my husband's(been married 3 mons) son from his 1st marrage lives with us half the time and the other half time with his mom.when he comes over he expects my husband to drop everything and play with him the whole time he is with us.if my husband does not he makes my husband feel guilty by saying things like its my day to be with you so you need to play with me.he also gets very jealous if my husband turns his attention to me if only for a minute.we both spend a great deal of time with him but its just not practical for my husband to spend all his time with him playing.he has always been a only child and has a hard time not being the center of attention.also i'm not new to him i have been with his dad since he was small and he does not remember his parents together.the older he is getting the worse he is getting too.how can i get my hus to not feel guilty when he can't play with his son 24/7.plus what can we do to make him behave when my hus has to do something the son does not like?
2007-01-17 08:13:07 · 9 answers · asked by linda7paulean 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Even though it is "your husbands" day it doesn't entitle the child to any "extra" privileges. He is trying to guilt your husband into getting his way. The changes need to start with your husband. He needs to set out some ground rules of what is to be expected of him and how he treats others i.e. you and also include what the consequences are if he is to break those rules. I know that it isn't easy but there needs to be an effort made. You may not realize it now but his behavior now may lead to problems in the future with school, law enforcement, etc.
2007-01-17 08:25:51 · answer #1 · answered by LaReyna 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
i have ask alot of advice on here bout my stepdaughter plain and simple when she comes here he can't drop everything for her it isn't possible we are building a new home and hubby works alot.So I pretty much made the comment if you can't drop everything for me and the baby during the week because work has to be done then it aint fair for you to do it for her.So he doesn't he tries to spend time with her but he has a daughter with me that is very small and on the weekends i need a break from all the diaper changing and spit up.Well alot of people say its not the kids fault the parents get divorced thats true but it also isn't the stepparents fault,no one should have to suffer in these situations and he needs to just let his son know that he can't drop everything always.Have your husband set aside a specific time to spend with the kid and spend quality time and then he won't have anything to complain about.the kid is gonna be jealous u can't get around that but if hubby ignores it and gives him affection too he will stop eventually because he won't get a reaction anymore.Thats what my stepdaughter did when me and hubby first got together she would try and get him up and away from me by asking for something to drink or eat.Finally she did it so many times that last time i said no don't get up everytime she asks its not nessesary.Finally she stopped like i said he will adjust give him time in the mean time tell your husband not to parent out of guilt because he is not doing the kid any favors or teaching him right from wrong by doing that.well i could go on and on but you get what i am saying.....i deal with this every other weekend i know how alienated it makes you feel...u gotta make your husband see that too
2007-01-17 09:30:23 · answer #2 · answered by samwise25 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You need to give the boy a chance to adjust. The marriage is just as new to him as you. all kids at that age want teir parnets together so it would be natural that he is jealous and would act up from time to time.
You also have to realize that to him, you are the person that is taking time away from him. His dad will feel guilty because he's trying to be a full time in a parttime role.
So again my advice to is just be patient. Once the son realizes that he's not being replaced by you and you are not the wicked witchthings will be much better for all
2007-01-17 08:23:25 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
You are just in situation where you have to put yourself in the kid's shoes. He may be acting out because he is missing his father so much. It has to be pretty hard for him to go back and forth between parents. So maybe he is just missing his dad and acting like a spoiled brat. Your husband is the one who will have to sit down and talk to him to make him understand that there are times he is going to be busy. You should let him handle that by himself because it is his son and yes you are the step-mother but for right now the 8 year old may just need his daddy for right now. Now of course if the boy is just being plain rude and not listening to you and your husband, then there should be consequences for him. But for right now, let your husband handle this matter.
2007-01-17 08:20:10 · answer #4 · answered by Marie 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
OK here you go. Get together as a united front with your husband. Decide what things you are going to do with the kids where he is with you. Play the time out so the kid is busy.
Decide on discipline for him when he does act out.
stay together on this and do not alter. He is playing daddy big time and he is falling for it. Things will get worse if they are let to do so. so stop the spoil train now.
2007-01-17 08:20:46 · answer #5 · answered by picture 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Spend precious time with him and show him the future path to his career. Give him something special to honor and hope for. He needs guidence and soft discipline.
When a child can be shown what lays ahead they will change their ways to understand it.
I loaded up my Van one day with the parents permission and took a bunch of kids fishing. I tell ya me and my wife had our hands full and then we took them to Mcdonalds.
The best part of that trip is that I took them to a private lake where I have permission to fish. It is stocked with Bass. I handed all the kids a fishing pole with artificial worms and they had a blast. The biggest one caught was from Keith 8 lbs.
Every child caught fish and some of them couldnl;t reel them in they were so big and needed help.
My point is that if you spend that precious time with those kids they own foget and so is your 8 yr old, the same thing.
You have to spend time with them.
2007-01-17 08:17:47 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
looks such as you want great nanny or the subsequent appropriate element. Watch the great nanny. She deals with all varieties of issues this season. the only element i will assert is clarify to him why it is not obtainable to do in spite of he desires to do on the time. His dad or your self. he's older adequate to comprehend greater useful. So somebody has to tell him precisely what is going on and end allowing him to have his very own way all of the time. it is not constantly play time and he could comprehend that. there's a time to play and there's a time to be extreme. yet another answer is have yet another baby.
2016-12-16 07:00:58 · answer #7 · answered by ? 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Divorce usually ruins kids. Don't worry, you have at least 10 more years of this. whoooyahhhhhh.....Put up with it or leave.
2007-01-17 08:20:25 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
unknown...this is a major problem with marrying into a family with "excess baggage"
2007-01-17 08:17:59 · answer #9 · answered by sunbun 6 · 0⤊ 3⤋