After being married for 10 months, I was shocked to find out my husband was using. He is in denial and swears he isn't doing anything. I know he is. Is it worth staying? Is there a chance he'll come clean? What, if anything, can I do?
2007-01-17 03:54:40 · 20 answers · asked by JusMyOpinion 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Have him arrested and out into rehab. If he recovers outstanding. If not, re-evaluate your relationship.
2007-01-17 03:57:39 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Don't expect anything from you husband because if he is using there is nothing he can give you honestly at this point. You and your husband need to go to counseling. If you can not get him to go you must go alone. If you love him it will be hard to just jump up and leave. Even when the situation is really bad people have trouble leaving the other people because they feel, for better or worse so they stay and take abuse. Abuse in many ways other then hitting. Spending money on drugs takes away from the family this is abusing the relationship. Counseling will help you get through this before you become a part of it by excepting it. Don't try to tell yourself it alright because it will not be all right until help is given. I understand you must really be in shock, only married ten months to find this out. But the good new it you found out now they years down the road. It will be very hard for you but don't give up. With the proper guidance you will be fine. He is not going to own up to it because he doesn't want to lose you. He will continue to try to hide this from you but like you said yourself he's is using. So don't be fooled by the talk it can be convincing. I know you love him so you must love him enough to get help.
2007-01-17 04:58:55 · answer #2 · answered by relationcounseling 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Hmmmm.... Ten month marriage and the guy is an addict...
First, don't do anything just yet unless there is domestic violence or other abuse. If you're not safe, then leave ASAP. If you're physically safe then stay for now and try to get some stuff figured out.
Start here:
http://www.al-anon.org/english.html
http://www.12stepforums.net/alanonmtgdir.html
Find a meeting in your area and go to it. You need to talk about this and stay after the meeting and talk to other members. Go to AA meetings and NA meetings and learn about addicts. You can't fix this problem but I can just about guarantee you are, without knowing it, part of the problem. Learn about this and fix yourself. This will make it harder for him to do his thing.
I bet you just about anything you've got alcohol or drug abuse in your own family of origin. It may be in an aunt, uncle, or grandparent or it may be in one of your parents but it is there. There is a reason you picked an addict. There is a reason. Find out what that reason is. This may take some time.
Once you learn some stuff and start to do things differently, you'll be clearer on what you need to do. There are no easy answers. It's real easy for people to tell you, "Oh, just leave..." but not so easy to do. If only life were really that simple.
Get to an Al-Anon meeting today and go to one every day for a few months. Go any day you can swing it. Al-Anon isn't for alcoholics but it is for families of alcoholics. You as a spouse of a druggie would be just as welcome as those of alcoholics. The substance might be different but nearly everything else is the same.
Do not try to run this man's life for him. Do not try to fix him. You can't do it. And you could literally die trying. Live your own life and let him live his. This is the only dignified thing to do.
You're in a tough spot. As long as you're safe, take your time and be ever so careful. Your peace and your happiness will depend on how you handle this.
Good luck to you!
2007-01-17 04:24:37 · answer #3 · answered by DearAbby 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
My sympathies for your situation.
You did not say what your husband is using. If it is marijuana, that is not so serious. If it is Crack or Meth, that is extremely serious. Crackheads and Crankheads will go to extreme measures to obtain their drugs.
Do you have any resources such as family or friends, who could help you?
You did not mention where you live, but there is a treatment center in Minnesota--http://www.hazelden.org. Hazelden has treatment centers in other areas as well. As far as I understand, Hazelden has the best recovery rate in the world. They provide free services for addicts who do not have financial resources. It is not a place like Bradford, where they keep the patient there for 28 days and then kick them out when their insurance runs out.
Best of luck to you.
2007-01-17 05:16:28 · answer #4 · answered by Deana 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
if he wont go into rehab then you gotta leave. it is only gonna get worse. find an al-anon group in your area, they can help you work through this, but be prepared, he isnt gonna like it. addicts are the most manipulating people their are. you are in for a long ride be ready to fight for your life. he has to hit rock bottom before he gets back up. dont become an enabler, or co-dependent. so all you can do is pray and put yourself first. I know this first hand I was married to anaddict for ten yrs. and work in a recovery enviroment. good luck.
2007-01-17 07:08:14 · answer #5 · answered by clubchaos1965 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
girl you better run like hell,i was married to my first husband for 10 half years and he did rocks and drink very heavy like a fish and made a baby outside or marriage and stole my money and never help me pay bills or take care my children and to this day he still doin drugs .as long as you stay with him he will keep doin the drugs and may get worst cause we can become a enable and that is not good if you like you can email me masheck4u@yahoo.com we can share more
2007-01-17 04:02:23 · answer #6 · answered by BROKEN AND BEAUTFUL 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
You have two choices: file for divorce because you do NOT want to live with a drug addict; call your local social services and set up a formal Intervention in the hopes that he will go into treatment.
2007-01-17 04:00:18 · answer #7 · answered by AnnieD 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Get him into rehab, do not involve the police this time, but if he refuses or if he does go to rehab and does it again, then its police time and time to leave, it is never worth it staying with a druggie. You might love him, but sometimes to an addict, love is not enought to stop their habit. Good Luck and God Bless.
2007-01-17 04:00:43 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
My husband is addicted as well. We've been married 5 years and even though I've been supportive ,no change. Don't be pushy but don't be a pushover either.If and when he's ready just be his friend.
2007-01-17 04:02:45 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Addicts don't have husbands/wives. They have victims.Get the marriage annulled before something happens.After that,If he quits ,watch him for at least a year before you go back.
By the way, what's he on, Meth, heroin, cocaine?
Marijuana doesn't count as Dope any more.So if that's his addiction forget what I said.Potheads are couch potatoes, not dangerous criminals
2007-01-17 04:07:02 · answer #10 · answered by boatworker 4 · 2⤊ 0⤋
You should expect nothing from him as long as he is using. He's "in love" with his drug of choice. Be straight forward ... either he goes for an chemical dependency evaluation and if it is determined he needs treatment he goes to treatment .... or you are leaving. That is all you can do. It is his choice.
2007-01-17 04:03:15 · answer #11 · answered by morahastits 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋