About my cheaters question?

Question

Let me understand what I am being told...my husband and I had a great marriage for 12 yrs....he goes to the Gulf Coast after the hurricane to aid in FEMA trailer setup...he is away from his wife and son for 9 months in a hellish situation. Yeah he F'ed up and had an affair with a woman he worked with down there for 5-6 months or so. He comes home, confesses, shows much guilt and remorse. We work our butts off to get through this, renew our vows and are doing great. But I am supposed to believe that because he made 1 mistake he will do it again. He may have broken a vow, but I also made one for better or worse, should I forget my vows also? I think in a lot of situations people find out how weak they are, i am not saying some will not repeat but I honestly feel that for someone to label someone with "once a cheater...always a cheater". Does anyone agree or am I by myself on this one? To err is human...to forgive is divine. I try to live by that.

Answer 1

i did not read the first question, but as a wife whos husband cheated long ago, i can tell you that if he has never cheated before, shows regret and apoligizes and makes an effort to SHOW you that he's dorry, it will be okay. it will take time to heal a broken heart and spirit, but if you love him it will be alright in time.

it sounds to me that you already know what you need to do. hopefully you realize that this is not the best place to come to for relationship advice?

Answer 2

Nope I dont give anyone a second chance to cheat sorry god is in the forgiving business not me . your husband now knows he can cheat again and you will forgive him . You are now his door mat and yes i do believe once a cheater always a cheater . There are degrees of mistakes though and your husband made a 1st degree one . Nope would no l;onger stay with a man that cheated once or ever. He made the choice to cheat he would make the choice to ruin his family . He would have no wife and no son to be with ,if I were you. good luck to you and I hope he does not proove you wrong.

Answer 3

You are on your own here. I can almost guarantee that if you look back, you will see signs that he has done this before. You just refuse to see it.

You say to err is human, to forgive is divine. How about the forgetting part. You are human and every time he comes home late, goes out of town, you will remember his trip to Mississippi. Which by the way, is where my cheater relocated. What do you think the chances are? ??? Little blond, 5'7" about 140. I could give you a name..................

After checking your previous questions, it appears that YOU are in fact the cheater. You are here to justify what you have done and what you will do in the future.
You are a hoser, a loser, and a pig..........

Answer 4

if this isn't a pattern of behavior and it hasn't happened in his past, there is a good chance it may never happen again, he did come back to u. your hubby was in a place away from u, and had an affair, but did show remorse, was sorry, think the men that have a good chance of cheating again on u are the ones that are not sorry, who did not acknowledge the hurt they caused u. she pushed herself on him, or so i remember. he just changed his mind, didn't want that woman down there, probably was just doing it for sexual gratification. nothing wrong with forgiving him, as u have alot invested in him and him being remorseful covers a multitude of sins, opposed to if he was one of these men who felt justified or blamed the wife. u did the right thing, according to the way u saw it.

Answer 5

Ok are u reading what ur writing.. he didnt cheat once.. once is "ONE TIME" period.. he cheated on u for 5 to 6 months of the 9 months that he was gone.. that means he only lasted approx 3 to 4 months of being with out u before he started having an "Affair"... im glad that ur able to hold on and try to work this out.. but u need to face reality alittle bit.. my husband is a lineman and i know what ur talking about with hurricanes etc.. and for u to spew this crap about how hard it is .. girl ur going to have one hell of a wake up call one day..
My father was in viet nam for 2 years.. never once did he cheat on my mom..and u want to talk about hellish conditions.. what about all these men in Iraq right now.. u think that its ok for them to cheat after being gone for 3 months because well the conditions are hellish and their away from their wives and kids?????? Give me a break ur husband was there to do a job..one that i doubt anyone put a gun to his head and told him to do..so he chose the job he had to do, HE CHOSE to be unfaithful.. HE CHOSE to carry the relationship on..HE CHOSE to pick her over u and ur child during those 9 months.. Girl i hope to god that he never cheats on u again.. but wow he's done a doozy of a job, he not only has u accepting of his infidelity , but also making excuses for why he did it.. lol.. to funny.. So what happens the next time he has to go on for a hurricane????? He gets to use that excuse again lol.. TO FORGIVE IS GREAT..but just dont wear blinders.. all it does is hurt u worse IF he does do it again.. Good luck.. lol.

Answer 6

So is this like being a catholic ? Dont commit sins but if you do go to confession say a couple of hale mary's and all is forgiven ? Just because you want to make excuses for your husband doesn't mean everyone has to agree with you. If you think he wont cheat again then go with that. I wonder, did having to go to confession make people not sin again ?? Not as far as I know. Forgive and it gives them the motivation to do it again.

Answer 7

My experience with 99% of men I have know who are cheaters, will always cheat when an opportunity presents itself. They way they think is that after they do it once, it gets easier and easier for them to actually do. I'm not saying your husband will. Hopefully his recommittment to you is honest and true and it will never happen again. I give you a lot of respect for having the courage to trust him again, and hopefully you and your husband will have the life you both wanted before all this. Good luck

Answer 8

Read my previous posts.

If he has never cheated on anyone before, then I could agree with you (with much unease) that he MIGHT not cheat again.

History has a way of repeating itself tho. Whats to say he doesnt go on another mission, and cheat again, feel guilty again, confess again, and put you and your family through this again??? IF that happens, are you going to be forgiving then?
Are you going to let him treat you like dirt?

IF he has never done this before to ANY WOMEN EVER!!!!- Then he might (again... uneasy) not do it again.

But if he has, please try and understand that this is just how he is, and how he will be forever. Do you want to be treated like that? Or wouldnt you rather be honored as you have honored him.

Answer 9

Once a cheater... is not necessarily true. He has proven what he is capable of, and that includes the repentance part also. I would congratulate and encourage you to keep your vows. Take care.

Answer 10

Well depends if he just confessed out of the blue or you sorta found out. Of course you'll might always be wondering whether he's thinking about her or if she was better/slimmer/sexier/wilder/etc.

If you can get over all, you might be able to get through it. However, you'll have to forgive him and not bring it up. You can't try to win every arguement using his affair as a trump card. That'll just wreck your marriage.