What can I do to gain some self-confidence?

Question

I have absolutely no self-confidence. Since I was little, I was told I was ugly and horrible and I'd never get a boyfriend. I had excema on my face all the time and I was fat.

Now I'm 15. I'm 5ft 8, weigh 8.5 st and have blonde hair/hazel eyes. The excema has gone, and I get the odd spot.

I still feel ugly all the time though. All my friends say I look pretty, but the guys in school have different opinions. Their comments are the things that get me down about myself and make me believe I'm ugly. Still, all my friends have boy-friends, (mostly long term ones) and I'm pretty much the only single one. This makes me think that even more so.

Is there anything I can do to get my self-confidence back?

Seriously appreciated, I've had to live with feeling like this for 11 years now.

Thanks x.

Answer 1

Number one. Your a blond and your tall. I'm in a circle of friends who are all deemed very attractive and have all found that they can often get insulted by men when the men know they don't stand a chance because my friends are so much more attractive then them (think about it...if you were advising a friend going through this you'd know something doesnt add up, I mean whats in it for the bullies?).
I went through really similar to you at school to the point where I was actually planning plastic surgery. They said I was fat and had big nose. What helped me is instead of comparing myself to other women, I learnt to celebrate what was good about myself and to celebrate myself. I'm a tall brunette, so whats the point in trying to be a short blonde or looking for the opposite of myself as a role model? Instead, look around at actresses and models who share your qualities and see how they use them and dress them up so you can celebrate your uniqueness. So many women pass off "imperfections" as unique character traits with an air of self confidence. I was reading that Uma Thurman used to think she was ugly due to bullying at school, on the basis of being a tall blonde with a big nose. If it can happen to her...I mean she's absolutely stunning. I've noticed its often the prettiest girls that get the hardest time from people about looks. God knows why.

I found that altering my posture really helped me. Even if your dying on the inside you can look confident and people start to react different and in turn you start to feel different. Hold your head up when talking to people, relax your shoulders back, look people in the eye etc. Dont keep apologising for your self in conversation, make sure your voice isn't too strong or too weak. There is a really good book called "self esteem by Gael Lindenfield" that has more on that stuff.
And if your going to do one thing, treat yourself to a brilliant hair cut and so much of the time the rest follows. You sound like you could wear clothes that most people could only dream of - so really use it. Your a tall blond so enjoy it!
And so these "boys" think your ugly. Do you think their attractive?
I've never met a happy, secure person that feels the need to treat another person like that. Pity them and try to rise above it. At least you know this stuff is wrong and you can sleep at night. They're obviously very mixed up people.
And there is so much more to high school and small minds. You'll blossom with time and not look back.
So what if your single? So many women go from one boyfriend to the other to prove that their attractive and because they are afraid of being alone, not because they're happy with there choices of boyfriend and end up getting hurt. If all single women are ugly, than are you saying all women with boyfriends are pretty? No. Use the time you spend single to develop yourself, fill your life with things and people that inspire you, learn independence and strength, spirituality. Nothing is more attractive than a woman who loves life.
DON'T GIVE THEM THE SATISFACTION OF BEATING YOU.
Hold your head up, take a deep breath and give them hell!!!!!!!!

Answer 2

I was in your position once. I was told I was ugly and fat all the time since I could remember. When I was 15, all of my friends had boyfriends and I was the only one in my circle who didn't, and of course, I felt left out. That is, until 2 of my friends got pregnant and had to leave school!

There is no easy answer on how to gain your self confidence or to get it back. You need to think to yourself that no matter what other people say or have said to you in the past, YOU are the one who has to look in the mirror every day. You have to look in the mirror and say to yourself, "I am a beatiful person on the inside and outside". YOU have to be the one who changes your ideas and attitude about yourself. YOU are the one who is in control of your life and NO ONE ELSE! I know this isn't easy, but trust me, you will be fine in time. It takes a long time to get messed up and it takes a LONG time to get better!

Some things that you can do is think POSITIVELY! Positive thinking brings about positive results and like the old saying goes, you can't (and won't) find someone who loves you until you love YOURSELF!!

You can also go to your local mall and get a little mini-makeover at the makeup counter. Buy a cute little outfit and show yourself off around the mall to bring your spirits up. But remember that this is only a temporary fix. The real fix will be when you can look in the mirror and honestly believe that you are beautiful. Inside and out.

Hope this helps!

Answer 3

Well, first thing, 15 year old boys always have something negative to say to girls. It's their job!
Trust me, older men won't give you the same reaction.
However, you're a little girl so stay away from that.
As far as your looks, A lot of professional models we're "ugly ducklings" in their day.
Look through Yahoo images of Paris Hilton before her "make over" And google "photoshop airbrush tutorial" you can see the tricks professional artist have to use to make models look so good. Believe me, i'm one of those artist.
They all have scars, zits and cellulite like the rest of us.
Also try new things. When you master things you thought you couldn't do, you feel much better about yourself. Try taking a class that involves groups rather than individual achievment. It'll help you make friends. It is always good to have a support group of friends and family to help you get through tough times.

Answer 4

Dont let people put you down. I would go to the salon and get a manicure. Put a little makeup on, go shopping for a new outfit you have been eyeing and get a new hair style and then lets see what people think. On the inside is what matters the most. There are some great new colors out there for makeup. Go on a shopping spree and enjoy yourself. Enjoy life. Stand tall. Good Luck Sweetie

Answer 5

I use to feel like you when I was your age. I was in the 8th grade and weighed 185 pounds. I had told my mom that I wasn't going to high school fat and ugly. So what I did is went on a diet for 1 year and got down to 110 pounds. What I have learned is that the longer you keep saying those bad things, the longer you will believe them. SO STOP! Do what makes you happy and forget everyone and everything else. Always remember: YOUR STRENGTH COMES FROM WITHIN.

Answer 6

I used to feel exactly the same when i was younger but now i have loads of confidence i started with taking a health and beauty class. Also i take a belly dancing class and i now have a very slim figure which helps when your trying to attract boys also get good makeup tips from the internet and buy good makeup to make yourself stand out. For confidence try belly dancing or salsa dancing classes these really helped me.

Answer 7

Yes!
There is something that you can do to get your self-confidence back.
People that tease you and say that you are ugly are not the kind of people that you need to be around.
Get rid of them first.
Just stop associating with them.
Make some new girl friends and go out with them.
Have some fun and stop punishing yourself.
And don't go around looking for a guy, guys can be real jerks sometimes and it will only hurt your confidence more if they reject you.
Let the guys come to you and if you hang around with some other girls they will.

Answer 8

the first thing you must do is change your attitude towards yourself. don't be so down on yourself. second stop letting other people define who you are. it is none of your business what other people think of you. don't worry high school is not the rest of your life, so many times you can get caught up in the moment, its only four years, i've been graduated twice that long already! it seems like yesterday. as soon as you start feeling better about yourself the sooner other people will start noticing you.

Answer 9

i am really glad that everyone is being so nice to you. i used to have a problem with self-esteem, too. i think everyone has those days when we hate ourselves. the first thing i had to do was decide to love myself. i had to sit down and say, "You are beautiful,". the second thing i did was decide not to listen to what anyone said. even when they said a good thing about me. i had to find that happiness and acceptance from the inside, not from my friends. the third thing i had to do was love my inside. yes, that sounds cruel, but i had to look for the best in me. the worst always pops out first, but the good is the foundation to everything.


you just need to love yourself, my dear. somebody will love you back if you show that you love yourself. wear the best makeup and outfit: confidence

Answer 10

Not to sound like an after school special or anything, but you could call a youth hotline and talk to a professional. People on yahoo sometimes get nasty attitudes as well. Good luck to you. I wil try to find a number.

Found one!

http://www.teenline.org/