Is wondering about what else is out there normal? Does it make me a bad wife?

Question

I got married too young. We found out I was pregnant and we were married a week later. I love him, but I can't help but to think that maybe we made a mistake. Our relationship isn't great, but it's not terrible either. I know we wouldn't have gotten married if it wasn't for the pregnancy. And if it wasn't for our daughter, our marriage probably would've ended already. Kids make you think more before you decide to leave. My parents divorced when I was young, and it was horrible. I don't want to put my daughter through that. Is it better to stay together so the kid will have two parents that are married, or will that be worse than two happily divorced parents? I am scared to divorce my husband because I may not find someone who cares about me like he does. I am also afraid that I will not make it financially on my own. Any advice?

i should probably add that the way our relationship it, we are like friends who live in the same house and who are raising a baby together. we treat each other as we would a roommate with benefits, which sometimes works fine, but other times i crave intimacy, affection and getting looked at like i'm the only woman in the world for him. we have opposite personalities, and not in a good way. we fight but try not to in front of the baby for her sake. i'm just confused. i love him, but i'm not sure i love him in a wifely way, it's more of a close friend love.

Answer 1

It sounds like you are in a relatively happy relationship and your husband cares about you. Why are you asking, then? Just because your bond is not perfect and dreamy?
Most marraiges are not full of mystical love - the best ones are just between two people who get along as close friends and who have a reason to be together. It sounds like you have a reason to be together, at least.
Unless this relationship is physically or verbally abusive, it doesn't sound bad at all.

Answer 2

Wondering what else is out there is normal. Acting on it is immature. You thought you were mature enough to have a baby, so now you have responsibility and you can't just throw it off and pretend like your baby doesn't exist. All people in marriages sometimes wish for more fun and freedom, but you don't have to divorce in order to reach a happy compromise. Let your husband watch the baby while you have an innocent but fun girls night out once a week. Buy relationship help books and both of you work together on them. You can increase the romance and intimacy in your relationship if you both choose to do so and work at it. The fun part -- making the baby -- is over. The hard part -- raising the baby within a marriage -- is here. Your life can and will be what you make of it.

Answer 3

I know I'm answering this question 40 minutes after you asked, so hopefully you read this. You are not a bad person or bad wife for thinking and feeling the way you do. You simply tried to do the right thing.

As far as getting married is concerned, of course you feel the way you do- you both married each other for your baby! You didn't marry because he was the only man for you, you did it because you got pregnant. If you're not married to "the one" and you both know it, of course you're going to wonder what's out there!!!!!!!!!

All I know is that you're COMPLETELY normal. Even people who married "the one" (if that is even a true concept) wonder about what life could've been like.

Normal, normal, normal!!!!! And you're not a bad wife by any means!!!!!!

I wish you all the luck in the world, I really do. You and your baby. Life might be rough, but even when it gets messy, down the road you can start over. Even if you're 40 years old with a messy divorce and 3 kids. You can start over.

Answer 4

Although what you're feeling is normal, you also have to be careful with your thoughts. They can become obsessive and destroy your life. You need to put things in perspective. You married young and now you're not sure if you made the right decision. Love is not an emotion, it's an action. You might just be missing some excitement and sparks in your marriage. I suggest maybe a counselor and also try doing date nights with your husband, go out dancing, dinner, movies, romantic weekend getaways, etc. You have to keep the marriage alive. You say you have a good man. Then don't give up on him. Trust me, the grass is never greener on the other side. Second marriages are extremely difficult. Most of them don't even survive especially when it's a blended family. Your husband and your children deserve you fighting for a healthy, fun, loving marriage. Good luck!

Answer 5

Do you believe in the bible? if so, it said there that, if you marry the wrong person is you that choose to live that type of life. Don't think of making any divorce because you may not get any better man then what you have now, if you are not happy with what you have right now, then try to fix it and make it even better. if you leave him, you would need to find the right man, which usually there are not a lot of them there. and after you found the right man, you need to get alone with each other as well, plug you have a child. So stay together if he is not hurting you or hitting you. if it is just a feeling problem, find some thing to do together, like go out to some place. or something that needed both of you together in order to do stuff. Stay together.!

Answer 6

First of all congrats on the baby. Now, don't let that be the cause of your marriage because that can begin to be a problem if its because of the baby. Ask your self are you sure you love him? Why did I marry? Was I force to marry or did I really love him when I said I do? Another thing is you are afraid and the good thing is you admitted it. But first you should be independant regardless if you have a spouse or not I think every woman should be dependable and able to hold herself up. Is he cheating on you? abusing you...physical? mentally? Is he lazy? Do he provide for the home? If he is a good man why do you want to leave???? Do you know how many women are out there seeking a GOOD man but are stuck with the scum bags. Don't let the lust get in the way of your marriage and ruin something that is good. The key to a marriage and any relationship is communication. Did you talk to your husband? Do he feel the same way? But trust me there is nothing out there but good looks and DISEASES so save your marriage and your home.

Answer 7

The past is in the past, the question now is, ARE YOU HAPPY? If neither one of you is happy then there's no point staying in the marriage. Be honest with your husband. I understand you have daughter and you stayed because of her. I mean there's a way for her to have both her parents around her if you find a mutual and peaceful divorce (like Jude Law and Sadie Frost)
So, let's say that you can't find someone who cares about you like your husband does, what you gonna do? Stay and be miserable? If you're afraid that you can't support yourself financially after the divorce, why don't you try something right now and see what works for you? I must say, you're a very dependable person. Have you ever taught about giving this marriage a second chance? I mean if you're afraid of alot of things then you're not ready to be on your own. Think it through, your decicions affect your husband and daughter.

Answer 8

We too got pregnant and married young and then lived our lives solely for the children. The past couple of years we started meeting other couples since we missed out on dating other people as young adults. Surprisingly it has help our relationship. We are more open minded and understanding and trusting of each other. The communications have never been better as well as the sex life has picked up again! It doesn't work for all couples, but do some research and see if Swinging is something you two would be interested in. There is a good website with free information below.

http://www.swingersboard.com/

Answer 9

I would first say that you should analyze your relationship. It is not a bad thing to wonder what else is out there...we're all human and we all tend to do that from time to time. The question is...would you rather be elsewhere than with your husband? Thinking and doing are two different things... Figure out what makes YOU happy and where YOU want to be, and go from there. As far as whether or not you will find someone who loves and cares about you if you divorce your husband, you need not be concerned about that. If you are unhappy with him, then maybe it wasn't meant to be...if it wasn't meant to be, then that means someone else out there is waiting for you. I'm sure that person will be able to love you and care about you they way you need for them to. Financially...that is something to think about. However, there are so many resources that will help you with rent, bills, etc. so I don't believe that staying in a marriage that you possibly don't want to be in just because he's financially supportive is a good idea. Research the web and see if you can find churches, organizations, companies, etc. in your area that could help you if you feel as though you will need assistance. As far as the child, that (in my opinion) is definitely not a reason to stay in a marriage. Although divorce can be hard on a child, I believe two happy, separated people can be more effective as parents as opposed to two married people forced to be together due to a child. So...this is my two cents...hopefully it helps and I wish you the best.

Answer 10

It's easier to stay in a bad marraige sometimes, but it's not the best thing to do.

It all boils down to quality of life for you and your husband and your daughter. Will you both love your daughter regardless? Will you treat each other civilly for her sake?

Kids get hurt in divorce when Mom and Dad HATE each other and make life miserable for the other. This in turn affects the kids. If mom and dad act civil to each other and make an effort to do the right thing where the kids are concerned then divorce can be a viable alternative.

Your happiness is important, so is the happiness of your spouse and child. weigh these very carefully