My husband is critical of every little thing I do.?

Question

He nitpicks over everything and says mean things when I do/say things he doesn't agree with or if he doesn't like the way i say it. I don't like to talk to him, especially about things that are important to me. I don't like to go to him for advice. If I ever need comfort or a listening ear, I go elsewhere.
Both of his parents are very critical. This was something he was told to work on when we went to pre-marital counseling. It has gotten worse since we got married.
How can i better our relationship?

d-u-m-p-s, you are an idiot. anyway: even when I had my mom help me clean the house totally front top to bottom and the house was perfectly clean, he complained about HOW I was mopping the floor! He always finds something wrong with everything I do. He complained one time that when I matched his socks together one was inside out! He does no cooking or cleaning at all. If I ask him how something tastes, he can't just tell me the good, he has to tell me the bad too (even if it was something minor like I forgot to put a fork in his lunch-one time out of fixing him lunch every day for 3 years!)!

My husband was "gifted' with an ability to have a very fast and sharp tongue. Me, I have problems speaking my mind...so when I try to express my opinion he usually can back me up in a corner until I feel stupid and I just want to run away.

Answer 1

Hi there !!

Sounds to me like you should go to marriage counsling again, but this time actually work on what the counsler recommends, not just listen and file away in our mental archieves.
He could be a controling person, he could have serious issues of his own, and if is parents were and still are very critical, this could be a key factor in his behavior.
You should build up your communication and trust with him, as well as him with you. I know this can be an uphill battle, but if you love this man and are commited to your marriage it is worth the fight.
Do you have children ?
If you do please seek marital help, do not allow the children to see him treat you in a non-acceptable manner, they will grow up believing this is ok, and they will let others treat them the way you are being treated.
You should take a heartfelt look deep within yourself,what do you believe a marriage should be like ? How was the relationship of your parents? What are you searching for and have not found ? Are you happy? You say you must go else where for advice, honey that is sad when you can not trust your partner, your other half.
Have a heartfelt conversation , ( you know your hubby, so this should be done when the time is right) let him know how you feel. If you feel it would be best to get your point across to him without fights or arguements, write him a letter. Be cautious on how you express yourself, do not judge or be mean, just tell him how you feel.
Love yourself, if you do not love yourself how can you love another ?
In the meantime, don't allow his nitpicks to get to you, we are in control of how we allow others to make us feel. No one can tell you how to react or act, you have the utlimate power.
You have the power within, search for it, you are so much stronger than you think.Believe in yourself, believe in God, pray to him, go to him.
I pray you find the peace you are searching for,
may your relationship be restored/

I would seek help for your relationship

in the meantime when he nitpicks , just listen to him and keep on doing what you are doing, do not waste your time answering in a nasty way, not worth it.

sometimes coming back with a witty answer for some guys does the trick, but I do not know if this would work for you, he could snap.
Your best bet is to go to professional counsling.

Wishing you a world full of love peace and light

Love light and peace

Answer 2

Wow, this is a tough one...especially since you two were supposed to be working on this issue.It sounds like an acquired action from his family,,,,constant exposure has caused him to do this stuff. It is a communication problem and a control issue. Next time he criticizes something, tell him to do it himself. Maybe you need to return to the counselor and see what happens. You better take care of yourself, you need to understand that you are responsible for your own well being and don't settle for anything less.You married this man and sounds like you knew he was this way before you married.....kind of like you made your bed and you have to lie in it. Better toughen up and get some help.Where do you go for this comfort he won't show??? Some people just are not capable of showing much compassion and nothing will change that.Nothing!!! Accept it for what it is.

Answer 3

Dear Lady, God knows how you got entangled in this mess, but instead of blaming yourself let us work together to find a lasting solution. It depends on which part of the world you are from but b4 that ask yourself a honest question whether you are the cause for it in any way.Just ask him directly what is the reason he barks at you and what is his plans if you want to leave him as it is virtually impossible to continue your life with him.Have you satisfied him in all aspects of your family life together? or does he have any unsatisfied areas? It can also be a cause for frustration between both of you. Where do you live? Try to get a good marriage counselor and discuss this issue or do mail me as I have also been advicing in certain cases. and please do not have a -ve feeling that something has ever happened, it will all be alright one fine day as he himself will patch up things.Just keep your cool and take things as they come day by day. write to me so that I can discuss the other causes that may have influenced him. Good Luck, Bye..

Answer 4

he has to be the one to go get the help needed to stop that.. unless you tell him thats it your not putting up with it and he stops.. being put down and never accepted about anything you do or say will only break your spirit over the years. i know been there done that.. and a broken spirit is not good. when that happens your done with them and then you leave and they act as if they dont know what hit them. so that has to stop now or it will for sure later..sounds like he was treated that way and now he treats others that way but he can break that cycle if he really wants too.. there are books on it also. there is a book called "IF YOU THINK YOU CAN" by T.J. Hoisington get that book and read it.. then have him read it.. once one reads it they go omg thats my life as i have lived it.. it really puts into the for front and makes you look at yourself and what you do to others around you.. good luck

Answer 5

He sounds like my partner, let's swap and give 2 nitpickers a taste of what it's like. But I stemmed the flow of the criticism somewhat. Some things I was criticised for, I just stopped doing them altogether. And now, I'm doing it back to her in subtle ways, maybe I'm getting the message across, I don't know. But I do know it gets you down even if you say to yourself you won't let it.

Answer 6

You can better your relationship by changing how you react to his constant criticisms. If you find that you are constantly apologizing to him, or defending yourself, or worrying that you are going to do something to displease him, then he will take that as permission to keep doing it. He is controlling the situation. Take control of yourself. Let him know that you will not tolerate his criticisms. Then, walk away when he criticizes you, especially if he does it in front of other people. Verbal abuse is just as painful as physical abuse. When he says mean things to you, it is another way of controlling you emotionally. If you feel bad about yourself, if you feel like you can't do anything right, then you will have to depend on him for whatever scraps of love, affection, or praise that he throws your way. Men who behave like this are more dependant on you than you are on them. They criticize to take the focus off of their own shortcomings, and to excercise control. They say mean things so that you will feel worse about yourself than they do about themselves. They need to be in control, and they need to feel superior, and that is the only way they know how to do it. It's all about him, and that's why you don't talk to him about things that are important to you. He has already taught you that if it's not important to him, it's not important at all. I suggest you read a book called, "Men who hate women, and the women who love them" Don't let the title scare you off. I read that book, and could not believe that they were talking about other couples. The conversations that were described were word-for-word the same conversations I had with my husband, and the situations were exactly the same as you described, too. You can make it better, but you need to know how your behavior is allowing him to treat you this way.

Answer 7

If you don't have kids, dump him now. He won't improve, and your life is already in the toilet. He doesn't care what is important to you, you can't talk to him about anything, and he won't comfort you or give you emotional support. What IS he good for? Find comfort and emotional support in a better man. The sooner the better.

Answer 8

Tell him to SHUT UP and let you speak. Not to say anything until you are done talking about the feelings you have towards how picky he is. He will try to turn it around and make you look like the bad person, but you have to stand your ground.

Answer 9

Try counseling again one last time, give it a try. Make him aware that you are doing this to save your marriage and if he doesnt change your gone. He needs to respect you as his wife and stop treating you this way. Give him a piece of your mind and don't be afraid to speak.

Answer 10

Its a shame you didn't marry some you could like.
Go to counselling or your long life will be miserable and don't accept abuse in any form