How does this poem sound to you?

Question

She looked straight out the window
And walked right through the door
Only god would know, that she wouldn’t be around any more

She started up her car and headed down the hill
Only fate could tell that this was god’s true will

She stopped short with haste
She tried so hard but it was all a waste
The car set fire and the angel’s came down
To take her to heaven and give her, her crown

Now our eyes water and our tears run dry
And, all we can think about is trying not to cry
Sometimes it’s hard with her not around
But we know she’s in heaven smiling down




Xx Rip Daryl “Jeani” Roberts 1991-2006

Answer 1

It inspires even from the darkest times we may have in our lives. Provoking a sense of life and the importance of faith to people who seek it. Truly exceptional

Answer 2

It's a start. Now you need to edit and rewrite, rewrite, rewrite until there is no trite phrasing and your syntax is natural: no one says "She stopped short with haste." And in fact that phrase is redundant: to stop short IS to stop quickly. Work on the meter, also - in some places it is regular, then sometimes it breaks up, not for effect, but just because of poor word choice.

A great poet once said, "I recieved a perfect poem from an angel this morning. With twenty or thirty more rewrites, it might even be good."

Answer 3

Yes...it IS truly exceptional, but I also agree with malcolmgrigg...it should be 'walked through the doorway'.

It's very good, and if you have written and are going to sell it or something, I say, go AHEAD!!

Good luck!

Answer 4

the third stanza is telling us to prepare for whatever that will happen to us at anytime.
the fourth stanza is telling us to have faith that although someone died,they are now happy in heaven.

Answer 5

I like it but i think it should be 'walked through the doorway'

Answer 6

Very tender. Touching. She'll always love you.