but are now 100% into women. Do you find that other lesbians who have never slept with men look down on you & feel as if you arent "real" lesbians because you have experimented with men in the past?
I have a few lesbian friends who have only been with women and they make jokes/comments that im really bisexual because i have been with men before, years ago. I have no desire to be with a man now or ever & i'm in a current relationship with the love of mu life. It bothers me when im labeled as bisexual because i'm not. Should i take this personally or should i not care? What are your experiences?
2007-01-17 05:48:41 · 15 answers · asked by Raynebow_Diva 6 in Society & Culture ➔ Cultures & Groups ➔ Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual, and Transgender
F.Y.I for all the ignorant people, no i would not have sex with any man no matter what "game" he thought he had. Those were my younger & dumber days. Sorry. AND not all lesbians are fat & ugly. Idiots annoy me.
2007-01-17 05:56:50 · update #1
I hear what you're saying girl!!
I am now a 100% lesbian woman. I also had a sexual relations with a couple of boyfriends when i was in my teens...but then i met my 1st gf..and i have never looked back since!
I wouldn't entertain the idea of ever being with a guy again..i now know what i was missing with women when i was with my teens.
The teenage years are all about discovering who you are..and while i've always known i liked women...it took me a while to realise just how much i liked them.
I'm now married to my beautiful partner (i live in the UK where this is possible).
And to answer your question...i've never really felt as though other women in our community are looking down on me because of my sexual history, but that's probably because lesbian women who have never had sex with a man are in the minority among the lesbians i have met.
I wouldn't take their comments to heart...their sexuality took a different path to yours is all.
You can't regret the past..it's too late to change it...and anyone who dogs on you for having a history needs to get their ideas sorted out.
2007-01-17 06:12:09 · answer #1 · answered by Sight 4 · 2⤊ 1⤋
I didn't come out to myself until I was 21, and I'll just say I wasn't a virgin at that time, so I'm in the same boat as you. Enough said.
I have heard the term "gold star lesbian" used to refer to lesbians who have never been with a man. And I do have a few friends in that category, but they take the term as a little tongue in cheek. Because, if you think back to your grade school days, a gold star is something one kid would get on his paper and hold it over the other kids... but the other kids wouldn't really care about it.
In short, it can be used as a differentiator, but it's not a big deal.
The more important question is, WHY should anyone care about that difference? Everyone comes from somewhere. We each have history and experiences that shape us into the person we are today.
Some people regret some of those past experiences (such as a lesbian looking back and regretting being with men in the past), but I say DON'T. Even the experiences you regret helped shape who you are today... if you had not had them, you would be a different person today.
As for your friends, are they joking around playfully, and understand that the gold star status really doesn't mean anything? Or are they spitefully holding this over your head and pretending to be better than you? If so, I believe they are being petty and hurtful for no good reason.
If this is the case, I would tell them that this bothers you and ask them to stop, and I would go so far as to say that if they don't stop, and don't show you respect for who you are now, they aren't really people you want to invest energy into as friends, and certainly not as MORE than friends.
2007-01-17 07:32:05 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Take it personally.
Unfortunately, our society is hard-wired to believe that sexual orientation is something you do, not something you feel. Therefore, the straight man who experiments with another man is automatically bisexual and probably gay, even though his experiments only proved to him that he was straigther than straight. Today's current society seems to believe that lesbianism is a fragile thing already (that the right man could make a lesbian revert back), as well as the widespread belief that all women have a bisexual capacity within them, and that only means that lesbians who have had relationships/sex with men in the past are seen as even more vulnerable in terms of their sexual orientation.
I do find that, yes, other lesbians who haven't slept with men look down on those who do. Was it in "The L-Word" or some other show where they used the term 'gold-star', as in a gold-star lesbian being one who had never slept with men? I don't know, but if that isn't a hierarchy that says that there are levels of lesbianism- the purest being 'no men, ever', and the lowest something like 'once married with kids', then I don't know what is. It's cruel, and stupid, and mean, plus it does a generally huge disservice to everyone, men and women both, gay or straight or bisexual.
Stand up for the fact that you're a lesbian. You could sleep exclusively with men but still be a lesbian, so long as you didn't desire men and only wanted women. You aren't bisexual, and you're so-called friend should accept this.
I hope your buds see the light; if not, ignore them.
2007-01-17 06:17:10 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 1⤋
Meh. I don't really see why everyone is so eager to memorize statistics about other people's sex lives. It could be that a number of gays and lesbians spend years struggling with their sexuality before coming to terms with it, which is why many might have frequent relations with the opposite sex prior to coming out, trying to see if they'd feel any attraction during the act. At any rate, statistics generally aren't as accurate as some people seem to think.
2016-03-29 01:48:41 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Yes, there are some lesbians who feel superior because they did not try men first. It seems silly to me, but you got to the important part when you asked if you should take it personally. No, never take anybodys' stupid opinions personally, all you do is hurt yourself. It truly has nothing to do with you, they just feel that way as a point of superiority. It does not hurt or diminish you in any way. I was married and had children. Obviously I tried men first, but it just seemed the thing to do. I knew no one and had no idea how to try the other so I got married as people were expected to do. I'm just as much a lesbian as you are and as they are. Don't let it bother you.
2007-01-17 08:01:21 · answer #5 · answered by irongrama 6 · 3⤊ 0⤋
Don't take it personally. You know who you are and that's what matters. Maybe come up with a cute punch line about having seen the light or something.
And remember it could be worse, you could actually be bisexual. ;-) I only have a queer identity when I'm in a place where there aren't many gays. In a strong lesbian community, I may as well be straight. It used to bother me too.
2007-01-17 05:59:14 · answer #6 · answered by The angels have the phone box. 7 · 2⤊ 1⤋
Look unless you have tried both, then they can't make fun of you. They never experience a penis before so how can they be 100% Lesbian, I'm a virgin but I've kissed(with tongue) a few girls. But I am into men, I intend on marrying a man and having sex with one.
You can't make a decision on whether or not you like sex with men unless you have actually been with one.
Don't care what they say, they just think their smug. Just because you've done both doesn't make you Bi you may of hated sex with a man or the penis. And so you are into only girls. That makes a lesbian. Vise Versa with Gay men.
Being bisexual means you like to mess with both girls and boys. Meaning you enjoy BOTH, not just 1.
Those girls are just stupid.
But 1 question, when your strictly lesbian. Why in the hell do they use strap ons if they don't like the wiener? I never understood this, and wouldn't it be like being with a man if you dress as one?
Whatever, do as you please don't let what they say affect you.
2007-01-17 05:57:56 · answer #7 · answered by +No longer a Yahoo answerer+ 3 · 3⤊ 2⤋
Aim not a lesbian, but can I answer it any ways?
OK....
personally, WHY, would you let that bother you? come on it was a long time ago wasn't it? people always make mistakes,(trying to fit in) or questioning there sexuality, but this dosent make you a bisexual. from the looks of it your 100% LESBIAN ;)
2007-01-17 05:55:59 · answer #8 · answered by ? 4 · 6⤊ 1⤋
I am straight male, but I would like to say in all frankness that bisexual women are the smartest of them all. They get the best of both worlds. I salute them !!!
2014-08-13 05:31:05 · answer #9 · answered by AM 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Lemme get this straight. You are being discriminated against by the gay community for haviing an open mind??? LOL First, don't let it bother you. At least you know what you have rejected.
Intolerance has so MANY faces!
2007-01-17 05:57:11 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 7⤊ 0⤋