Why is it so difficult to stay commited?

Question

I mean really, how difficult is it to just stay with one person. And if you cant stay committed why would you commit in the first place. I just dont understand.

Answer 1

It boils down to selfishness. People that can't stay committed are the people that cannot put anyones needs above their own. It is all about them, you know who they are. The people that say, what about MY needs, what about MY dreams, what about MY time. The sad thing is they are to delusional to even realize it.

Commitment is all about finding someone you love enough to put THEIR needs above your own. To look out for their best interest. If you want someone who is committed, find someone who isnt selfish and always talking about what they are entitled to.

Answer 2

When you decide to stay committed to that one person, it means that you have come to a conclusion that you like that person and are comfortable with that person and that you both have a lot in common enough to want to be committed . It takes time to get to know that person and so is committment. People don't stay committed very long for obvious reasons like they are not willing to give and take in a relationship, have found someone else better, are not looking for a serious relationship, don't know how to handle the situation and therefore rather break off and find a new one in which case may not even last should the same problem crop up again....And it takes two to tango.....it takes two to really make that relationship work. In today's society where there is a wide range of choices, it is even more difficult to find someone who wants to be committed. It is like looking for a needle in a haystack...but if you have found one....than that person must be worth fighting for and keeping....hope you have found one.....good luck!

Answer 3

I think it is because people naturally grow (mentally, spiritually, emotionally) and change at different rates. A lot of times two people may start out being very compatible, but as they change perhaps the compatability also changes.

There are also biological factors to consider. Most mammals are not monogamous - there are of course many exceptions, but we may actually be going against primitive instincts by trying to stay with one person forever.

Something else that I have considered is societal and cultural issues. Even though we are generally taught that monogamy and marriage are the "right" things to do, we are also taught to want the bigger & better thing in every other area of our lives. Changing technology, everything is "new & improved" - we trade old things in for new all the time. Maybe subconciously we become bored with our old, tired model and are always looking for the next best thing.

Also, coming from a woman who has commitment issues myself, I have never felt that things are meant to last forever and I'm not willing to stay in something that isn't working out just for the sake of commitment.

Answer 4

It is very difficult once the "honeymoon" wears off, usually they say is about 2 years. After that I think you must truly have a compatible relationship and able to give and take with that person. I stayed commited for 24 years, unhappily. I have been remarried for 5 years now, the honeymoon has passed but we love each other still and I think respect for each other is probably the most important thing.

Answer 5

I think that people get married too fast because it's what they think you are supposed to do by a certain age. They don't think about a life long commitment and what that entails. Marriage isn't easy, but it is worth it if you take the time to get to know the person ....really know them, before you get married. People go into marriage thinking that if it doesn;t work out, they'll just get divorced. It's a sad mentality. I think people should take more time to think about the vows. Through better or worse, in sickness and in health, for richer or poorer. I think people these days get married for better, in richness and in health and don't take into account whether or not they would still love the person if they were confined to a wheelchair or if they had to go bankrupt. These are harsh realities of life that can happen to any of us so these things should be considered. Commitment is what is lacking in marriages today.

Answer 6

As long as neither person changes then it is not hard to stay commited.
My ex lost her sex drive after our second child, she refused therapy or drugs. So our marriage was did not work any longer. I could not stay commited to someone that lost interest in an aspect of a committed marriage.
So it depends on the needs of each person and if they are being met.

Answer 7

That's silly. If you like someone you will want to be with them, want them in your life. End of story. Being unable to commit to a person or a relationship is sit com fodder the reality is if a person can't commit it's because he/she is immature, selfish and unable to grasp the true value of the person they are rejecting. Not being able to commit is a sign you're not ready for the emotional and spiritual responsibility of a relationship so stop dating, go away and grow up.

Answer 8

It depends on the reason why you are committed and committing.

For me, it is very easy to stay committed to my wife (and she to me). We believe that the Bible is true. We also believe that the husband and wife is a symbol of Christ and the church. Therefore, by our actions, we are constantly speaking about Christ and the church. If I (the husband) am unfaithful to her, I am implicitly saying that Christ is unfaithful. If I am rough toward her, I am saying that Christ is rough. If she is rebellious, she is saying that the church is rebellious toward Christ. We are symbols and are faithfully carrying out our roles in love toward God and each other.

If a commitment is based on a contractual obligation (the other person staying pretty/handsome, doing things for each other [e.g., cooking, cleaning, mowing the lawn, changing the oil], etc.) then the commitment is only as good as the contract is being fulfilled. However, a marriage is defined biblically as a covenant. A covenant is fulfilled by one person toward the other regardless of what the other person does. By loving your spouse, seeking their highest good and best, it will foster love in return and that love will continue to grow and expand, thus expanding the commitment toward each other.

Answer 9

Are you asking for mere "academic" reasons? Are you having a problem remaining committed, or is someone losing their commitment to you?

Have you given them cause for giving up their commitment to you? If so, then you already know the answer to your question.

Answer 10

It's not all people just some people can't stay committed. Most of the time it is because our needs aren't being met so we tend to go elsewhere to meet those needs.