My ex-husband has custody of our 14 year old daughter. He just sent me an e-mail that he is moving to another state due to job reasons. He is leaving our child where he lives. His Mom will be able to help take care of her.
I had known this for a while and had asked him to send my child to me. I live in another state.
I asked him to change custody legally so that they don't withhold child support from my paycheck each month and he does not have to provide health insurance for her. He said that I am a "legal fanatic" and don't focus on the big picture which is our daughter and her welfare.
I am willing to pick her up, but I don't know if I should also notify the courts as to what is happening.
2007-01-17 02:40:32 · 11 answers · asked by Stareyes 5 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
The best advice that I can give is to get a free consult from a lawyer. Discuss your case with him/her and they should tell you honestly what to persue and what not to. Unless the child is in danger of failing school or her school credits will not transfer there is not much reason for the child to remain behind without the father or yourself. Another thing that you should do is talk to your daughter. Ask her how she feels and what she wants. It seems that you and your ex didn't do that yet. My mother uprooted my teenage sister in the middle of her school year without checking with the new school about her credits and now my sister is going to have to take an extra year's worth of classes because the school would not honor the credits that she had at the time of the transfer. She's also is suffering socially since the crowds at her school all have known each other for years and aren't accepting of new people. We send our children to school for a good education. A part of that education is learning how to socialize with your peers and elders. Children who do not learn to socialize and form bonds with peers and elders have struggles as an adult in the world.
Should your child need to remain until the end of the school year, make plans to seek the custody to start at that time. You might ask the father why he is choosing to leave her behind. A grandparent should not have to care for a child on a long term basis unless the parents are not able to (extreme mental illness, extreme disability, death). If your unable to contact a lawyer (best option because they would be able to best advise) you should contact the court clerk (I recommend going to the particular courthouse to get the full attention that this needs) and discuss the concerns that you have. If he is not caring for the child himself, he should not recieve the child support. If the child is unable to come and live with you right away (for school reasons) then you should see about changing the child support for the grandmother to recieve it so that it gets there quicker and that you know she'll be able to get the things that she needs.
2007-01-17 03:18:01 · answer #1 · answered by Aesea 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You don't mention what your daughter wants. At 14 I am sure she has an opinion and you should take it into consideration if it seems reasonable. Even if you are not the "custodial parent" you still have parental rights. If you child has been left in a state in which no parent is living, I would say yes you can go and get her. If she wants to stay were she is, some arrangment needs to be made so that whoever she is living with has all the legal rights in order to agree to medical treatment and enroll her in school. You are right to be concerned about having everything correct in the legal papers as well. If he is no longer the custodial parent - there is a question as to whether he should continue to get child support. Perhaps you both need to be paying support to his mother? You have lots to work out. Best to consult with a lawyer in your state.
Good luck.
2007-01-17 03:13:38 · answer #2 · answered by CV 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It doesn't sound like he is relinquishing custody, only giving someone the "temporary" right - maybe so your child can finish high school in a place where she has friends. If he chose, he could probably do the same for you, while still retaining his custody rights.
If you want custody, it will more than likely have to go through the Court system. CONSULT WITH AN ATTORNEY on how best to proceed. In a lot of places a child that age can indicate to the Court where he/she wants to live. The Court has the final say, but does take the child's wishes into consideration. Also, In my state, only a court order can change child support even if the parties are in agreement. I can't say it too many times.....CONSULT AN ATTORNEY.
2007-01-17 03:01:33 · answer #3 · answered by Rabbit 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I would suggest that he be allowed to visit the baby at either your home or a public place near your home such a park or something like that. I would as well suggest that you have someone else with you as a over seer of what is going on, how the visitation goes and to be sure that nothing negative is brought up between the two of you. I would not let him take the baby by himself, nor would I allow him to be alone with the baby as he might decide to take off with the child. Since there is nothing in writing at the moment stopping him would be hard and if he crossed over into Canada with the child it would be even harder since he is the parent too. His actions and the way he has talked to you leads me to believe that he is going to have to prove himself that he wants to be a part of that child's life actively and not only occasionally. Personally if he doesn't want to be an active part of the child's life then for the child's sake I would suggest that you ask for him to terminate his rights as a father. Sign them over that he wants nothing to do with the child. The baby and you would be better off in the long run because if this is any sign of how he is going to be now, imagine how he will be when that child is older and can understand more. There are many more men out there who would not only love you but would love that child as their own. I know personally and I as well know that a real daddy doesn't have to come from the sperm of the man who takes on that role. A real daddy is one who is caring, loving, and puts angels above their own wants, needs, and desires. Good luck and wish you the best.
2016-05-24 00:01:41 · answer #4 · answered by AnnaMaria 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If he has custody and he leaves her behind...you can file for emergency custody based on him leaving the state and leaving her with relatives. You will have to file for custody of your daughter. The child support will continue to come out until you have full custody of her and the court orders it stopped. I don't see how him leaving is in any way benefitting your daughter. If you go to get her he can always take you back to court for custodial interference.
2007-01-17 04:54:05 · answer #5 · answered by stacilynn26 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Go to the court and tell them he is leaving the child with his mother and while you have no objection to the mother if the kid is not going to be with the father then she should be with you. But first make sure that the child is going to be in a better environment and have all she needs as her needs are the basis of what if right here.
2007-01-17 02:54:48 · answer #6 · answered by elaeblue 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
You should definitely have legal custody; otherwise, he can come and take the child anytime he wants, as well as continue to collect child support from you. If you change custody, you can collect child support from him.
2007-01-17 02:44:11 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋
If you take your daughter without all the legal paperwork needed, you risk the chance of your ex retaliating against you whenever he chooses.
2007-01-17 02:59:38 · answer #8 · answered by ryanisonthescene 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
yes definitely go through the courts it is in your best interest as well as your daughters
2007-01-17 02:47:04 · answer #9 · answered by Eyes of Green 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
You lost your rights for a reason, let it go.
2007-01-17 02:44:15 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 1⤋