I've been married 10 yrs. I have a daughter by previous relationship and we have 2 kids 2gether. We separated about a yr ago and got back together. Well I don't know if this was a good idea. He is a good man, good provider, good father, faithful and honest. But I think that sexually we are on different levels. I know that it is not all about the sex, but lets face it, sex play a big part. I think because I'm very sexual and want to try different stuff he doesn't trust me. I have told him what I want sexually but I feel he is disgusted by me. He makes me feel that me being a very sexual person is bad and I should be ashamed. I'm not asking to be with another man just to let it be know. What should I do?
2007-01-17 07:29:28 · 10 answers · asked by Sexy V 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
I think some people are thinking I am being stupid about the sex thing. I do understand tha a relationship is more than sex, I really do. But when your husband is so disgusted by you and the things you want to do that he puts you down, it is too much. I'm just asking am I the only one. How do I handle this. I wake up every morning and feel nothing for him. I go to bed every night feeling nothing for him. I pretend everyday that I care for my kids. I pretend I care so he as a man can feel secure. I feel that I should at least be entitled to this one happiness. I am giving up a life time of happiness for my kids so why can't I enjoy the one thing that will make me happy.
2007-01-18 00:49:54 · update #1
If sex is that important to you then you've got a problem. Either accept him as he is or find someone else.
2007-01-17 07:33:04 · answer #1 · answered by Michael K 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Relax, take a deep breath, and focus on what you both do want, rather on what one of you wants and the other doesn't. There's always going to be that, not just in sex but in every aspect of life. In the case of sex, the more conservative person usually ends up being the one who needs to be the final say, so long as they are not so conservative as to deny sexual pleasure to their partner at all. Consider: some people have been abused or hurt sexually, and don't want to experiment becasue it brings up bad memories. People will say therapy if that's the case, but therapy can only do so much. Sometimes the things that has hurt someone sexually are not so easily defined as "A friend of the family made me strip for all his friends when I was five" or "I was tied to a tree naked and left there for three hours alone when I was eight." Sometimes it's the high school cheerleader who picked on you for choosing to remain a virgin, the jock who thought you were homosexual because you wouldn't be involved in 10 minutes in heaven games, or the high school counciler who told you that you weren't normal for wanting to put off dating until you were out of high school. More subtle things arne't necissarily less hurtful. I should know: I was abused as a child, but the abuse was not a whole lot more hurtful than the jr. high and highschool kids picking on me for trying to make right decisions. The abuse I'm "over" (as much as one is ever over that kind of thing) but the taunting and teasing still lingers and causes me problems in my day to day interactions sometimes.
2007-01-17 15:52:24 · answer #2 · answered by Sean J 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Welcome to my club. I am in the same situation as you. My man is boring in bed while I crave variety. If he is everything but the sex... then look at it this way... in 30 years when there is no sex, you will still think he is a good man, good providor etc... My man said this to me today while I was bitching about our sex life.
I say, start slow. Try to add variety in by making him think its his idea. Ya never know it may work. Of course, you feelign bad and ashamed is not a good thing. Maybe ask him directly why he isnt interested in more variety and work from there. ... good luck.
2007-01-17 15:36:14 · answer #3 · answered by Java Queen 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sounds like both of you simply married the wrong person. It's not about sex, but it IS about compatibility, and you're not compatible in this major area. There's nothing wrong with how either of you are feeling, but you're just not good together is all.
2007-01-17 15:38:50 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
You guys really need to sit down and talk things threw, if necessary consider some marriage counseling. He need s to realize everyone is different and that trying new and crazy ideas in the bedroom can only help a marriage not condemn it to hell.
2007-01-17 15:33:37 · answer #5 · answered by jaws1013 3 · 1⤊ 1⤋
i have the same problem- just pretend like you don't want it and see how he starts to change
2007-01-17 15:34:44 · answer #6 · answered by Cheesy Stuff 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
find out what he likes than put a twist on that so it will work for you and him
2007-01-17 15:36:27 · answer #7 · answered by hanusya101 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
What could be so terrible that he is disgusted??? You want to pee in his mouth??? I mean, seriously...........
2007-01-17 15:48:14 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Don't deny yourself
2007-01-17 15:43:59 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
come visit me when your husband isnt around! I'll give you what you want!
2007-01-17 15:32:35 · answer #10 · answered by Stephen R 3 · 1⤊ 4⤋