To not call mother in law and tell her the baby is here until after labor is over and child is here?...Last time she was called right when I went into labor,flew in and showed up an hour later,asked to hold the baby constantly,I kept having to ask her for my baby back!She wouldn't even step out when it was time for me to feed!She kept taking pictures of the baby's face REALLY close up and flashing baby's eyes.The child was flinching for a half hour after she left!! My mother was there and didn't behave this way!NOONE else behaved this way!I feel like my hubby and I's first hours with our child were ruined and intruded upon.I DO NOT want this to happen again! What should I do?
2007-01-17 07:33:40 · 26 answers · asked by Direktor 5 in Pregnancy & Parenting ➔ Pregnancy
YOU are the one in labor and YOU are the mom. It's all up to YOU what you want.
You can always act like there just wasn't enough time to call because things were fast or you weren't sure you were really in labor, etc.
Or you can ask MIL to take care of your older child at your home during the birth that way she is occupied and out of your way.
Or have hubby talk to her and explain that you really want it to be just the two of you there this time around and want some time for just the three of you after the birth.
2007-01-17 07:37:57 · answer #1 · answered by momma2mingbu 7 · 7⤊ 1⤋
That is so horrible I feel for you. That would not be rude at all. I'd wait a couple days if she acted like that. What does your husband think about this?? OR maybe you could be honest with her and tell her that she can come- (once your ready of course) but only for about 1/2 an hour(tell her it's hospital rules that each visitor is given a certain amount of time..and no cameras with a flash)- and that she can get a chance to hold the baby once your out of the hospital or maybe just only for like 5 minutes their at the hospital. That is really rude what she did, when a baby is born it needs to be with it's mother and feel her love and warmth,it's coming from being inside you to a whole new place. It is a very traumatizing experience for a baby to go through the whole delivery process(as well for the mother in many ways during and after!!!).
2007-01-17 07:52:19 · answer #2 · answered by Jenn S 5 · 1⤊ 1⤋
I think you should tell your immediate family when you go into labor, BUT I have an idea.
When you arrive or before, have written instructions for the nursing staff. Hand them the note and have you or your husband discuss it with them soon after arriving at the hospital. On my hospital tour they said any adult could visit (and any child if family) but they have had requests to limit visitors -such as in your situation. Maybe you could explain it to the nurses and they could help limit your mother in law's visits (mother and or the baby need to rest now, come back later, etc)? That way, it 'd be coming from the nurses and not you.
2007-01-17 07:50:28 · answer #3 · answered by tcdrtw 4 · 2⤊ 0⤋
My last pregnancy my boyfriend thought it woul be an ok idea for his mom AND his sister to be in the room when I delivered... CAMCORDER and all. Had enough people staring at my stuff without that going on. Thankfully they live a state away, so I had the baby before they got here!!! LOL I am now preg again and no way will it happen this time either...it's YOUR baby , YOUR body, and YOUR birth experience...I understand her feelings will prob be hurt but you hafta be watching out for you and baby first...Lots of luck
2007-01-17 07:47:01 · answer #4 · answered by Proud Mommy of 6 6 · 3⤊ 1⤋
If she HAS to be there then you should make up some rule about cameras once she gets there. That way she won't be flashing the poor babies eyes out. Also, maybe your husband should talk to her beforehand and lay down some definite rules... and let her know you want to be the one holding the baby most of the time. She will have time to do so later.
2007-01-17 07:40:39 · answer #5 · answered by lysistrata411 6 · 4⤊ 1⤋
HI im in the same boat as you!!! NO you do not have to call her right away. Or when you do call her tell her she can come at a certain time (name a time and say no sooner) as you and your hubby want your own time with baby. Make sure your hubby agrees with you cuz the first thing she will do is ***** to him....make sure he tells her the same.
As for the feeding.....be really firm...say ____would you mind excusing us for about 15 minutes while i feed the baby? Let her know you are drawing the line and not letting her be in charge. !!!
DONT BACK DOWN!
2007-01-17 07:44:26 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 3⤊ 1⤋
No it wouldn't be rude. What she did was rude by not letting you have any time to bond with your brand new baby. You can tell her that her behavior after you gave birth was unacceptable and unless she understands that she'll only be able to be there on your terms you won't let her know the baby is there until you are ready. Best of luck.
2007-01-17 07:42:58 · answer #7 · answered by Miriam Z 5 · 2⤊ 1⤋
Mike Hunt. I used to artwork for a business enterprise the place between the revenues reps got here in only about wetting himself with laughter. He were to verify a customer, a Mr M Hunt yet he did not be attentive to what his first call exchange into. The receptionist on the workplace greeted our rep and then began to aim to track down Mr Hunt. It exchange into purely whilst she called to a colleague "has every person seen Mike Hunt?" that our rep lost it thoroughly!
2016-10-31 09:16:49 · answer #8 · answered by andry 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It would be rude if she was the only one not called. But why not keep the main event between mom and dad and call your families when it is over and you have had a little time together. Also was this in the hospital? Maybe hospital staff could help you with setting guidelines and everyone needs to abide by them. Sometimes staff have a hard time enforcing hospital rules when they think the parents want all these visitors so let them know your concerns ahead of time. It would be better to include everyone in these restrictions or whatever you want to call them than to single one out. Maybe it would help to talk to everyone but particularly the MIL beforehand and tell her how things will be. Maybe dad needs to stand up to her, too.
2007-01-17 07:44:41 · answer #9 · answered by Cherry Blossom 2 · 2⤊ 2⤋
Understand your problem..... except my mother-in-law stayed at the hospital while i was in labor and wouldn't leave.... thankfully i was smart enough not to let ANYONE see me other than my hubby...
have your husband call her AFTER the baby is born, and tell her that you are tired, the baby is tired, you need a couple hours before she can come see you.
you just had a baby, you need time to relax and get to know your baby! you are not rude.... and you don't have to be rude about it either. its your right.
i know it might be harsh, but it is possible, because i would hope that visitors have to go through the nurses to get to you, but you can ask not let you have visitors until a certain time.
i hope everything works out! good luck!
2007-01-17 07:41:04 · answer #10 · answered by mrs. ruspee 3 · 4⤊ 1⤋
If you don't tell her right away, you will have to live with her anger about it for the rest of the time that you know her. Yes, it's YOUR child, but it's HER grandchild.
Honestly, the most tactful thing to do would be to have your hubby speak with her NOW. He can let her know that she's welcome to come out, but that you both will need time with the child and that she may not be able to see it for several hours. Let her know that she's welcome to take photos, but without the flash. If she gets there and tries to monopolize the baby's time, then he needs to step in.
2007-01-17 07:47:50 · answer #11 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 2⤋