Getting Married to somebody with credit/money issues.?

Question

My boyfriend and I are living together have a child together-I have been having certain bills put into his name(cant pay he can). I keep running into he has past outstanding balance's and notices in the mail he will not show me. (NOT PAID BILLS UPTO 4GRAND)! And he claims that he has all this money saved and he will not touch it he wants a certain amount at all times. what should I do? I cant be getting married and bringing there credit issues into my "good credit" history. Is he lying? I sure dont have money to pay his debt. And why wouldnt he take out the money really if he claims that he really has it? I dont get it. What should I do?

Answer 1

I'm trying to understand. You have some of YOUR bills put into HIS name and then complain that he doesn't pay them?

Is your credit good because you are USING HIS credit to "hide" the fact that YOU can't pay your bills.

When I read this, "I have been having certain bills put into his name (can't pay he can)" I get the impression that you have bills that you can't pay and expect him to pay them.

I don't think you should marry him until the two of you can agree on what and how to handle money. Pawning off bills to him because you can't pay, even if you two live together really isn't any better than him not paying them.

Answer 2

Hi,
The fact that he won't show you the money is really suspicious. Thats how people get caught in lies. You should be able to sit down and add all the numbers up and see where everything is being spent. You can do this to the penny if need be but this is extreme and only done in bussiness. 4 Grands is a lot of money. That is not something to be taken lightly. Failure to pay a bill is very damaging. One of the consequences ofcourse is bad credit but also, reposesion of the item. It is also very embarrasing and annoying. You don't want to disturb you nice day by receiving a nasty call from the bill collector.

The other thing is that IDEALLY, mariage is an union. This union also means an union of money. In a good relationship both of you should be able to see how the money is spent. Remember that if you co-sign for an item, you become liable for that item. That is, if you co-sign for a car, the bank will come after you for the payment if the other person does not pays. This is very important. That is why the banks came up with a credit rating. That is the only way they have to see how thrust worthy a person is. A person with a good credit means that even if that person fails a couple of payment, the person in the end will pay. Therefore the bank will aprove them for a loan or whatever. A person with bad credit is a non thrust worthy person. Well, money wise right.

Here is my sugested plan of action:

1) ask him to show you his bank account. Note that now you can check not only the accounts balance but also where the money is spent online. Is a free service from most banks. Every time you use your debit card or credit card to buy something, a record is made of when and where the purcahse took place. The same thing with checks. If a widrawal is made it will also show up in your account sumary. Also, the time of the withdrawal of purchase will show up. Very important hint hint. You can check this daily if you want. It will be pretty simple for him to log into the bank account and show you its history. Its a really good tool. It wil help you keep track of how you are spending your money.

2) Once he shows you the account ask for the password and username. Take control of the account. That doesn't mean you will take his money. All it means is tha you are supervising where the money goes. If you get married his money becomes your money. Worst yet, your money becomes his money. You wouldn't want some person to spent your hard earn money on drugs and prostitues. Now I'm not saying that he is doing that. I was being extreme. But its nice to know where the money is going especialy since is your money.

3) If he fails to do this then exteme measures have to be taken. Legally you cannot access his account. What you can do is call the mariage off. Other things is call the relationship off or other such punishments. The important thing here is to follow thru with it. You can also make compromises. For examples, Let me supervise your acount and I'll give up or let you do X, Y or Z thing. This way it won't seem like you are trying to dominate him.

4) Ok, lets say he agrees. Great, now is time to get organized. Figure out why his bills are so high. Be very suspicious of large widrawals. For example lets say he withdrew $300 two days ago. Today he withdrew $50. What happend to the $300?? You see he spent it on something. The question is what and was it justified. Car repairs, paying a bill etc ect are justifiable withdrawls. Maybe he bough himself a new stereo. Ok, is not justifiable if he already has one but at least there is an item to quantify the expense. On the other hand if you question the $300 and there is nothing to show for it this is a bad sign.

4) Once you see his account and figure out what is going on you will need to sit down and think of a plan of action. It all depends of what was going on with him. If he has some bad habbits like drugs or gambling then you may have to sit down and think if this is the road you want to take. People can be rehabilitated but only if they are willing to do it. No one can change another person unles that other erson wants to change end of story. You aren ot thats special belive me. This is something to think really hard about. It doesn't mean you cannot help the person. All it means is that there is a very hard road ahead and you must think if this is really what you want and what is most convenient for the child.

On the other hand, lets say he just doesn't know how to handle money. This is ok. this is something that can be work easily. You say you have good credit so, take over the accounts. Buget everything and make a plan of action on how to pay everyting off. Maybe you can take a loan and consolidate all his bills into a single low interest payment. Then set some rules. Whenever there is sothing to be purchase verify if the account allows and if the item is needed. For example, he wants new shoes. So you must ask 2 questions. Does he needs new shoes or does he wants new shoes? If he needs them then there is no choice but to buy them. If he only wants new shoes then you must look into the account and see if they can be bought.

Good luck.

P.S. make this a big issue.

Answer 3

If you really love someone credit issues, debts, and money
shouldn't even be an issue between you. Especially if you talk them over and agree on a mutual budget.
My husband had been married and divorced twice before he met me. His ex wife's left a lot of their joint bills unpaid because
they were not working and couldn't pay their share. My husband became disabled before I met him and his income dropped to a level where he could not afford to pay those bills either. Plus he had a lot of bills of his own that he couldn't pay due to no medical insurance and a greatly reduced income.
His debt didn't bother me eventhough I had ok credit. Bad stuff happens to people, it doesn't mean they are a bad person
just because they can't pay their bills. (My husband's debt was
way more than 4 grand. His was closer to 500 thousand.)
I didn't have the money to pay his debts, either. And, yes,
the state we are in is community property, so I could be held responsible for his debts.
After, we got married, we decided that it was in our financial best interest to file for bankruptcy together and get a new start financially.
We've been married 5 years, now. That decision worked out wonderfully for us.
But, if true love is there, credit is not really an issue and neither is money.
The fact that you are bringing up the issue leads me to think that you might not really, truely love him for him despite everything.

Answer 4

It seems you are putting an extra burden on him. How could you have good credit history and not pay any bills. You should have thought about this when you moved in with him and had a child together. You dump bills on him and then worry about your credit history. Maybe he doesn't have as much money as he claims. The child complicates matters. If I were him, I'd kick you out for dumping your bills on him. You should have thought of this before moving in with him and having a child out of wedlock. Maybe you should contact the Judge Judy show. See what she thinks of people living together and not marrying.

Answer 5

Boy this can be a deal breaker for sure. He needs to come clean about his financial status or else there should not be a wedding. You are absolutely right about being married and bringing credit issues into the picture, you worked hard for your good credit and should definitely protect it.

I say ask if he's interested in visiting a credit councellor. Hold your ground. Although money can't buy you love, love can't pay the bills. Good luck.

Answer 6

you stated in your 2ns line your having your bills put into his name b/c you cant pay them,he can. then later on you state you are concerned that your credit good credit is going tobe hurt by him not paying your bills. whats the true story. and also- why should he pay your bills- one thing if married but your taking a chancelegally accepting his offer of paying them (not knowing is he actually is) and then finding out the late notices. your damaging your credit already. and if his names are on the accounts he can be using them. youneed to grow up- pay your own bills and make matters in your control. he may be leery of paying your bills b/c he's worried what will become after your married. right now he's notlegally responsible to pay your debts (maybe nice to do so) not obligated- if he marries you then it's 50/50/. you'd better gets your stuff straight- your story included.

Answer 7

Uh, just so you all know, it is illegal to get someones SS# and run their credit report without them knowing.

You need to have an honest conversation with him about it and your concerns. Nothing can ruin a relationship like money trouble.

Also, do not get any joint accounts or credit cards with him. Keep everything separate so that it won't hurt your credit and don't let him be responsible for paying things in your name if you think he isn't paying things the way he should be.

Answer 8

He likes the idea of someone loaning him the money. His game is to use your credit to finance his issues, and quite honestly, unless he's willing to take his own savings and either use it towards the credit or invest it in something that can earn you two some money over time it isn't worth your time marrying him. What happens if the relationship doesn't work out and no-one wants to marry you in the future over bad credit you have because of him?

Answer 9

Don't marry him yet. You will end up finding out the truth eventually and then all your fights will be about money, collection services calling etc. Why don't you try to pay off your own bills so that you can enter the marriage debt free. By him not paying his own obligations what type of financial future do you see for yourselves?

Answer 10

Dishonesty in a relationship is a sure sign of relationship death.

No, you do not want to drag his money issues into yours and give yourself bad credit in the process. Suze Orman has great advise in this arena.

If he has money stashed away, he should either make debt settlement offers to the collection agencies, pay in full, or pay in monthly installments.

Until he does this he either A) is lying and has no money stashed
B) is financially irresponsible and will drag you down the financial tubes

I wish you the best, and use your womanly instincts.