Cheater or hard worker?

Question

My wife recently took on a new job. I support her in every way I can because I went through a similar job change about 2 years ago. Trouble is, when she comes home she rarely has energy to spend quality time with our daughter and I. She's generally asleep by 8 and up in the morning around 4:30. She spends the first two hours of her day (4:30am -6:30 am) tanning, working out and doing yoga. She leaves the laundry, cleaning, cooking up to me. Not to mention taking care of our daughters needs. When we do get a few minutes alone she is so focused on talking about the people she works with and show zero interest in my day. She'll often talk about how men she works with compliment her on how she looks. She quit meeting me for lunch and has been coming home later and later. She had cheated on me once, before we were married. Can she be trusted as a hard worker or is she up to somethin?

I have a full-time job and successfull career as well. We used to split the housework 50/50. Now, I bust my hump trying to keep up with it all. She seems perfectly happy either weather the house is a pig stye or not.

We are both in our early 30's and make about the same income (I make a little more).

Answer 1

her focus is not on her child, or her home, it's on herself, when she has a conversation with u it's about the people at work. she goes to bed early to avoid u. she is into herself, knows she looks good, and could be thinking about having an affair. seems to me the first thing in a marriage to change when they are in an affair or planning one is a change in their behavior, that they seem to focus on themselves, and not the marriage they have. seems they loose interest in the things they use to like to do. in my case when remembering back, he began to focus more on himself, buying new clothing, no longer interested in our home, as he previously had been, total lack of communication with me, would go to sleep early, be gone before i got up, only i failed to see it or confront it, but it was there just the same.

Answer 2

Do you both work or are you a stay at home Dad? If you both work, then it sounds like she's not doing her share of the work. Spending 2 hours a day on herself is too much if she doesn't even have time to spend with you or her daughter. You need to talk to her and tell her how you feel. Let her know your needs. I would poke around a bit before accusing her of cheating. If she's done it before, she may be doing it again. I'd investigate and then spend serious time thinking about what you want to do before confronting her. If she's cheating, you need to decide if you are going to leave her or not and also consider if you want custody or not. While I believe sometimes it's best to just ask and be open with your spouse, in some circumstances it's better to be informed and take time to think about it and consider your options. Good luck to you!

Answer 3

OK this doesn't sound good to me. Two three red flags here...1 works out (time to start looking hot-who for?) ...2New job equals new people (more options)....3 coming home late.

You left way too much out on this like who is the major bread winner, what she does for a living. How old you are? How long you been together. Are you Mr mom?(not that there is anything wrong with that)

It obvious that YOU don't trust her. Frankly it doesn't sound like their is allot in this relationship for you. This is what you get when you are with a corporate woman. The truth if she is going to cheat she will, thier not really not anything you can do about it. I work those hours most days and i'm asleep by 10pm too.

Best advise: when she gets home look good. Give her 1 hour of silence and knock the bottom out before dinner. Or get up get showered and replace yoga with sex.

Answer 4

I'm a psychologist and have come to recognize many signs of unfaithfulness during my career. One of the biggest signs of an affair is sudden interest in appearance, such as buying a new wardrobe or attempting to get buff at the gym. A red flag went off in my mind when you said your wife spends two hours in the morning trying to look her best.

Another sign is a person's cell phone becomes their baby - they constantly check it and get possessive of it if other people get close to it. You didn't mention anything like this, but it might be something to look into.

Communication is a vital part of any relationshp, along with affection and intimacy. Even if your wife is not having an affair, your marriage is lacking in these three areas. I'd ask her to sit down with you for lunch or dinner and have a talk about your relationship. Be completely honest and open with your feelings, and hopefully, she will be, too. If you want to talk more, e-mail me at Sobe203 (at) aol (dot) com

Answer 5

There is nothing wrong with her working out in the morning that is the best time after all, and personal health is key to a long life. Maybe she tells you about how the guys at work work compliment her because she feels that you may not, so she wants you to know that people do think that she is indeed hot. Also if she gets up at 4:30 in the morning she probably is going to be tired when she gets home. Maybe she wants you to take on some of the house duties so that you know how it feels to do such things and not get any recognition for it. I dont think she is cheating, but there is always a way to find out. Either follow her around of call cheaters. But honestly i dont think she is cheating on you, it just seems like she is trying to do something for herself to be self fulfilled. i hope everything works out for you.

Answer 6

Her actions have no proof of infidelity, but it does show lack of dedication towards you & her children (which may i add are VIP's). You should ask her if she's being unfaithful, let her know you just have doubts again since she hasn't been doing her duties as a loving wife & mother. You have every right to feel uneasy since she's cheated in the past. You shouldn't assume without a true confirmation. Don't let this escalate, both of you need to sit down & talk about it. Open communication can always resolve & change things for the better.

Answer 7

See if you can get some time alone on the weekend and talk to her about how you feel. People definitely can change and it sounds like she's feeling good about herself, which can be why she's living in her own world right now and is overly ensconsed in her work life. Don't jump the gun that she's cheating - just sounds like she's running amok a little right now. Keep your antennea up and aware for any clues that come up, but give her the benefit of the doubt. Seriously, talk to her and tell her how you are feeling. It might really help (maybe she doesn't even realize how she's acting). Good luck..I hope everything works out well.

Answer 8

If you can't trust her you don't belong in a relationship with her. You need trust for love and respect to follow. All of the reasons you listed for not trusting her could be explained by her excitment over her new job. Maybe you should be happy for her. And show it. You mention that she tells you that other people find her attractive. Do you tell her that you find her attractive. Try looking into your relationship to find the problem instead of blaming outside influences. It is a statistical fact that most women cheat because their relationship is lacking some emotional connection. Talk to your wife about your feelings, not the cheating. Tell her you feel lonely, & unappreciated. Make a connection.

Answer 9

All that primp and beauty routine has to be for someones benefit. As it is obviously not for you since she wishes to spend no quality time with you and insist on bragging to you about the compliments she gets from other men...she's not being faithful to you or to her child so if I were you, I'd transfer balances to her personal credit cards from your joint ones (excuse* lower interest rate) then cancel the joint ones. Open a private checking account and make sure she has no access to it as she may already know all of your credit info. Then transfer funds for yourself into the private account so you can have enough to pay for your divorce and the apartment you'll need once you leave her. Best Wishes

Answer 10

Really they might be both. They might even be totally fortunate. Life isn't black and white. Some are hardworkers. Some are cheaters. Some are simply very fortunate. Some are a combo.