should I always pick-up my baby when she cries?

Question

with our 1st, we picked her up when she cried. I had read it gave a sense of comfort. We also allowed her to sleep with us most of the time. Either all night, or in the middle of the night. Now the 1st is turning 6, sleeps in her own bed & is relativly good mannered. Our 2nd is going along the same path. I find that I am sometimes busy with the 1st & cannot pick-up the 2nd child when she is screaming. Today, I had to help the 1st with her hair (she has a scalp condition) & the baby (6mths old) had to lie there crying for approx. 5 mins. My 6 yr old asked why she had to hear her sister cry. I told her that I had my hands busy & that the baby would have to learn to comfort herself BUT I ended up picking her up & putting her on my lap. I had to do the 6yr old's hair with 1 hand (kind hard to do). I was a little upset & vocal. I want my older daughter to be good with the baby but I find myself mumbleing unkind words sometimes, & I think my older 1 hears. How do I keep my mouth in check?

She seems to be a Mommy's suck! Left her with Daddy for like 45mins today and she cried the whole time! (and he was holding her!).

Answer 1

I think people who don't pick up their child are mentally ill! What the hell is wrong with people! Those idiots think "oh they are fine, they can cry and it strengthens their lungs" what a bunch of bull Shiit! Does it make any sense if your husband or wife is upset to ignore them? And tell me, how is it spoiling a child to pick them up? Right, it's better to let them cry to and believe that their cries won't be met...that's a great carrier into their adult years and when something goes wrong you have taught them that you won't be available if they need you...GET A CLUE PEOPLE!!!

Answer 2

First of all, baby cries because their is something upsetting them. You have a 6 yr. old and you passed the same way when you had her. Just see to it that your baby is comfortable or has been fed or not wet. Ur right baby shouldn't be carried all the time, but you must check first the cause why the baby's crying.
About your mumbling, try to avoid it as much as you can because you are setting an example to your 1st child. What she sees from you now, she'll be doing it.

Answer 3

Well, I see here that you WANT to pick up your 6mth old when she's crying, but you realise that it isnt always realistic. I wonder many times what it will be like when we have a second child. I never have a spare second with my first! You are doing the best you can, make sure you take time outs for yourself where you can unwind so you dont find yourself saying unkind words that can be overheard by little ears. A Saturday at the mall (by yourself or with girlfriends) while daddy stays home with the girls, goes to a park, whatever...

5 minutes here or there isnt going to cause your second to wonder if she's been abandoned, so dont worry too much. It's when parents let their children cry for a half hr that makes me sad for their child.

Answer 4

You dont need to pick up baby when they are crying all the time it will do them no harm to leave them crying for a small time. Do all the necessary checks that you would normally do when they cry but sometimes they just cry to be picked up. Leave them to cry in a safe place for 5 mins then go and check on them then leave it 10 mins check again and keep doing it they will soon get the idea and know that they are not going to be picked up all the time this is known as controlled crying

Answer 5

About keepign the mouth in check... I sing a song like "the wheels on the bus", another kids song, or any song really. It comforted me while changing my sreaming child's diaper (and cleaning poop off me and the wall when she was first born!) as well as comforting her. I concentrated on making it sound sweet instead of harsh and put a smile on my face when I wanted to scream. Believe it or not, I got better at handling the screaming and the baby was calmed by my being calm.

I think you can't spoil babies by picking them up, but if you are busy with your other child, she can wait 5 minutes. Or you can calm the little one and finish the hair later if that's an option. Make sure the little one can see you and talk to her if you cant pick her up right then,

Answer 6

U do need to let her self comfort sometimes. my 4mth old only really cries if hungry or wet. i only have one child so it would have been easy to hand spoil him. but as a working and basically single parent (we are together but not living together so nights are totally mine), i knew i had to train from the start.

what was recommended is that u leave her to cry a bit at a time- if she cries leave her for 5 mins, then 6 mins, etc increasing a bit at a time. she will learn that you are not coming right away. obviously you only leave her to cry if u sure nothing is really wrong.

what you can also do is when she starts to cry give her a pacifier, fave blankie, toy, etc and talk to her out of her line of vision. this way she knows you are around but not able to come to her right away.

explain this techniqu to your family, etc esp the older girl so that they can do the same and will not think you are ignoring her as the older one did.

no matter how much we want to be perfect parents, it just is not possible. sometimes the strains of the other facets of our lives may creep in and we may say things that we should not. you need not beat urslf over it, just tamper it down. don't say mean things, don't swear, curse, etc.

Answer 7

Welcome to my world, I have three that are 5, 3 and 19months and this is my daily life, be proud that you olny left the baby cry for 5 min, it's like take a number and wait in line for mommy. How old is the oldest, can she help with the middle one, that is what i do, my oldes helps me in the morning like getting shoes and coats on the other two while I get ready, but sounds like you doing a great job, just remember to take time to breath.

Answer 8

not really because when they cry that helps your Baby develop his or her lungs but moms know the difference when baby is hungry and or just fussy then OK but other than just sit next to them and just comfort them if not like in your situation leaving the baby to cry because your hands were full i think that's fine but its just to a certain existent to let them cry I mean yeah let them cry but when they are mad and turning ready because their in pain or Hungry like I said pick them up because then that leads to a whole new problem. Good Luck :)

Answer 9

I am a mother of three children, and I can relate to the problems your having. When my oldest was born, I picked him up everytime he cried. I had to learn how to do everything with him on my hip. Then when he was two I gave birth to my second child, and I breast fed her, so she wanted to be near me all the time. Thus, I had not one but two clinging, crying, babies, both in diapers. I asked my dr what could I do to stop them from crying. His reply was that all babies cry. Crying is the first sound we want to hear from our babies when we give birth. So if they arent hungry, or they dont need to be changed, its ok to put them down and let them cry, while you take care of things. I tried this but I would get frustrated and end up picking them up. A few years ago I gave birth to my third and last child. And from the moment I brought her home from the hospital, I did things a lot different. The first thing I did was put her in her own bed, in her on room. I would hold her to feed, bathe, and changed her, and then I put her down. Oh I did play with her and things like that but If I had something to do I put her down. When she would cry in the middle of the night, I would go feed her, changed her and put her right back in her bed, and let her cry herself back to sleep. Eventually she learned to cry when she needed me and the rest of the time she was content to lay in her crib and play or swing in her swing. And I could take care of my other two children, as well as my house, and myself without a baby on the hip. So the next time you are doing something important, like taking care of your daughters scalp, let the baby cry it out, and eventually she will learn to comfort herself, and you will find your life with a baby much easier.

Answer 10

Your oldest may have turned out like she did, but that doesn't mean your youngest will.

I don't believe in picking them up the minute they cry. That can spoil them and teach them to manipulate you with cries. If they truly need something (bottle, diaper, etc.) then I think you should respond immediately. But if they are crying for no reason then let them cry.

Sometimes letting them cry is what's best. It teaches them to soothe themselves without your help and the parents who pick their kids up immediately when they cry are depriving their kids of that.

Letting her cry for a few minutes isn't going to kill her..in fact, it's going to do alot of good for her.