Can't stop spending and lying.?

Question

My husband filed for divorce yesterday because of my out of control spending and lying about it. We have almost lost our home because of me not paying the bill, we constantly worry about not having enough money to take care of everything, and our credit card debt is out of this world high. All the while all this is going on, he knows nothing about any of it. I lied to him about everything to keep him from getting mad at me. Now he has found everything out and wants it to be over. I am a stay at home mom to our child and my stepdaughter, and he earns over $70,000 a yr., so we should have plenty of money to take care of everything, I just don't. He told me things may be able to work out if I can change the way I am. I want nothing more than for that to happen, I just don't know where to start. Someone help me, my life is on the line!!

Answer 1

Go to a counsellor becuase you have a problem. Its not the end of the world though and there is help out there...just not on Yahoo Answers.

Answer 2

You can stop, you just have to decide what is more important to you.

Put together a budget, or better yet, call it a spending plan.

Just like dieting, you can't just stop eating, you have to have a plan.

First part of the plan is to figure out what you spend. For 30 days, record EVERYTHING you spend so you get a handle on your spending.

Then, look at what you can cut and begin to craft the budget.

This is something that you two have to do together.

You can write the credit card companies and see if you can get more favorable terms, I.E. lower interest. Many would rather negotiate with you instead of facing your possible bankruptcy.

Try www.crown.org for biblically based financial planning, or www.daveramsey.com

Answer 3

You need counseling. And you have already taken the first step, which is to admit you have a problem and need help.

Since your spending in compulsive, and so is your lying about it, I'm taking a guess that you have an obsessive compulsive personality. This phenomenon happens when your levels of anxiety are relatively high, and the only way to ease them up is to spend money.

The first thing you need to do is to get busy: a Hobie, a full time or half time job, eliminate your spending methods: checkbook and plastic cards.

I wish you the Best... Rush! Go get an appointment, tell your husband you'll do so, he will be happy to hear that and will support you.

Answer 4

Oh gracious, you sound exactly like my wife. We almost lost everything as well and I had no idea!!! When I did find out I was incredibly pissed to say the least. We have had this happen before and I thought we had worked it out, but it happened again. I finally thought about why I am so ignorant to what is going on. I allow her to control the finances and the bills entirely. I have to partly blame myself for not being more involved. It is so much easier for me not to know and have her take care of it. I have finally learned my lesson about being lazy and uninvolved. We have talked and decided that it would be better if we sat down and took care of the bills together and kept track of all our spending. Yeah, it sucks. I hate it. But I should at least assume some of the responsibility and not lay all of that responsibility on her alone. And she feels better about it as well. TALK ABOUT IT. You will feel better. Good Luck!!!

Answer 5

Start by looking into mental health - I have suffered with depression, & in my bad moments I have overspent - I am still working on that - I look at my bills, what I earn & I sit down & take care of that 1st, then I see what I have left - which isn't much - I'm a single parent - I still get out of control with it - but I have gotten help.

Funny thing is I have always been responsible with paying the bills with my ex, & I know better, but I have trouble controlling it.

Answer 6

Being a at home mom has its wonderful times, but also has its down times.I use to be a at home mom and when I went shopping, it always made me feel better.But as silly as it sounds I felt like I was missing something so I made up for it by shopping. So you need to look at the big picture. WHY are you buying all these things that you don't need. Clearly you know you shouldn't because you lied about it.I think you maybe doing all that spending to keep yourself busy. Every time you go to buy something, you should say to yourself, "Do I NEED this, Do I HAVE to have it to live?" Most of the things we buy we don't have to have.And above all else think of your husband and kids. you have to change not only for yourself but for them. I know its gonna be hard, but just remember your family is worth it! Good luck

Answer 7

Been there and dealt with this myself. Get an attorney as you will need to file an answer for the divorce. Then get in the phone book and find a good psychiatrist. Have him interview you tell him everything, have him give you the written psych. tests. He may prescribe some form of medication and order counseling as well.

Sounds to me like you could be Bi-Polar and this is why you are out spending like crazy and lying about it.

My 1st wife was doing this same thing, she saw a shrink, and then he put her on medication to control the behavior, it straightened her out after about 8-10 weeks.

Answer 8

As you are a stay at home mom then obviously you have a joint account or credit cards to be able to fund your spending. I suggest you apply scissors to the credit cards and get your hubby to give you a daily or weekly allowance whichever suits you best and let him pay the bills. That way he knows how much you have to spend each day and he can control whether the bills get paid.

IF YOU DON'T HAVE THE CASH, THEN YOU CAN'T SPEND IT!!

Answer 9

Get a job and start helping him get on track maybe a part timer in the evening waiting tables or somthing. This will help with the bills and show you actually care about helping the family instead of just taking.

Answer 10

get some professional help,and you to could start sitting down together and doin the bills so he would be informed of what is going on with the bills.and the rest is on you,how much do you really want to be with him,that should encourage you to do better with tellin tht truth and paying the bills and stop spending so much. also you could just get allowance every month for money you are allowed to spend.