My Mum has a really hard problem at saying "ok it was my fault" or "these things happen in life!" She always has to put blame on someone.
She blamed my Dad for having a breakdown last year cause he didn't mow the lawn! Neither did she, I used to walk to their house and do it.
She blamed my sister and I because we hadn't achieved what she had wanted us to achieve in life.
She blamed me because I was born disabled. she blamed a work colleague for bullying and then she said her sis who lived in Australia had died.
She was disgnosed with Heart disease and blamed the family for it! We've also been forbidden to tell anyone or she'll kick us out of the family!!!
I'm petrified of her and I'm 32 and 5'10 while she's 56 and 4'9. What's up with her? Why can't she say "that's life, these things happen?"
2007-01-17 01:45:40 · 12 answers · asked by ? 3 in Social Science ➔ Psychology
I'm sorry to hear about this awful situation.
The plain fact is that your mum is nuts - she sounds as if she has Borderline Personality Disorder.
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Borderline_personality_disorder
At 56 she isn't going to change. So you need to decide whether to put up with her or walk away.
Difficult call - good luck
2007-01-17 01:52:14 · answer #1 · answered by mcfifi 6 · 2⤊ 0⤋
This is a perfect situation of a poisonous person. The only way to make a big enough statement about how this person affects you is to try to use positive and negative reinforcement. Give her three chances in a situation. Next time she says something hurtful, tell her that it makes you feel bad and that you would appreciate it if she didn't do that. If it happens again, remind her that it made you feel bad, and that if it happens again, you will have to stop talking to her for your own well being. Then if she does it again, cut her off until she apologizes and tries to make good. There are two ways it can go, either she will get a wake up and try to change her ways, or she will blame your silence on you somehow. Either way, mom or not, this sounds like someone who is causing you a lot of stress. It will be tough to stand up to her, but it has to be done. Her bullying needs to end. Take care, and good luck!
2007-01-17 01:59:02 · answer #2 · answered by True Dat 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Look up Borderline Personality Disorder.
These folks never shoulder the blame for ANYTHING and always have to have a scape-goat.
There's a degree of megalomania involved and they think they're always right and everyone around them are the devils.
Unfortunately, there's no cure except for cutting them out of your life. Well, there are other cures, but those are considered drastic measures and just walking away would be the best solution.
2007-01-17 01:56:00 · answer #3 · answered by Chick-A- Deedle 6 · 1⤊ 1⤋
hi im not sure but it may stem from way back befopre you were even born...maybe it's how her parents dealt with life, there is a method used called 'system theory' you should look it up and see if that helps....but id grab the bull by horns and try to ask in a calm pleasant way why she blames you for bieng disabled...after all she and your dad made you!!! maybe deep down failure was seen as a bad thing in her family and is so deep rooted and she is scared...good luck
2007-01-17 04:32:58 · answer #4 · answered by cherry 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Some people simply can't accept the consequences of their actions, or face the fact that sometimes things just happen...someone has to be responsible, and it sure as heck isn't gonna be them! This sort of person is often passive-agressive and/or manipulative, heavily into emotional blackmail.
You need to distance yourself from this person, so that you don't catch the disease. Love her, respect her, be kind to her...from a distance. Live your own life, she's already lived hers and is starting on yours.
2007-01-17 03:26:13 · answer #5 · answered by anna 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I don't know what you can do but my mother is the very same...I'm 30 and she's 66!!! She had a really bad childhood and has a hard time not living in the past!!! It's like she has no social etiquette and says whatever she feels to anyone!!! I don't know why she does it but she's been hurting me for years!!! I've grown used to it!!!
2007-01-17 03:27:11 · answer #6 · answered by secret_smile4u_only 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
My partners sister is like that, horrible, evil, nasty person who I and many others avoid at all cost.Your mum is going to end up a sad, lonely, pathetic woman.She obviously has issues and needs psychiatric help and if she does get help she will probably blame you for that as well!
2007-01-17 02:00:24 · answer #7 · answered by pageys 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I have never known anyone to be petrified of their mother before ( call me naive) Surely you must see that there is no reasoning with her, its your dad I feel for, you can leave but he has to live with her. Would it be possible for you to ask her GP to come round and see her? I think the answer is that she needs help badly and won't try to get it for herself. Failing that try to get the social services involved.
2007-01-17 02:03:18 · answer #8 · answered by ☞H.Potter☜ 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think your family spend too much time blaming each other than concentrating on the real problems.
2007-01-18 14:41:57 · answer #9 · answered by tboyd322001 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think it is hard for you for at admit she is wrong because if she does that would mean that she will have to have a reality check.
You can obviously deal with things better than she can. Pity her. Dont be angry with her.
2007-01-17 01:56:12 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋