Is my husband ashamed of me because of my race?

Question

Both my husband and I are from the caribbean.He is black caribbean and I am mixed though a lot of people has mistaken me for malaysian,philipino, or thai.
We had no problems in fact he was proud to be seen with me back in the caribbean but since coming to the UK he never likes to walk with me or go out with me in public.
Through the years he has made friends who are white, british and also a lot of black, africans.In fact also had affairs with a lot of black,african women and even had children by one.Now he makes remarks to me about my race e.gHe does not want my chinese hair to be on the bathroom floor.
When Iasked him if he was ashamed of being seen or associated with me he never answers.He has no problems being with our kids

I am not racist I know that.I have emphasized nationalities because that's what the question is about.

Answer 1

I'm sorry to have to say this love, but your husband sounds like a total arsehole.

Do you think he would go along to couple counselling? If so have a look at the Relate site:

http://www.relate.org.uk/

If not, I would get out of there if it was me.

I wish you all the best and hope your life gets better.
xx

Answer 2

It's sounds like if he is ashamed then he has a problem. Your his wife. He said he wasn't ashamed so maybe you should chill and just be by his side. I'm not sure what the term african american or native american mean. Either your american or your not, don't think you can be both. No matter what color you are. I'm irish but I don't call myself irish american. I'm an american because I live in this great country.

Answer 3

Oh Dear!!... You are not the only one, I'm white British, my husband is black, we have been married for nearly 9 years we do have our ups and downs, he still doesn't like to hold my hands if we are out walking, and sometimes make remarks of my hair leaving in the bath as I have long reddish hair, and even tell me off for wearing too much makeup, I always try to look nice for him, I never let myself go, We have two lovely children who are mixed race I do feel for you, but remember he married you, so he must still love you and hes just feeling insecure, give him alot of loving, I'm sure he will come around, it works for me (most of the time!)
I don't think hes ashamed of you because of your race
Good luck!

Answer 4

I seriously doubt it's about your skin tone, as I am a light-skinned Black/Native American man who gets confused for everything BUT Black. It's probably either something you do(as in your behavior in public) or the way you carry yourself(have you gained inordinate amounts of weight?). How is sex between you? Do you often have good, cheerful conversations and what have you told him about your feelings?? I'm afraid you need to confront the only person who can tell you for certain what you want to know...HIM! Talking to these people will only get you confused and divorced.

Answer 5

I think that you and your husband need to have a serious set down talk about your marriage.i think if he was ashamed of you he would have never married you. there might be something else going on in your marraige more than you think . you said he has had children with another women.do you think he is living another life.and for him to say something about your hair being all over the floor is so petty.if he has to go that far to make you feel bad.i would end it .go on with your life.because it sounds to me your misrable and noone deserves that you deserve to be happy.believe me it is hard to let go of someone you shared your life with and i am probably sure you gave him the best parts of your life.it will hurt for alittle while but god will restore your heart again and when he does it will be with someone who will cherish you and treat you the way you've always wanted to be treated .and once again before i go if you moving on, is'nt a option for you .then try to go to councling to save your marriage.i wish you all the best.(Good Luck)

Answer 6

It certainly sounds as though you are being treated very badly. Who can know what the problem might be? None of us, here - but you can. Talk to him. Tell him how badly he's making you feel - give specific examples of his behaviour and tell him why it makes you feel like this. If the two of you can't sort the problem between you and if he can't explain his behaviour, it's time for extra help.

Answer 7

If your husband wasn't ashamed of you when you were engaged, he shouldn't be ashamed of you now. I'd suggest you get away for a while, til he knows what he wants from the relationship, as it sounds like he's a little mixed up about his feelings for you.

Answer 8

I agree with Tinkabell - he wouldn't have married you if he was ashamed of you. Are you sure this is the reason for his change? I think you need to have a very serious sit down talk with him, as it may be you have a more serious problem going on with your relationship.

Answer 9

i think he is ashamed of you, from what you have said. i don't understand that because normally black people do not act like this because they were the most races whom had suffered a lot because from the racist thinking. and what is wrong with Thai or Malaysian races. you should be firm with him and make him stop annoying you. you shouldn't accept his abuse.

Answer 10

YES he is ashamed of you. WHAT HE HAS HAD AFFAIRS AND YOU DONT EVEN CARE????? HELLOOOOOOOOOO!!!!! HE ALSO MUST BE BORED WITH YOU IF HE DOESNT EVEN WANT TO GO ANYWHERE WITH YOU AND IF HE IS HAVING AFFAIRS. YOU NEED TO TALK TO YOUR HUSBAND AND ASK HIM WHAT THE HELL HIS PROBLEM IS HE SOUNDS LIKE A REAL JERK. YOU DONT NEED TO BE WITH HIM FIND SOMEONE WHO WILL LOVE YOU FOR THE PERSON YOU ARE ON THE INSIDE AND NOT THE INSIDE. DIVORCE HIM!!