Is this a typical marriage?

Question

Started out very strong. Then while adjusting to married life in the first year argued a lot over control, inlaws, money, kids and general disillusion over the person not being perfect. Then bitched to family and friends that the other isn’t treating them right and marriage is hard. Now after the storms trying to get back that loving feeling. Seems like a lot of damage has been done but then again not sure if it’s normal or not. Is it true the more passionate you are with someone, the more you will argue? Seems to be the case with me and my wife. We argue to the point where divorce seems almost a certainty then we come back with intense feelings of love. I’m hoping this will settle down during the next few years as we get used to each other (next month is our first anniversary). It’s just tough trying to go through the storms and not wonder “Did I make a mistake”? Anybody else go through this? If so, when does it end? Just need some encouragement from folks who have done and thought the same things but have come out on the other side. Basically I want to hear from the ones who had the balls to stick to their marriage commitment and not wuss out to divorce.

Answer 1

yes...sounds pretty typical...marriage is a big adjustment and many people don't make it though the first few years because they are too weak to understand what is needed.....talk to each other.....try not to fight....when you are feeling angry or frustrated...take a time out until you can calmly discuss the issue...it will get better.....hang in there...good luck

Answer 2

I would not say this was typical. This usually starts after the first year. You both have to learn to respect the differences in each on a much personal level. Sit back and see exactly what you are arguing about and see if most of it is just petty stuff. You both need to learn to pick your battles and let the rest go. One thing you can both do is NOT discuss all that goes on with friends and family. Sometimes you can't take things back that you didn't really mean. Make a plan that you both can stick to regarding money, kids, etc. and you should see much more happiness and lots less arguing. Good luck to you.

Answer 3

Your situation depicts clearly what the marriage life is in many cases. First thing first, don't even think about divorce. You have to tough it up and conquer what seems invincible at the start. Marriage life is not easy specially at the beginning. Remind yourself and say it also to your spouse that you both have a commitment : you vow to stay married. Lack of commitment is the basis of many divorces. Hang on! You will be glad that you did in the years to come or you will always have a new beginning with a new person and yet you will have to go through the same miserable adjustment with someone else.

Answer 4

I guessed it before reading all of your story: you're newlyweds

The first year is the hardest one. My first year of marriage was a long screaming match. This is actually pretty typical and there should be no reason to be concerned.

I suggest for you to go to couples counseling or workshop. There are also many self-help books to get you though the fist years of marriage when you are setting boundries and making arrangements for your life together about children, pets, financial resposabilities etc.

Be patient and learn to mature together, you have a life ahead of you and there is no reason to sweat the small stuff.

Of course, everyone wants their marriage to be perfect and you have to come to the realization that there is no such thing. If you keep on trying to achieve perfection you will become neurotica and irritable... because nothing is "as perfect" as you envisoined.

Learn on word: COMPROMISE. This is what marriage is all about.

Best of luck dear asker, don;t give up quite yet. The honeymoon may be over but after all the fireworks is where the real companionship and teamwork begins. You seem to love each other... work on it.

Good luck

Answer 5

First and foremost I respect you for sticking with your marriage!

My husband & I have been together for almost five years and have been married for almost 3. We have had some wonderful amazing times, but then on the other hand we have had some really hard times. Right now we are going through a rough patch, so I know how you feel. I truly believe that marriage is for better or worst and if we both try then it will work. Don't give up because if you never give up then you can never fail.

I have held on so tight and tried so hard. If I was weaker my husband and I would not be together today. I am still trying to make it work and give it my all.

If you ever want to talk you can e-mail me [e-mail]

Hopefully God gives us the strenght to be stong when we are at our weakest. Hang in there!

Answer 6

Contrary to what people say the first year of marriage is the toughest year you'll ever face. Things really do change when you get married no matter how long you have been together previously. You need to find ways of communicating without it becoming an all out war. learn how to talk to each other and most of all learn how to fight. We all go through "did I make a mistake" at some point or other. Just learn how to grow together and how to work out tough issues and you'll do fine, and keep up the passion, it's a must!!!

Answer 7

What youre feeling is perfectly normal for newlyweds in their first 2 years with the first being the hardest. Many couples go thru years of marriage arguing with each other almost to the brink of actually killing each other, then make up to fight again. Thousands of couples are going thru exactly what you are so youre in the majority. Besdies its Mother Nature to take two of any species living together and sooner or later theyre bound to get into a fight. Most fight over the exact reason you gave above. Things tend to decrease like you say over the years as you two grow accustomed to each other and actually get tired of fighting over the same boring things. It sounds like you two will be just fine, so dont worry. Good luck to both of you

Answer 8

You sound like me and my husband. Are first year, got pregnant, new house, almost lost the house because he lied about paying the mortgage. So much in so little time to go on. We went to counseling and it helped BIG TIME. One thing our counselor said was that we had so much happen to us at one time that it was normal that we were arguing all the time and talking about divorcing. Get some counseling and hang in there. Because it did work for us and we now don't argue like we used to. Our commiunication skills have gotten a lot better too. Try it.

Answer 9

it sounds like you guys need to put everything aside. And go away for a week and find one another. fell back in love with each other. your first anniversary sounds like a great time to do that.

Answer 10

your situation is not unusual... seems you two need a bit more communications between each other... it is assumed both want to be married to each other...