Over the last few years I have grown close to my ex fiance's family. Recently we broke up due to his enabling of his ex-wife. I am having a very hard time dealing with this, even though I am the one who left. There is no use trying to patch things up, I have already given him three chances, it is bound to happen again. So do I talk to his family members about it, or let them come to conclusions on our break-up on their own. He won't tell them the real truth, the last thing he will ever admit to is enabling the same person he has been enabling for years. Any advise or suggestions will help.
2007-01-17 08:27:35 · 28 answers · asked by mixemup 6 in Family & Relationships ➔ Other - Family & Relationships
you definatly need to speak to his family about the break up since you are close to them... BUT be careful what you say and how you say it! They are his family and in the end their loyalty will lay with him. Tell them the truth of the matter in a way that you are not being overly negative of your ex and let them know how much they mean to you also.
2007-01-17 08:32:28 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Type a form letter and title it "The Rest Of The Story from The Horses Mouth" Detail all of the events that led to the breakup, include dates and actions they know he took as well as admitting what mistakes you made and what role you played in the said events. Even if it ends up being a mini novella, they have no right to judge you or think bad of you because he can't be honest. Mail a copy of the letter to everyone in his family that you have an address for and keep a copy for yourself. He may have been badmouthing you all along...you never know...better to get it out there. If his family contacts you, it will be by their choice and if they have more questions, answer them honestly. This way you will have closure and some of those family members that you have bonded with will remain friends with you as I am sure they already know the kind of person he is...
2007-01-17 08:37:41 · answer #2 · answered by ? 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
These people won't be in your life anymore. But if you can't rest until you have your say...just send his mother a letter indicating that you can't be second to his ex-wife and as much as this pains you, because you were very fond of the family, you have to move on. Do not go into details about what a jerk he is. Just indicate that you wish him and the family the very best and you really did want it to work out but you can't continue to let yourself be disrespected. Thank her for the times you were included in their lives. Enough said; no more. Don't expect a response; if you do get one, don't show any indication that you are willing to rethink the break up. It is over. If they don't believe you, it really doesn't matter...you are only doing this to get some closure. Send the letter and move on.
2007-01-17 08:34:07 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Ok well you have got to don't forget when you put your self out there like that you simply leave your self open to getting harm. I consider the rationale he took expertise of you is due to the fact you confirmed him that you simply werent a priority via leaving your entire existence behinde for him. I believe from that action proper there he knew you set him on a petastool and guys, are certainly not to be put onpetastools most effective females will have to be interms of a relationship. Via dwelling your whole life behinde you for him, that allowed him to have got to put no effort in. With all due admire you made it very effortless for him to do what ever he wanted. In no way ever make some boy a precedence for your existence, i consider within the whole romance factor, however you continue to have to be grounded and consider certainly, just becasue you have the first-class interest at coronary heart doesnt mean that they do. So far as unfair, life is unfair the earlier that and end up more desirable the less these things will trouble you. I ve had some crappy things occur to me to so yor not alone
2016-08-10 12:44:54 · answer #4 · answered by ? 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
ok properly you should undergo in ideas once you position your self available like that you go away your self open to getting damage. i imagine the reason he took income of you is because you confirmed him that you werent a concern by technique of leaving your total existence behinde for him. i imagine from that action right there he knew you position him on a petastool and adult men, are by no ability to be positioned onpetastools in common words females should be interms of a relationship. by technique of living your total existence behinde you for him, that allowed him to ought to positioned no attempt in. With all due appreciate you made it really problem-free for him to do what ever he wanted. by no ability ever make some boy a concern on your existence, i believe interior the total romance concern, yet you nonetheless should be grounded and picture obviously, in basic terms becasue you've the perfect interest at heart doesnt advise that they do. so some distance as unfair, existence is arbitrary the faster you keep in mind that and develop into more suitable the a lot less this stuff will problem you. I ve had some crappy issues take position to me to so yor no longer on my own
2016-10-15 09:13:41 · answer #5 · answered by kincade 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If they ask, tell your side. If they don't just be pleasant, but no details. Families are usually defensive of kin. Even if you tell all that has happened, they may take his side and defend him which willl only hurt you. It is sad when you lose a family that you felt close to, but if you were to feel rejected by them instead of losing them because of the breakup- it would be worse. Just let it go and move on. Good luck to you.
2007-01-17 08:31:51 · answer #6 · answered by Smilingcheek 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
My suggestion is leave the family out of it. It will only make things worse. That is his family and whether they agree with you or not they will always take his side. To be real about it the family probaly already knew he was messing around with the ex anyway.
2007-01-17 08:32:26 · answer #7 · answered by nita23 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think if you have always been honest and close with them in the past it would be worth it to speak your peace. They will appreciate knowing the truth...it might make your ex a little mad but if you will rest easier that is all that really matters.
2007-01-17 08:52:08 · answer #8 · answered by Kit Kat 1 · 1⤊ 0⤋
leave them alone. If he lies to his family it's only because he is looking for support and a friendly ear.
You broke up for a reason. Unfortunatley this means you broke up with his family too. Don't call, Don't write, Don't e-mail any of them. My suggestion is to vanish from all their lives. It will make the break up easier on everyone.
2007-01-17 08:31:36 · answer #9 · answered by bbopper 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Tell them whatever you want. If he's not going to someone has to tell the truth. You can shout it from the rooftops if you want if your not going back and soon you'll find someone else and will have a life with them and it will be too ackward to have them aroung the new love and you'll all settle in your own lifes --- if your lucky!!!
2007-01-17 08:31:37 · answer #10 · answered by prettyfroggy 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋