I have a friend who's husband is a good man, a responsible father and has not cheated on her. BUT his past bothers her and she said that she can handle it but it is pushing her away from him. He is almost 30 now but in his early twenties he was a self described "player" borderline giggalo and he was previously married had 2 kids from his marriage and had problems admittedly because he was immature and he even fathered a child out of wedlock after his 1st marriage but shortly before she met him which he admitted to her he fathered that child but AFTER they were married. But now, he is responsible, upright and open about everything else but he was only 26 when she met him. Is it really out of his system? They have been married 3 years and now and have a child together. He has a high-paying job and takes care of home and is even patient with her moods but she is having a hard time respecting him and opening up to him because of who he was. Is she wrong? What should she do?
2007-01-17 01:26:18 · 11 answers · asked by Magnus01 3 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
To be fair. She has had her issues and he has forgiven her but thier intimacy is stifled because she refuses to let go of his past and nit-picks and has seemingly small reasons not to respect him. She just needs to know what to do. She wants to respect and love him but these things are just always on her mind. He re-assures her but deep-down she thinks.. Once a player, always a player. Once a cheat always a cheat and want to know if she is off the mark or not.
2007-01-17 01:29:05 · update #1
Wow, I would have to say that my husbands past bothers me a bit too, although he has proved to me over the past 6 years that he is no longer the "player" he used to be. He never cheated on me, does not bring up the past and we have a wonderful 4 year old together. It has gotten way easier for me to deal with his past now that it has been 6 years and my husband is now 31 years old. He is the best. I say, if he is not cheating on her and treating her right and providing for the family, then, he matured and he is WORTH KEEPING!! Good luck and tell your friend, don't worry unless he gives her a reason to.... ;-)
2007-01-17 01:32:25 · answer #1 · answered by bradnmich2003 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
i think she has alot of insecure issues she has never dealt with in her past.thats her mess (not his)if the man has been doing his part to regain his trust then she needs to do her part by letting him be a man to her so they can be a family.i'm sure that if he was a player before he can still do his thing and not be with her ,but he is with her trying to make things right for them.if she keeps on accussing the man of cheating he miles well go. without trust in any relationship there is no relationship plus she might even be pushing him away from her because of all the nagging .no man wants a nagging women breathing down there neck all day .tell her if she is ready to loose him keep doing what shes doing.
2007-01-17 01:52:20 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well from what you have described, she has not been willingto let go of the past.
She needs to do this or the realtionship will be doomed.
She knows the past evidently was aware of itr when she married him and accepted it then.I f he is doing as stated, taking care of the family, home with her, why the doubt?
Perhpas the best thing for this couple and I would highly recomend it is to get into a counseling problem and avoid a split or something. theres children involved now, so she needs to think of them first.
2007-01-17 01:34:09 · answer #3 · answered by apostle1938 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Wow! I feel you have every right to feel the way you do. It's not you, it's them, they should have told you from the beginning what was going down. By not cluing you in but up red flags, that will take a long time for you to trust either of them. Trust is something that must be earned. Take your time and just watch your back for now. Let them know it's going to have to take you some time to truly trust either of them. Tell it's there fault for not telling you in the first place.
2016-05-23 23:51:53 · answer #4 · answered by ? 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
My husband and I have admitted to each other we are the only relationship we have been faithful in... We totally are into each other. We both have dicey pasts but the past is what makes up who we are today. If she loves the person he is now she should be happy. He wouldn't be who he is if he had not lived the past he had.
She is not wrong however she cannot stay with him if she does not trust him. If she cannot accept fully who he is NOW and accept his past, it will never work. She can't have it both ways. I believe he should have to earn her trust but once he does she needs to move onwards and enjoy life with him. If she can't do that.... she needs to let him go.
2007-01-17 01:39:41 · answer #5 · answered by RaLoh 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
She definately has issues as all people do from time to time. She should seek counseling to address her obsession with nit-picking her husband to death.
Some people never let a person forget their past, one cannot change the past, can only affect the present and future.
2007-01-17 02:00:38 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
sounds like she's the one that needs to let go of the past can't she see she's pushing him away?we all have made mistakes in the past,its time to move forward and look at what she has right in front of her a good man and father sounds like she may be bipolar,is she a cancer sounds just like one,im a cancer so i know
2007-01-17 01:41:34 · answer #7 · answered by dasani 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If she can not get over his past then there is NO future for them!I realize that he had a detailed past but if he is doing right by her now,she needs to try and get over it!!
2007-01-17 01:31:19 · answer #8 · answered by Lin 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
She needs to let it go. it was in the past and if his current behavior does not suggest he is doing anything wrong, she shouldn't worry.
2007-01-17 01:50:05 · answer #9 · answered by H.B.K. 2 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think she got som1 else in her lifeor she's fed of zat guy or she's really mad coz she has such a loving husband n she's treating him like zat!Shame on her!
2007-01-17 01:38:06 · answer #10 · answered by Zahrah N. 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋