Engaged and Confused?

Question

Background Information: My fiance and I have been together for 5 years. We have 2 children. 2006 was pretty rocky for us and we are both trying make this year better.

As a result, I have a lot of trust issues to work out. My fiance came home yesterday and was so excited about this job opportunity he found out about. He is wanting to work on the road with several of his friends and can make 3x as much as he does working in our area. This would be such a great opportunity.. Start a savings account for our children, pay off our house, car and he can be able to start his own business (which is really wants). My only concern is the 'emotional' part. Being gone for months at a time in a different city... He has kept things from me in the past and I'm worried that he would do the same now. In reality I know I cannot ask him not to do this... since it really can be something great.. but in the back of my mind and deep in my heart, I know there's a chance of a disaster.

My fiance has never cheated on me but he has lied about important things. He did say he wanted to do this for only a year or two. He has worked on the road before and knows what it's like. It really bothers him thinking about leaving us for a short period of time but I think the thought of having all of our debts paid for and money set aside for the kids, is enough to encourage him do it.

Answer 1

If you forgave him of his previous misdeeds, then you should just let that 'worry' go and start anew like you said. However, if that is how you feel, then the only thing you can do....let him go on his business adventure. If he cheats or does something deceptive, then so be it. You will have to make another decision to continue to stay with him or leave and find someone better. You cannot control other peoples' actions. If he is going to cheat when he is away, he can easily cheat when he is nearby. Good Luck!

Answer 2

So what exactly is your question?

I mean let's be honest here. He could cheat on you while he is out on the road yes...but he could do the same thing at home. It really wouldn't be all that tough.

I would assume that he will probably be tempted to cheat for sure, especially being out with his friends the entire time. The Rocky 2006 doesn't help.

You should probably let him go, but possibly extend the engagement and don't jump into the marriage of something that has a high probability of failure.

Answer 3

I think the first thing that needs to be done is get married. You have been together for 5 years and have 2 kids. What are you waiting for? Being married will make you more secure and him more responsible(and open with you). I don't think being on the road is so bad, because it would mean more money and security for the future. But it is something that should be done for a specific period of time and not forever. You need your man around and the kids need their father.

Answer 4

There is a new song by Martina McBride that says love might be a mistake but love anyway. I have had trust issues with my husband myself. If he is what you want in life you have to learn to trust and fill your heart with other feelings than insecurities. Pick up a hobby that you love and fill your time with that so you don't continue to miss trust. If your fiance is going to do something wrong he will do it in or out of town. This is a fact! If you want you relationship to work you have to be strong and work on letting go of the past.

Answer 5

You are getting so played.

The 3x doesn't go as far as you think when the money is going for 2 households, including his new girlfriend.

Also, just being on the road costs a lot more. You eat out, stay in hotels or rent, have to buy things that you might already have at home, have more transportation costs (additional gas and maintenance) ,and there are just more surprise expenses.

Being on the road for only 3x the money is not all it's cracked up to be.

Answer 6

Yes there is a chance of disaster and money is not everything. This coming from someone who lives payday to payday and sometimes has to put bills off to go to the doctor. I don't have alot of money but if I were in the same situation...I would have to ask him not to do it. Not because I wouldn't trust him but because of what kind of a life that would pose for my kids. Kids need both parents around and that is only going to cause problems both in a marriage and in the relationship he has with his kids. Good Luck.

Answer 7

You need to forget what has happened in the past with the two of you and really start with a fresh new start. Learn from the mistakes that the booth of you have made but keep in mind that this is a new ear and an new start. Be supportive and be honest with each other. Also keep communicating with one another.

Answer 8

I think you owe it to your children, your fiance, and yourself to at least try. Maybe you and your fiance can discuss giving this job opportunity a six month trial run, see how it goes, then agree to discuss the situation and your relationship at that point.
Be open and honest with how your feeling. Discuss your concerns right up front before you decided either way.
He may not agree with me, but he needs to prove himself to you. You also have to be able to move on, and put the problems behind you. Allow him to start fresh.
If it turns out to be more than you can handle, then okay.
Just allow him to be a father, if nothing else.

Answer 9

I would talk to him about this. Make him understand your point. Money isn't everything. Yes it is nice to have, but if it means jeopardizing your relationship with the family then maybe it's not the best right now. Talk it out!!

Answer 10

Not sure what your question is. Be supportive, but let him know in advance the things that you are going to need from him because this isnt going to be easy on your relationship.