7 · answered by felinashere 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Gather all his things in a basket and let him put them up himself. Don't do his laundry. You can switch to paper plates so you can just throw it away. As long as you do things for him, he will not have any motivation to do them himself. And you might want to consider what kind of man he is if he won't help you do anything even after talking.
2007-01-17 16:46:20 · answer #8 · answered by redrum42482 2 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Hire a maid and let him foot the bill. Either that or he can eat off dirty dishes and wear dirty clothes.
2007-01-17 16:45:43 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sorry but you have spoiled his habbits. He has a maid and he will abuse her. There is nothing that will change him, everything will lead to a fight, more fight, stress and then eventually a divorce.
2007-01-17 16:54:56 · answer #10 · answered by jimmy.parker06 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋