whose fault is that?

Question

My daughter is 12. She has a friend who is always asking to borrow cd's and dvd's. She borrowed Gwen Stefani and Justin Timberlake yesterday, and today, the girl's mom yelled at my daughter for letting her friend borrow sexually explicit material! Whose fault is that? Meanwhile, the girl is messing around with boys in the school restroom. Isn't it the girl's responsibility to make better choices? Do you think the stricter the parents, the more the child is going to rebel? (We're very open and liberal, and our children make pretty good choices much of the time.)

Answer 1

oh you are so right. nothing was taboo in our house when our kids were growing up. We are very liberal and open minded. My daughters never lied to me or went behind my back about anything. Ok they may not have told me everything but I respect their right to privacy. Clearly your daughter's friend and her parents have a whole heap of issues they need to resolve. She certainly shouldn't be yelling at your daughter, it definitely isn't her job to protect her friend from explicit material. I'd tell her that if I were you. I think I'd drop some heave hints that her daughter may need some support in the area of family planning as well or they could have a whole heap more troubles ahead than a few controversial DVDs

Answer 2

well i think there are many ways to look at this... i am 19 so i can kind of relate. it is kind of your daughters fault for borrowing her cds. the other girls fault for taking home what she shouldnt. and yours for letting your daughter borrow out cds. but if that girl is doing sexual things in a bathroom her mother should be more worried about that than what she listens to. it could be rap ya know worse music. but all n all i guess the girl should know better. sounds like your daughters friend could be bad news. and yes the stricter the parents are the more the child will rebel.

Answer 3

Um, I think it is the other girls fault, but I dont think that the Gwen Cd is but Justin's is werid and the title is Future/Sex/Love sounds (which may ring an alarm to a parent ). So, if the girl knew about the cd and that her mother woulddnt like it , then it's hers. If not , it's her mothers for not advising you on what she allowed her child to borrow or not. It's also her fault because she is not paying attention to have child very well, if you know that she is messing with boys in restrooms and she probably doesnt.

Answer 4

I think this is just a miss communication, if it alright for your child to listen to sexually explicit material and not alright for the other child you and your daughter should respect her mother's wishes. To solve you problem explain to both girls why she can no longer borrow your Cd's and DVDs. You should also talk to the mother of your friends daughter if you don't want her yelling at your daughter. As the parents of preteen daughter you should keep the communication lines open to avoid confusion.

Answer 5

First of all how old is the friend? If she is twelve and you purchase explicit materials for your daughter and the friends mother got mad at your child than you need to consider if the shoe was on the other foot, what would you do if someone had given your child explicit material. How would you feel. As for the girl is messing around with boys, that is not your concern except if your child thinks it is cool. Kids learn from example, if you respect yourself than they have no choice but to respect you.

Answer 6

Well, in my experience, the stricter the parents the more likely that child will rebel, not all the time though. The girl shoudl be more informed of her choices. If the parents are informing her, then she has no choice than to explore. The mom had no right to yell at your daughter for such a thing!

Answer 7

I think the mother should have more control over what her daughter is bringing into the house. If she thinks that these c.d.s are bad then the mother should have taken them away and discussed the issue with YOU and not your daughter. There is a graceful way she could have spoken instead of acting like a 12 year old herself.

For future reference I would advise you to tell your daughter NOT to loan out anything to this girl. The mother had no right whatsoever to yell at your child. I would not stand for that.

Answer 8

first of all her mother was at fault for not saying that her daughter wasn't allowed to listen to this type of music. second, although I'm not a big fan of either Justin timberlake or Gwen stefani i don't think they have lyrics inappropriate for the age of 12. music also doesn't make you behave the way this girl does in school. there is no excuse for that or for her over-protective mother (or should i say strict because she's not really protecting her daughter from sexual behavior or guys who want to take advantage of her at all) i hope this helps you!

Answer 9

Its the other girls fault! You should contact the other mother and explain to her that her child asked (while you were not in the room) to borrow the Cd's. If she gives you a hard time I wouldn't let the girl come back into the house. Let them play outside.

Answer 10

honestly at 12 the child knows what that parent thinks is appropriate maybe next time you could ask the parent first(just so they don't yell at your daughter) my kids are 8,7,and 2 and know that they are not allowed to watch violent video games and such...they also know when a certain song comes on I/they change it right away....and yes i do believe the more strict you are they tend to rebel.


does the mom know she is doing that in the restroom!!!!

I applaud you for having an open and trusting relationship with your daughter she will learn to be a better adult for what you teach her now!!!!!!