What would you do if you just CANNOT take the stress of your life anymore?

Question

Believe me--it is bad.I am a 41 year old mom of 4--not a whining teenager.

It is mostly the stress caused by my 16 year old daughter.You have NO IDEA!!

Answer 1

Hey Sunshine. Last year, I coached my sister-in-law in what may be a very similar situation. I’m going to go out on a limb with an assumption that you may be in a similar, common situation in America. If not, no harm no foul, skip over me.

Her 16 year old daughter was skipping school, throwing violent tantrums and hanging around boys with juvenile records. Here's what I explained to her that is happening in America:

Our wants have outgrown our needs. We have multiple credit cards, multiple new cars, pending college debt, 2nd and even 3rd mortgages, etc. The average American family must have 2 incomes to even attempt all of these want and most cannot keep up as evidenced by the growing debt crisis in America. Somehow, somewhere families, spouses and children are blended in.

She started crying as I said all of this and asked me if I had been spying on her. She and her new husband are my age, 38, and he was in and out of the hospital with anxiety, stomach ailments. She was switching hospital jobs and frankly, the bottom line, they did not have time for their daughter to act up or give them additional problems. He had recently bought guns and a tread mill on a new credit card which both scared her emotionally and financially.

Her daughter visited us (me, wife and at the time 3 children (now 5)) over a summer and we gave her attention and responsibility and, not without some friction, she became a functioning, well-adjusted part of our family. When she went home, it started all over again and she ended up at her grandmothers, in detention homes and finally moved out at 18.

It is not easy once this starts, but it is doable with patience and a desire to bring your family back together. They had no margins and when their child, who should be at the top of the priority chain rebelled out of lack of attention and emotional support, they blew the lid off the roof. They masked and subsituted sacrifices, money, clothes, etc, etc in place of real attention and emotional support. They are not the same. I hope you don’t.

My advice to you is the same as it was for them. Get control - nobody else can. As long as you want the best for your children and you keep them high on the priority chain, you are a great parent. If she has fallen down that priority for you, move her back up. Great parenting is not being perfect. Great parenting is keeping your family’s priorities in line and in focus. Think back to when you held her as a baby and how you wanted to give her the best. Tell her those stories. Tell her nothing has changed, that you still want the best for her and that you want to do a better job helping her to blossom. (Don’t bombard her with martyrdom or disappointment, just love and empathy.)

I asked my sister-in-law to do something stupid, go get an ice cream cone and sit and talk. That’s a pretty innocent moment that kids can appreciate, yet she didn’t do it. She couldn’t find the time to go get ice cream and her relationship shows it.

Again, I’m going out on a limb. Regardless of your situation, it’s not easy raising even 1 child, let alone 4. Get back to the basics and remember, this is your home team. Work to get everybody on the same team. No matter the frustration involved, they worship the ground you walk on.

I wish you the best

Answer 2

Yes, I remember real well what that was like . No matter what you do for them it is never enough .
So I like to suggest you set them all down, tell them to keep quiet and then lay it on the line that you have had enough of it . Make some notes first what you want to discuss .
Probably it won't sink into their thick heads but at least you got it off your chest .If you have tried that already you can re-invent yourself . Go have your hair done, buy a new outfit or get a massage . And promise yourself that as soon as all those ingrates are 18 years old they are out the door .
When they see you stop being a push over maybe they behave .
I did OK in the end but it was a long road and my daughter to this day is a ***** ( sorry) ; some folks are just different and only happy when they cause trouble .
Hang in there, there is light at the end of the tunnel.

Answer 3

What's on u'r mind to take care of stress?

Simple steps like dumping stuff on hair salon/ massage person/ bar tender can be steps to take stress off.

Finding babysitter for kids - 1-2 days to 1-2 weeks depending on what you really need. Hey, if you've hit bottom, 1-2 months. Then get away to some place like Mexico. The Riviera Maya has resorts where you can go as an "All Expense Paid" (Free mini-bar, wine, margaritas, food, entertainment, water sports, no tipping). Sure money may be part of the problem, but if you've hit bottom ... who cares (just make sure kids are tended to).

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16 Year - Old Daughter Stress ... Her estrogen levels are high, and yours are too. Typically Alpha turnover conflict. I didn't have a Mom, but saw how my girlfriends dealt with theirs. Two types of mom's:

1. Alpha Mom - Won't let go of control. Has to win every debate; right or wrong. She's usually mega stressed.
2. Submissive Mom - Gives to daughter so much that daughter doesn't have any means to rebel (natural to rebel). She's usually mega depressed

Both types need to adjust to a new life style/ role. Again, strangers like hairdressers, massage parlors, nail salons, bars, and even Priests can help you brainstorm to get into harmony.

Answer 4

Well I found relief in working out every day. I used to do it when I was in my twenty's and have rediscovered a love of the rush and the adrenaline as well as the release of serotonin helps (its a natural anti depressant) Another added plus is that I have more energy and little things don't bother me as much as they did prior to starting my regimen. You can try that. Most areas have a gym or two that are open very early (about 4: am) and or late (about 11:-12: pm) therefore
it is usually not as much a matter of scheduling as it is motivation.

Answer 5

I am 38 and going through the same thing. I have Ben on anti depressants and have been going to therapy.
You may have to experiment with different meds, it wasn't until the 4th anti-depressant that we found one that worked. It didn't make my life magically better but just a little easier to deal with it.
It also helps to have someone to talk to, a therapist for example or someone close to you than you can confide in and speak honestly about things too.
Lastly make sure you are drinking enough water, eating right, and getting exercise. Power lifting for me can really temporarily reduce my symptoms of depression.
It is a long and hard FIGHT, it won't be easy and you must have patience. Email me any time I would be happy to talk to you anytime.
You are in my prayers and I hope you can find some peace and balance in your life.

Answer 6

Its all a matter of where your stress is coming from. In all probability, if it's the kids -- if they are of the age of reason tell them that they have to cool it before Mom let's them have it.
Tell your husband that you need a break.
Get to a therapist, who might be able to help w/ clinical suggestions.
Find the help of GOD. I left this till last because it is all important, Find quiet, peace, and solace through Him. Even if you don't believe, give it a try. GOOD LUCK.

Answer 7

OH YES I CERTAINLY DO!!!! Little monsters. They can take everything they want but sometimes it's NEVER enough. Behavior problems made me go crazy and I thought I must have lost all maternal instincts when the first one hit 13!!
There is such a temptation to just boot them out the door and say "Fine. YOU run it and PAY for it while you're at it". You're not whining to me. No mother is whining to me!! Been there. Hated it. Felt guilty. Hated that too. Everyone tells you to dump more money on the problem!! Right!! Thanks so much!!! How about I dump the KIDS on YOU instead????
My kids are grown now and have their own children. Thankfully they both live in faraway states so all our phone calls are pleasant and our visits are seldom because it's a long trip. I don't do holiday dinners because they both have their families or their other grandparents to go to see. So we get to enjoy the holidays but we worry it might be "our year to entertain " and dread it like the flu!!! I was so close to one daughter though that we email each other every weekend and she made something of herself on her own two feet, college and all. But the other one--------------well. He turns up every 7 years, like locusts,
and wants money. So there's my tale of motherhood. If I had it to do over???? I'll just go right ahead and tell you the truth. I would NOT have any children. It was too much for what little they remember now and I don't think I was the brilliant example of motherhood that I was so sure I would be. All in all, it was expensive, now we have to worry about our retirement and my husband owns his own company so he has to invest it wisely. As for me, KIDS took the best part of my life and helped me WASTE IT!! My son is still killing me with worry and anger and blame. Because his daddy has companies, he thinks he should have a cushy job where he doesn't have to work or even come in if he'd rather "really live" his life!!!! (His exact words) And our son comes by just to pump us up with flattery and then wind up
trying to con us again. Now was that worth all those teeenage years?? Hell NO!!!!! Hope I didn't depress you, but there are many of us out here, many many of us, who gave their kids all they said they NEEDED to feel GOOD about themselves and now WE have squat!!! I dearly love and treasure my sweet generous husband and I hope we retire in peace and happiness. But we both agree we wasted our talents on trying to raise a family that really doesn't exist, at least not like we thought it would. Sorry if that depressed you. Advice?? Too late for that!! JUST GET THROUGH IT AND HANG ON UNTIL YOU KNOW IT'S TIME TO HELP THEM PACK! Then look forward to Empty Nest Syndrome, Hon, and be sure to look sad. That's the time to cram all you can into your interests before those kids start whining to YOU about your grandchildren, who are (I hate to break it to you) KIDS TOO. Babies used to thrill me but now they look like little teenagers just waiting to grow up and start yelling POLO SHIRTS!!! Stay tough Sister, you are the one that made them but they are the ones that can Break YOU!!!!
I know, I know, all you men, mothers with small children, and people with NO kids-------yada yada yada.
Again, sorry. Good Luck!! @8-[

Answer 8

i would make an appointment with a therapist. sometimes just talking to a neutral party can alleviate some of the stress.

Answer 9

You should see a psychologist who will be able to help you. I can think of no other solution than that. Good luck.

Answer 10

See a psychologist.