he has mental issues stemming from depression, i have finamcially supported him for 2 years. he makes no effort for me, does nothing to help himself out of his situation, but tries to manipulate me. i feel duty bound to continue his support as he his ill. i care about him but there is no light at the end of the tunnel
i have not got along with my husband for years ( the reason why i had this affair )however now it has given me a new standing in my life and we are are more equal (my husband and i)and get along better now please help i am frightened my affair will commit suicide if i end it i am 51 not a child
2007-01-17 02:28:19 · 37 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
firstly i have been working in mental health for several years and i would imagine your lover would be classed as a 'vulnerable adult' and the law would see it that you had abused him. You don't owe him anything. People are paid to care for people with mental health issues. Turn to the man you love,the one who will care for you,not manipulate you and advise the other to seek help.Which ever one that is.That's up to you.Good luck!
2007-01-17 02:38:14 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I was in the same sort of situation as you are now. I would have to say that most of us adulters use the same excuse as to why we have affairs. You just need to know how to get out of this mess that you got yourself into.
First of all the man I was having an affair with didn't have depression but he had some medical problems and he couldn't work (sure) so I paid for everything. He used the "you can't leave me" because he too knew that I was his meal ticket and he might actually have to really work. I got the calls in the morning how depressed he was, blah, blah, blah, blah.....What a mess I got myself into. So you need to do this if you want to salvage anything in your marriage. You tell this man who you are having the affair with that it is over. He is using the "suicide threat" because like you said he is a manipulater. Chances are he might be very angry because he sees his meal ticket leaving. I would think this would be the time you tell your husband what a stupid thing you did and face the consequences. I would suggest finding out thru counseling why you ventured outside of the marriage so this won't happen again. The one thing that might help your marriage be saved is that you ended it and you told your husband before he found out on his own. Your marriage might not be saved but like me, you knew that this was a possibility when you started the affair. I will say this, I do not believe in the saying, "Once a cheater always a cheater" since I can say truthfully that I would never do this again.
2007-01-17 04:08:14 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
You need to end the affair. What little of yourself is left from the problems of your marriage are being sucked out of you by this guy (the boyfriend) You need to take care of yourself and your own unhappiness. You cannot be responsible for someone who is unstable and unwilling to do anything about it or for you. You need to look out for number one...which is you. YOU are important. If you feel you need to try and help this guy then sign him up with an appointment with his GP, then some support groups etc. Then make your exit. But be aware that he may get so desperate that he tells all to your husband. A harsh reality that you must consider. At the end of it all....whats the worst thing that can happen? Your guy goes on his way, your husband leaves, and you are left with the prospect of a great life! Starting over...isn't always a bad thing. Talk to someone.....
2007-01-17 02:43:22 · answer #3 · answered by K's Mom 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
What you need to do is think about YOU. What do you want? If you want to stay with your husband and end the affair DO IT.
If you want to continue having an affair and stay with your husband , DO THAT , but be prepared to think about his reaction should he find out. Can you live with that?
I'm not quite sure if it is your husband who you have supported for 2 years or your lover, if it is your lover then I think you have given more than enough and it is up to him to get his life together. If it is your husband , Now you feel more 'equal' you need to talk about how you can work together to make your marriage work
( if that is what you want)
Put yourself first! it doesn't look as if any one else will.
Good luck
2007-01-17 21:33:26 · answer #4 · answered by Ellie G 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You say you're not a child, yet you're acting like one. End this affair now. You have no responsibility for continuing this man's support, or anything else. He's using you, can't you see that?
End the affair by telephone and DO NOT see this man again. Whatever things you've left at his place, leave them there. Once you drop this guy, he might want to harm you, which means your husband needs to be made aware of the situation. You've done a foolish thing, my friend.
2007-01-17 02:45:48 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
You cannot be held responsible for what someone else does with their life. It will be their decison and theirs alone. You cannot be held to emotional blackmail. If you want to end the affair then do so, as I have said, it is up to the other person what they do as we all have responsibility for our own lives. He knew the score when you started the affair - that you were married. I don't condone what you did and I have to say that you got yourself into this mess. Sorry. I do genuinely hope it all works our for you and your husband and I am glad you are getting on better now. Good luck.
2007-01-17 03:03:33 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
TELL your husband the truth. If he accepts you for everything you have done (i.e. the affair), quit the affar and get back with your husband and try to make it work - by yourselves, but preferably with a marriage counsellor. If your husband doesn't accept you, get a divorce and STILL leave the guy you are having the affair with! He doesnt seem worth it! You don't seem to be getting as much (or anything even!) out of you affair, compared to him... he is using you!
Good luck!
2007-01-17 02:38:13 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well it sounds pretty bad, but if I were you I would have a serious talk w/ him. If you have talked about it before and he hasn't changed then maybe it is time for you to leave. If he does something to injure himself, that is not your fault, he needs to seek help. On the other hand, no one deserves to get cheated on. If you knew you were going to do that you should of left your husband but now you are in a bigger hole. I would come clean and tell him this way you will not be so hard on yourself and it's just another reason to leave on a clean slate / him. Good Luck.
2007-01-17 02:45:12 · answer #8 · answered by abeauty1102 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
thats confusing
I would say that you should stay with you husband you had made a promis when you got married "in sickness and in health"
As for the other guy.... just tell him that you arnt being fair to him and that you will never be able to give him your whole heart... he should understand. Tell the other guy that you're sorry and that maybe you guys could still be friends.
As for your husband, just cherish the time that you have with him.... it isnt his fault he is depressed
And if the other guy really loves you he will let you go.. WITH OUT committing suicide because that just hurts you even more
2007-01-17 02:35:05 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
If possible discuss the same with your husband and i hope by this time, both of you must be having good maturity and understanding, Regarding the illness of the person you are taking care, has to be advised from the mental doctor, you can't do things alone, take the help of your husband to overcome from this situation.Best of luck
2007-01-17 02:37:19 · answer #10 · answered by yjph 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋