do i follow my heart or go with my gut instinct?

Question

i was recovering from cancer,and my man couldnt cope with everything,we were drifting apart,me and one of my male friends ended up getting real close,we become so close that i started to have feelings for him,and he had feelings for me,we were both bosotted with one another,the problem is that he has a wife and kids and me the same,he has got a track record as well of having a few affairs,i dont know what to do

Answer 1

Hmmmm, a difficult one for sure. You'll have to really think hard about how you'd feel if you left your husband for good to be with this other guy - you won't really know how things will work out until you take the step. Be aware though if he's had a few affairs prevoiusly though - would be awful if you left your husband for him only to find out a few months later that he could be seeing someone else etc. I think if i was you, I'd give it one last shot with your husband and explain to the other guy why. Best of luck x

Answer 2

Being that you are both married there really shouldn't be an option. You know what you shouldn't do. Married means married. I doubt either of you put a clause on your marriage certificate stating that if neither of you were happy that the marriage is null. I understand you were wowed by this other man being there for you but really think this through. If he was such a great man he would be standing by his wife. It seems as if his evil plan worked on you. He obviously cared for you before this in order for him to devote his time to you and not his family. So he deliberately talked you out of your heart. He whisked you away from your husband right into his arms. Shame on him for taking advantage of you when you were at your weakest. This is how I see your situation. He already has a record of infidelity so that should tell you he's selfish. That should also tell you that he will walk on whomever (wife/kids) he has to to get what HE wants. So what about you makes you different to where he wouldn't do this to you? I mean he has already commited his life to another woman as you another man. Yet he still goes astray. Really think all of the scenario's through before you take any action. Just because the grass looks greener, don't neccessarily mean it is. Take care of yourself. Good Luck & God Bless!

Answer 3

It sounds as if you were having a really difficult time and needed a bit of support. I expect it was hard for your partner too. If you care for someone you're upset if something's wrong and you don't always get things right.
It can be easy to mistake your feelings. Do you have to make a decision right away? Why not give yourself time?
Whatever you do will effect 2 lots of children so you want to get it right. I think you have doubts about this man already or you wouldn't be asking the question. No one can decide for you. It may be that neither relationship is right . Just don't rush if your instinct is warning you I'd be guided by that. hope this is some help

Answer 4

All the best to you, no matter what.
Of course you need someone during this time, and it's easy to understand how you could slip into something that is feels so good, even though it's so wrong.
Of course, this man is going to have affairs, if that's what he does.
And people might forgive you...
are you going to forgive yourself?
If you put yourself in a position where you could be attacked by other people, and even end up feeling guilty without anyone's help, are you helping your health?
I hope to goodness that you are at a stage where you are fighting the cancer. In that case, you need to keep yourself in love with yourself. You need to feel good about your chioces. The stress that this situation can bring might make not only your heart, but your body, feel even worse.
Are there any support groups?
You know, there are even dating groups for those with herpes...
I have no idea how stupid that probably sounds, but I think you need people who can support you. There's nothing like hearing,"I know what you mean. That's been happening to me, too."
Love chemicals can be such a rush. But what happens when the affair is over?
The chemcial down could send you into a whole new level of illness, you know?
Be well! Keep on keepin' on!

Answer 5

Firstly, so glad you have recovered and good luck with that. Always go with your gut feeling, never do otherwise. I did only once and I was so lucky as he turned out to be very emotionally abusive. If his track record is in play then the chances are he will do it again. Believe me they never leave the wife no matter what. Its a safety blanket thing especially as they get older. Also you have been through a lot of emotional things and basically are emotional. We start thinking about what we want and accept love and affection in anyway we can get it. The sad thing is this bloke knows that. I always think if he can do it to his wife he can do it to you. Wish you so much luck with your recovery. Wait for someone who is worthy of you.

Answer 6

Honey, you have a second chance at life now... do you really want to start that life as someone's mistress? because that's what you'll be if you continue this attachment with your "friend." He won't leave his wife for you, and even if he did, what's to stop him from cheating on you like he cheated on her? You deserve better. Put this guy out of your life and refuse to see him until you are both free of this unhealthy attachment.
Perhaps you need some time WITHOUT a man to repair your mental/emotional state, just as you have repaired your physical state. Try not being romantically involved with any man for the next year, while you work on becoming someone YOU yourself can love and respect.

Answer 7

In this instance you need to use your head, boring as that can sometimes be, esp with children involved you need to think practically. If this other guy has had affairs in the past then the likelihood of him cheating on you is high, then you will end up getting really hurt. Don't break up a family no matter how much you like this guy. It isn't fair on his wife & children. Find someone more attainable & single.

Answer 8

im sorry to read u had cancer and that u and ur man r drifting apart it must have been a terrible ordeal for u both.talk to ur man he prob went through hell aswell. it couldnt have been easy for him either watchin u go through something like that and not been able to take away ur pain he must have felt helpless. how long do u think it would last with this other man. u will end up hurtin ur kids and his family for someone ur not in love with only besotted with.u say hes had affairs b4 do u think he wouldnt do it 2 u. ur never trust him and i think ur end up knowing how ur man and his wife feel if u carry on with this man. once a cheater always a cheater.

Answer 9

Just stay friends and nothing more. You don't want to put yourself through the drams of emotional pain as well as the other Innocent people who will getting involved and VERY HURT. Also if he gets together with you, you are just adding to his long track record. Do everyone a favor and DON'T let it go any further. Your life has been saved from Cancer count that as a blessing and don't be so selfish as to destroying other peoples lives.........

Answer 10

it's so funny to me how people don't really read what they write because the answer is in the question generally. You said it yourself " he has a wife and has a track record of having affairs.". This doesn't take a brain surgeon to figure out that you already know the truth and your choosing to avoid it because you have a want. Weigh the two of them: truth vs want ..happy thinking!!