How do I get my husband to see that his female friend wants more?

Question

I keep trying to tell my husband that the girl he became friends with a few months ago wants more than friendship. She calls him at very inappropiate hours claiming that she is going through some kind of crisis and he talks to her. When I told him how it made me feel he said I was over-reacting and that I have nothing to worry about. Am I wrong for re-establishing a friendship with a person of the opposite sex and allowing them to call me late at night just to get back at him? I feel like I am wrong. I know my husband loves me. But I really need him to know how uncomfortable I am. To be honest, I want the so-called friendship to end immediately. How do I get this across without causing confusion in my household? Please, no negative responses. This is serious.So if your response is going to be that of something negative , keep it to yourself. I need real answers from persons that have gone through this and can help.

Answer 1

I don't think the answer to your problem is establishing a friendship with another man...or "fighting fire with fire" as the saying goes. I would sit him down and have a heart-to-heart with him......tell him the damage he is doing. If that doesn't work, then I would separate for a while....something about an empty bed where you used to lay that brings awareness to a situation. Good Luck!!

Answer 2

Yes, you are wrong for re-establishing a friendship with a person of the opposite sex and allowing them to call me late at night just to get back at him, because two wrongs don't make a right, and you will feel better about yourself if you take the moral high ground. Was that negative? You did ask. In any case, the way you avoid confusion is to be clear and simple in what you tell your husband. You have expressed your feelings and he tried to reassure you by telling you that you have nothing to worry about. In his mind, then, the discussion is resolved. It is now your responsibility to inform him that it is not resolved. Your next step is to tell him exactly what you want, which is to break off his relationship with this woman. Ask him politely but firmly, and tell him exactly what your expectations are. Be nice, but be specific.

Answer 3

While i have no issue with facebook and twitter friends who are female, because it's simply a socializing network thing, making random, in person female friends isn't what a married man needs to do. Sometimes we do have long term friends of the opposite sex,and i don't see a problem with this. In fact i had a boyfriend who had two female friends of 20+ years, and they were part of his social life. Not an issue for me. A married person should know what the limits and boundaries are when it comes to having friends of the opposite sex. And further more, our if we are trustworthy but our partners don't trust us, they need to leave the marriage.

Answer 4

I believe that what he is doing is wrong. If he truly loves you & has the up-most respect for you, then he would not be allowing this bullshit to be happening. I don't see a problem with him being an aquaintance of hers but he should not be buddy-buddy with her at all. When you explained to him that this woman seems to be wanting things between them to go even farther he should have agreed with you and put an end to her calling your home. This is complete bullshit and if I were you I would let him know that he had better put a stop to it as soon as possible. Because it is either you or her! If he truly loves & respects you then he will tell her to quit calling him and for her to find some-one else who is single and cry on his shoulders! You should be the bigger person here and not stoop to his level. That will only give him a reason to not tell her to stop calling him, and it could possibly end your marriage as well.
Good Luck
And
God Bless!

Answer 5

I have found that men are much less likely to listen to their wives about this stuff, then they expect us to listen to them. When my husband and I first got married, he explained to me that some of my male friends were sticking around hoping that we wouldn't work out, and wanted more than friendship...I listened at the time for those particular friends that he was uncomfortable with, and through other pre-marriage male friends found out my husband was probably right...most of my male friends I had before I got married seem to have forgotten my existence...so now I really listen to him when he says male friends want only one thing....but when the situation arose where he has a female friend that I know wants more from him than friendship, he looks at me like I am crazy when I say something....now granted they have been friends since high school...which is part of the reason I know she wants to sleep with him....any time he was sick when he was younger she brought him soup and baked apples...all fine when he told me cuz it was way before we got together....but when I heard that she celebrated his birthday without him even being in the same country as her, with her whole family no less...I knew right then that she still wants to sleep with him....I mentioned it, and like I said he looks at me like I am crazy....like you though I trust my husband, and he and I live in a totally different country so I try not to let the relationship bother me, although it is very hard to do, but in your case I think you have every right to tell him that the friendship should end...you came first, and even if he never is going to do something with her, she is disrespecting you by trying to get him too, and for that alone he should end the friendship...You need to sit your husband down, and explain your feelings and insist that the friendship needs to end...and that you are serious....it may seem small now but trust is fragile and this could blow up into a huge thing with lack of communication between the two of you

Answer 6

Well he is the one causing all the confusion. You tell him to end the friendship or you are going to move out and find a comfortable place to live because you are no longer comfortable in the home. He says you are over reacting ? Sounds fishy to me are you sure nothing more is going on than just friendship. It sounds like to me that you should be worried . Are you wrong ? He-- No you are not wrong and he is the one that is wrong . Sounds like alot more is going on here that meets the eye if I were you I would be investigating this a little bit more than normal . Keep your eyes open . I say alot more is going on here .

Answer 7

I'd be frightened by this too so i don't think you are crazy or wrong. He needs to realise that when he is spending time on her and her problems your needs are not being met. Men like to feel all manly and needed. When she is phoning him with her problems he is flattered because she is making him feel as if he is the only one who can solve her problem. Instead of letting him answer the phone calls from her why don't you? You can then tell her that he is a married man and that she is not wanted in your marriage.
She is getting in the way of your happiness together and you need to make him see that he cannot have a friendship with her whilst married to you.
I feel for you and hope that you can resolve this issue with your husband. He is being incredibly selfish to continue with this friendship when he knows that you are unhappy with it.
My husband almost left me over his friendship with a woman at his work and lots of women that i have talked to have admitted to me that that has happened to them. They did manage to keep their marriages alive but only once the friendship was over.

Answer 8

I have always agreed a relationship has to have trust and stand by this, but your husbands friend is being very disrespectful calling at awkward hours and personally I'd answer the phone and tell her she'll need to call at another time and maybe she'll get the hint. It seems your husband will not do this so I guess it's up to you to do it. This way your not saying he can't have a female friend but that female friend needs to show some common sense about whens the right and wrong time to be calling him. good luck ;o)

Answer 9

I can see your concern, but you don't want him to think that your too over bearing. Just let him know that she needs to not call him late at night because he is a married man. If he were trying to hide something he wouldn't have let you know about it and he would have given her another number to reach him at. If it's his friend it's up to him to set the perimeters. I hated it when my fiance was suspicious of my customers all the time. I was trying to make money & he would be obsessing because a had male customers that will pull out a lot of money. I was at home with him every night and he wasnt being neglected so I didnt understand why he couldnt just trust me? I didnt have anything to hide. So if he is acting different I would definately put my foot down, but if he is still making love to you and coming home on time I wouldnt be concerned with it.

I have male friends that I am very cool with, but I respect their relationships and I dont call them too much or at inappropiate times. Maybe you should conversate with the lady and see what she is about. Once you get to know her yourself you could probably see why your husband is friends with her. Then you wont feel like she is an "exclusive" friend. Catch my drift? :)

Answer 10

He needs to understand that this girl is up to no good. No woman with any good in heart would call another woman's house any time let alone at night. I would be furious.Why do you care about upsetting the household, does he? If you have any way of talking to her yourself I would also tell her that she needs to stay away from your husband, but...He really needs to be the one or chances are she won't listen