She says she loves me but she is not in love with me sexually??? Was this marriage a mistake? Our sex life has never been the greatest but I thought it would get better after marriage. She has said she wished my penis was bigger but i'm average size. These recent comments have hurt me deeply and I feel resentment starting to come in. Every other part of our marriage is great but I feel this might been the start to a very diffucult problem to overcome. She is my best friend and I LOVE her deeply but I'm scared because I don't know what direction I should turn. Lately I have been depressed and stressed out. HELP......
2007-01-16 21:20:08 · 23 answers · asked by going crazy 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Gosh I'm sorry this sucks I wouldn't be able to be with my husband if the sex wasn't there. that really is horrid that she said that to you. She married you what did she expect? She knew what she was getting!
You're going to have to tell her that this creates a big problem and though you love her can't contuine like that.
Do you try pleasing her in other ways, get her really aroused so she can't turn you away.
If she really doesn't want it I'd have to say there was a deeper problem sex for women is very much in the mind where as for men is very physical.
If she felt unappreciated or maybe she didn't feel attractive to you she might draw away. I don't know how your life is so I can't judge but sounds like you'll need to have a very serious talk with her. It's not fair to you Or her to have to live in such sexual tension.
Ask her what she thinks you guys need to do to fix the problem, like they said counseling... A lot of women change sexually after they marry I can't tell you why because i have no idea. But you're not the only one.
You love her but you might regret not getting out of it when it would have been easiest without kids and you might could get an annulment since you haven't been married long. But I'm not suggesting give up but you might want to bring it up to her...
And counsiling before that of course go by yourself or call and tell him/her the situation it might make it easier to go ahead and go and then ask her to come.
2007-01-16 21:28:53 · answer #1 · answered by Katrina 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
How awful to discuss something so private online.
I feel sorry forboth of you.
My marriage was the same too...its nothing new...
You have to put some effort into getting to know each other and sharing your lives together.
Getting depressed and acting like you are a victim is not going to improve matters. It would only push you both further apart and make the marriage even less fun.
You need to maybe go and get some counselling on how to work together as a team. Its difficult to be this negative after only 5 months of marriage.
Go and see a marriage counsellor, and try and change your attitude....diet and interests.
Life does not suddenly become perfect because you are married...Have a look at the marriages that have worked...they are a couple and work together and care for each other...
Respecting the rights of the partner is your first step...and this is not the way to create love and trust in any relationship.
You also sound very young...
Please go see a marriage counsellor...they are available through a doctor or a Community Help group...
2007-01-16 21:28:32 · answer #2 · answered by Maggi 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
This may not be a hopeless situation. How often did you two have sex before the marriage? Any number of things could be the problem. Your wife may be having a hard time fitting into the role of a married woman or fear of having to deal with her choices. I would hold off taking her actions and words personal right now until you see a counselor. Marriage can be a fearful, overwhelming thing and she may be lashing out at you PERSONALLY to get some space to deal but tell her that she really should try to talk to others about her "real problems". Believe it or not if it was your size, I don't think the marriage would've taken place. I knew someone like that and I CERTAINLY didn't marry him, believe me, I didn't do MUCH of anything with him again. I truly believe the problem is deeper than that.
2007-01-16 21:41:35 · answer #3 · answered by MeHurdu 4 · 0⤊ 1⤋
The problem is not having "sex". It is not sex if you LOVE -- it is SERVING one another. Counseling can help her to understand this and you to understand
that you may be doing some things unconsciously which "turn her off" like bugging her for attention. Also, some people don't seem to be able to really LOVE another -- she m a y benefit from counseling in that area. You certainly need help as the entire marriage will certainly collapse if it even is
really a "marriage" at all. Beware some people marry who are bisexual and don't inform the other party and some for financial or other reasons. You MUST find a 3rd party and work on absolute HONEST communication to work this nightmare out. ACT QUICKLY, even if you have to go to a counselor alone.
2007-01-16 21:34:36 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I have one friend in this EXACT same position. And another in a similar. The first got married because he was a great guy. Safe, nice, pleasant, there wasn't a reason NOT to marry him as far as his personality or looks went, but he didn't do it for her sexually. She thought she could sort of ignore the issue that the sex wasn't great. Then she realized she couldn't now they live in the same house but don't have ANY sex. She has a vibrator and is trying to resist urges to sleep with other guys but it's only a matter of time.
Thinking things would get better after marriage was foolish on her part and now she's paying the price.
The 2nd has a guy who doesn't even TRY to satisfy her. She is running around sleeping with different guys. If he made the effort to hold off long enough for her to have ONE orgasm she'd stay faithful. As it stands she's getting her pleasure from someone else but emotionally attached to her husband.
So to youI suggest using your tongue, fingers, vibrators, dildos, strap-ons even vegetables if you have to. Anything to make sure she's pleased. They do have these strap ons that you can put over your penis so its bigger. maybe you should try one of those. Check the link below it may help.
2007-01-16 23:24:43 · answer #5 · answered by Cybrocupid 2 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Man I still have the T-shirt from an unhappy marriage and the whole withholding sex game is the worst ever.
Do yourself a favor and get your options ready, she is hurting you and it isn't gonna get better on its own. Consider counseling, but you better find a good divorce attorney (and believe me, my religion is against divorce so I know it can be hard).
She is showing a true lack of concern for you and your feelings and I KNOW the sex isn't gonna get better when you've been married a long time.
2007-01-16 21:25:35 · answer #6 · answered by Lt. Dan reborn 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Your marriage was a mistake. She is not hardly your "best friend." Yes, you love her, but she does not love you as you had expected or hoped for. You'll discover that fact as soon as you meet the man she is "in love with sexually." Apparently, she has planted seeds of insecurity in your self esteem. As long as you are so madly in love with her, she will exercise and manipulate that power over you, until you have had enough. Save your self some pain and find a less manipulative woman.
2007-01-16 21:39:47 · answer #7 · answered by Mr. US of A, Baby! 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Mistake maybe but you know your heart and she knows your financial benefit in this marriage. Ask yourself is your love deep enough for the both of you and is the pain in the future worth the guilt she is giving you about your member? Hopefully she doesn't get bored when the money is not there in the future.
2007-01-16 21:39:36 · answer #8 · answered by david c 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Your wife appears to be a bit immature. However, if you really love her and would like to make the marriage work, you should not be offended by her remarks, but take it in your stride. She may exhaust herself with her remarks, and then say good things to you. You must behave in a mature manner. It takes more than a big penis to make a marriage into success.
2007-01-16 21:27:14 · answer #9 · answered by wizard of the East 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Your wife may have physical difficulty in achieving orgasm. She needs to be checked by a doctor...but foremost, she appears to have a psychological issue. That is apparent by her comment regarding penis size. She is looking for a reason to justify her disinterest and deflect blame from herself. It is a defensive coping mechanism.
I would suggest couple's counseling, so you are not the one that has to confront her about getting counseling herself. That would put her on the defensive. A good couples counselor will pick up on this pretty quickly (if they don't, you need to change to a more qualified one). Your counselor will be able to guide your wife towards the help that she needs.
2007-01-16 21:25:50 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 3⤊ 0⤋