My exhusband lost his job and is now behind on the rent the elec and water got shut off and he has no food even if he could cook it. He comes to my house to visit our son. Should i not let him shower and keep warm over night. Its not like i want to have sex with him. My boyfriend thinks this is wrong and that i shouldn't let my ex even in my house. My son loves his dad and wants to spend time with him and i don't mind if its at my home that way i can keep an eye on them both.Its only human to want to feed and keep someone warm when its 23 degrees out. I did spend 13 yrs with this man and do care for him as a human. My question is should my boyfriend have any say so in this? should he be telling me who i can have in my home or should i be more thoughtful of his feelings and not have the ex visit?
2007-01-17 08:12:58 · 32 answers · asked by Majenta 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
This is all a part of being an adult and behaving like one. It isn't bad for you to want to help someone in need even if it is your ex. Your bf may see it as an invasion of his territory but he needs to realize that it is your house and your son's father. I would do it. If your bf can't be grown up enough to understand then you need to re-evaluate that relationship.
2007-01-17 08:20:14 · answer #1 · answered by LaReyna 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I believe you should help him. Afterall, he is the father of your son. You have a history together and just because you are not together doesn't mean that you have to desert him. Everyone in life at one point or another has gone through a hard time. It really also looks good to your son when he sees what a kind person you are and that just because you are not with your ex, doesn't mean you cannot help him out. It also teaches your son not to hate just because I relationship has gone bad. Besides, you are right, you can keep an eye on the both of them. Your boyfriend has no say. He is exactly that...a boyfriend. You have had a history and was married. Your boyfriend may feel a certain way but he needs to get over his low self esteem and let you make your own decisions and be a good boyfriend by sticking by you no matter what decisions you make. It's not his decision to make.
2007-01-17 08:19:50 · answer #2 · answered by Weasel Girl 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Your borfriend is just feeling insecure of the fact that this is your ex and sometimes marriages can be recendled. If this was you, you would want him to be there for you. Reasure your friend that if it was him you would do the same and to not be so selfish. We never know when we might need the same help. Lifes full of obsticles. We need others sometimes to lend us a helping hand. Maybe the two guys should talk more and try to get to know each other, then he might be ok with it. In the mean time this ex needs to get a job and find him a place where they just want a roomate and someone to share the rent with.
2007-01-17 08:20:38 · answer #3 · answered by My two cents 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Majenta, I understand the dilemma you are in. Your good heart wants to help even though it's your ex. Dang girl, this might get you Sainthood! Unfortunately, it's still a bad idea. Yeah, I know I was just saying it's a wonderful thing you are doing. It, however, isn't too smart. I could go into a big list of reasons but that you already know. The problem is that no matter what you do, it is going to turn out wrong. The good thing is, no matter what you do, you're going to come out of this smelling like a rose. This is a conflict of, do you follow your heart or your mind? As sweet as you are I would advise using your head!
2007-01-17 08:34:31 · answer #4 · answered by delux_version 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I understand why your b/f feels the way he does, but unless you guys are living together he doesn't really have a "say" in what you do in your own home. I don't think there's anything wrong with you getting along with a man you used to be married to, and wanting to help him - I actually think it's a normal and functional way to handle things; I have a good relationship with my ex whom I've been divorced from for 6 years, and I would help him if he was in trouble (he had helped me in the past). Be prepared that if you keep helping your ex against your b/f's wishes, you might soon have no b/f. But don't let it stop you from doing what you feel is the right thing. Just balance everything out and do what you feel is worth it to you.
2007-01-17 08:26:51 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
ok let's take this issue by issue:
My exhusband lost his job-jobs are plentiful.. he could get one if he really wanted one.
behind on the rent-that happens
the elec and water got shut off-no excuse there...if he is that poor he should have roomates or live w/family
no food-nothing wrong with giving him food, no one should go hungry
He comes to my house to visit our son-that should be ok
let him shower-no, the YMCA, friends, churches will let him do that
keep warm over night-friends, family community can handle this, not u
My boyfriend thinks this is wrong- he is right, except for the food and seeing his son
i shouldn't let my ex even in my house-wrong, to see his son is ok (see above)
My question is should my boyfriend have any say so in this-not on son or food but all else
should he be telling me who i can have in my home-no, but not stay over-good luck
2007-01-17 08:21:49 · answer #6 · answered by Tikcus 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Of course Im sure there is more to your story that is not of my business, but based on what you've said alone....I think that people who get divorces and ecspecially ones with kids should be adults about the situation. I could see where your boyfriend is coming from about not wanting ur ex spending the night at your house, but as long as all 3 of you were complete adults about it and your boyfriend trusts you and and your ex has the understanding that it is just out of the kindess of your heart and not like you want to get back together....I could see you allowing it because its only human to wanna help someone out.But that could also cause problems so i think its up to you. Use your best judgement. :)
2007-01-17 08:20:54 · answer #7 · answered by daddysgurl6891 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
No its' not wrong to help out the father of your child. Your boyfriend is just feeling jealous and maybe threatened by the fact that your ex is sleeping in the same house as you. You have a child with this person and that's all there is to it. Have your boyfriend stay over as well to ease his mind. You are not uncaring of his feelings, just trying to handle a tough situation for the time being.
2007-01-17 08:18:29 · answer #8 · answered by mayihelpyou 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You have to set an example for your child. How would you want your child to act in this situation? I'm sure you do care for this person you had a child and history together. I'd help as long as it doesn't get overboard or out of control. It does your son no good to see his father this way. You'd be the bigger person and would never regret doing a good thing!!! You boyfriend should understand and put his jealousy aside. It never hurts to take the high road!!!!! Good things happen to people who do good things without expecting something in return!!!!
2007-01-17 08:19:11 · answer #9 · answered by prettyfroggy 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You are NOT nuts. Yes you have a right to care about your ex and to offer to help. I'd say if you and your boyfriend have been together for a while then yes you should try to be thoughtful of his feelings, but he should understand your feelings too.
I let my ex move in with me for a while a couple years after we divorced. I made him have his own room, but he needed a place to stay, and I wasn't gonna let him be out on the street.
2007-01-17 08:23:43 · answer #10 · answered by jenchell1994 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋