messy husband?

Question

i should have been more specific. i asked this question a little while ago, but ill ask again with a few changes. how can i get my husband to clean up after himself? im not asking that he scrub the floor on his hands and knees, i just want him to put his plate in the sink instead of leaving it on the table. i cant withold sex or anything like that because we barely have sex. maybe once a week if im lucky. if i leave the mess there for him to clean it up himself it will end up siting there for WEEKS!!! no joke. he doesnt care about how dirty the house looks, but he wasnt like this before we married. another thing, we have a baby together so i cant just "up and leave" its not that easy!! i need something really good here. c'mon ladies!! share the goods!!! im desperate!

Answer 1

There isn't much you can do other than appeal to his feelings for you. Do you think he's leaving messes because he doesn't really notice such things and honestly forgets to clean up - or is it because he doesn't care? Some people tend to overlook mundane stuff like dirty dishes in the living room - they're not being malicious or disrespectful, it's just that their mind is elsewhere. Try to be understanding, and if this is his "weak point" - it's up to you to step in and take care of these things if he doesn't seem to be able to. My husband tends to be forgetful of such things; he'll leave empty coke cans sitting on the kitchen counter, will never throw away an empty pizza box, and does not remember to fill up the cats' food and water; if he ever cooks, he will leave all the dirty dishes sitting around. These are all my chores; I always do dishes and clean up the kitchen, take care of the laundry, change sheets and towels. My husband works very hard (he runs his own business), and he also does stuff around the house that I could never dream of doing (electrical work, plumbing, painting and other home improvement/handyman projects). I really don't mind throwing away the soda cans; I know that he is not doing these things out of disrespect for me - I have no doubt in that he loves and respects me, because he shows it to me in many ways every day. It's just his mind is often elsewhere, the mundane chores is not his strength.

Answer 2

I had the same problem with my boyfriend (we live together). One night I got so stressed out that I actually ended up crying about it a little, and I think that really woke him up. Up to that point, I don't think he realized how much he was taking advantage of me. After that, he started taking more responsibility...at least for a month or two...then it was back to his old ways. This is a bit of a pattern now, but I finally know how to handle it. First of all, we both sort of have specific chores that we each take care of (I do the laundry, he takes out the trash, etc). The one thing I learned to do was to change my expectations. If I ask him to do something like washing the dishes, I usually want him to do it right away. But it's not fair for me to expect him to drop everything just to do what I want. Now I'll usually give him an option....would he rather mow the lawn or clean the bathroom (I do one and he does one), and then give him a time limit (sometime in the next two days). That way, he has more control over what and when he does things, and I get a little more help around the house. This seems to work pretty well for both of us. As for things like dishes...if I'm cooking, I'll usually make a deal beforehand... "I'll cook, if you'll clean up the dishes." My boyfriend is usually agreeable to this, but if he wasn't, well, then he wouldn't get fed by me!

Answer 3

Put your foot down and take control over the home. Tell him in no uncertain terms that these are the rules and he's gonna live by them or else! After having this face to face conversation, next time he leaves a towel on the floor or plate on the table, grab his arm, take him the the bedroom and beat his behind real good with a paddle or belt. Be forceful, don't waiver. After 2 or 3 trips to the bedroom for dicipline, you'll have him trained. How far you want to go after that is up to you.

Answer 4

why don't you teach him the same way you teach your child, you need to tell him that you would like some help around the house and to just do little things, maybe when you are cleaning your own plate off the table, tell him to do it with you. For me, my bf and I live together and he went from very neat to very messy after about 2 months of us living together, and I used to just pick up after him, but I realized that by me doing that, he never does it, and he forgot how to do it, so I tell him that we don't have a housekeeper and he needs to help me, he does, it just sometimes takes a few reminders, but make sure that you do it all in a nice way and maybe playfully, without accusing him of being messy. try that, it might work for you too

Answer 5

Talk to him about it. Women are always upset about this and that but they never go to their guys and tell them so how are we supposed to know you're upset about something. We are not mind readers. We're men! We don't have that special gift that you ladies have that we can read minds. Just tell him " I can't keep cleaning up after you when I have the baby to take care of. I'm going to need your help with the chores around the house." That simple. If he doesn't get it then sorry to tell you but you married a pig.

Answer 6

Some men just don't care what the house looks like!!!. They think that is what you like to do, clean so they take advantage of this. I would start by encouraging him to pick up little things, like his socks or a glass and notice and complement him by saying; "oh thank you honey for helping me out" or " i love you"after a few of those appreciations and" I Love you's hopefully he will continue

Answer 7

Just sit down and have a talk with him. Tell him how hard it's been on you since the baby and you need help with the chores. Let him name some things he would like to do around the house and let that be his chores from now on.

Answer 8

sorry to hear that, saddly but thier will be no change becouse most men. do not care maybe if you do not pick up really for weeks may be in this life time he will help. some times they need to see and smell thier own stuff do not say any thing just leave
it thier, have people see it and maybe he will be ambarssed and do something about it. well sorry and hope this works.

Answer 9

It just goes back the the stone age dear..........NAG, NAG, NAG!!!
Now you guys know why we do it! Because they force us too! Sorry dear, but if you're willing to stay with him, nagging is the only thing that seems to work in that kind of situation, and believe me, after a while, he will complain about the nagging. Just inform him the more he does the less you'll nag. On a personal note: What's with the "hardly any sex" thing? He's a guy right? I think you need to worry more about that then his lack of chores.

Answer 10

Frankly, while I agree he should pick up, the bottom line is if it bothers you more than him, then you will have to clean up.

You can't make someone want to do something.

Would you want him to "make" you change the oil in your car? Probably not. So he doesn't want you to "make" him pick up his dishes.

You can't make another person do anything, but you can put boundaries on what you will do.

You can say, if I don't have clean dishes, I'm not going to cook dinner.

You only have control over what you do or don't do. Set boundaries and lovingly enforce them.