Its like this....I have a lifelong friend who has loved me forever and would marry me in the morning. However, although he's everything I could ever want in a future husband, I don't fancy him at all, although I love him to bits in a brotherly way. He's always been in the background whenever I've dated other guys, but he's never had a serious relationship cos he's always said he'll wait for me no matter how long it takes. I would love to get married and settle down, but I have dated lots of guys and have never found a guy that comes close to being "the one". I know my "friend" would treat me like a princess forever, and have often been tempted to settle for him, but I'm so scared I might let "Mr. Right" get away if I did that. Could it ever work out? Would it be fair on him if I didn't feel the same, even though I love him so much in every other way?I know that I would treat him with love and respect always, but when it would come to sex, I'm not sure if I could go through with it.
2007-01-17 08:21:12 · 13 answers · asked by Megafunk 6 in Family & Relationships ➔ Other - Family & Relationships
The fact that you call marrying this man "settling" should give you your answer. To marry him when you don't think he's the one is disrespectful to him. It would never be a happy marriage. If you really do love him, don't do that to him.
2007-01-17 08:25:55 · answer #1 · answered by Bush Invented the Google 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Nothing's worse than a half-love. If you can't love him all the way, then don't force it. If you did marry him, a part of you would always be waiting for something more, and resent him for not being that something more, and subconsciously he would be aware that he had, through no fault of his on, let you down.... eventually your marriage would be full of resentment and despair. Don't do that to yourself or to this man you care so much about. Tell him that you value and love him so much in so many important ways... but you will never be able to love him like that. Tell him to try and find a woman who can love him like he deserves and make him happy, just as you will keep looking for a man who can set your heart aflame, and the two of you will be the best of friends and be there for each other the rest of your lives.
2007-01-17 08:32:46 · answer #2 · answered by teresathegreat 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
your never supposed to settle for anything that you dont want or your gonna be miserable. your lifelong friend did say that he would wait for you no matter what so you kind of have an advantage of searching knowing you still have someone "on the shelf waiting." i think it would be unhealthy for you two to be together because you are so close as friends. since you cant push your feelings any further than a brotherly love; you risk losing a good friend and a potential mate. i think that you two should remain friends. tell him this is for the best because it truly is. i lost a close friend due to the fact that we tried to take things to the next level. we are still friends but no where near the way it used to be and i am so hurt behind that. i would hate to see that happen to someone else so please take heed to my words. DONT GO THERE!!!!!!!!!!
2007-01-17 08:35:39 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
If you can't love your friend the way that he loves you, then don't do it. Have you ever evaluated why you don't love him that way though? Are you potentially missing out on the opportunity of having Mr Right right there in front of your nose? If you have totally disregarded him as the love of your life, let him go. There's no sense in marrying someone you don't love, it's not fair for yourself or for him.
2007-01-17 08:32:59 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
If you say you have to settle for him, you don't need to marry him. It's not fair to you or him. If you do decide to marry him and Mr. Right does come along, what are you going to do then? Leave him? What if you have kids together? Don't hurt this guy like this. You need to encourage him to move on.
2007-01-17 08:30:48 · answer #5 · answered by Xena 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Okay I understand u r situation..let me tell u .. I f I was u... I would go with the one I don't love with the one who been there for me.. with one who loves me and waited for me....I been in this before .. I made a big mastic when I trust the man I loved and lift the man who loved me... but I learn in hard way... don't fallow the guys who makes u believe that they love .. but all they want is sex... being married with that guy will make u r life easier.. u will love him..... let me tell u what women want from the man ..... love.. respect be there for for her... protect her... and always have her back... that all u need.. if u have there id u do this u will love him with out knowing that.. I don't know Ur age but u seems mature enough to make Ur decision.. be smart,,, and see around u and look who is there for u... email me if u have any Q bye
2007-01-17 08:32:27 · answer #6 · answered by I_belong_to_me 3 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Don't settle for someone if you are not " in love" im not saying there is one person out there for you..because i believe there is a "type" of person for everyone but not some specific person..you need to wait on your Mr. Right
2007-01-17 08:27:19 · answer #7 · answered by Ms.DaSilva 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Hell Nooo.. Dont marry this "friend" ! It wouldnt work out.. there has to be more than friendship in a marriage.. I mean.. you have to be able to have sex with your husband.. If he doesnt turn you on.. you will go look for it somewhere else.. and then you will hurt him. Tell him the truth.. that you only wanna be his friend.. and wait for the right husband to come along..
2007-01-17 08:27:42 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
You are not doing him or yourself any favors by hedging. Let him go and get on with your life. Yes, it is an ego boost to have him always in the background, but that is no way for either of you to live.
2007-01-17 08:26:11 · answer #9 · answered by Blue 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I think Mr. Right is right in front of your nose. Your afraid if it does not work out with him that you lose a dear friend. Well, he is ready to take it to another level...so go for it.
2007-01-17 08:26:49 · answer #10 · answered by September Sweetie 5 · 0⤊ 1⤋