my huband is very critical of every little thing I do...?

Question

He nitpicks over everything and says mean things when I do/say things he doesn't agree with or if he doesn't like the way i say it. I don't like to talk to him, especially about things that are important to me. I don't like to go to him for advice. If I ever need comfort or a listening ear, I go elsewhere.
How can i better our relationship?

sorry, i accidently put this under the wrong heading...
not pregnant yet...

Answer 1

Sounds like you two would be well served with marriage counseling. It would give you a framework in which to develop better communication skills and to air your problems, fears, issues and anger in a constructive and non-hostile environment.

Answer 2

I'd like to take your side, but from what I've learned, it usually takes two to cause a problem. And I've seen many times when the guy or the girl will point fingers entirely at the spouse, and people of the same gender that you complain about your spouse to, will ofcourse agree with your complaints. I will instead ask you, do you nitpick him the same way? Do you ever say mean things to him? And who starts the problem when in occurs and why? Be honest, because many times, people in relationships like to play "payback" games, blame the other as the problem when they "pay you back", and then you pretend to be innocent victim. If you haven't provoked him to do this, then I'd say you should talk to him deeply, and find out what exactly what causes him to do what he does. Try to work things out together. Don't play the blame game. See eye to eye and learn more about each other to get a better understanding of each other and grow closer together.

Answer 3

I have to say I am in the same boat and disagree with Yu down below.

I think some people grow up in environment where there parents had this dynamic and they think it is ok.

I am working hard with my BF to see if he can stop this....I have been in other relationships and I know it is him.

We get home from work or wake up on a saturday and every first word out of his mouth is "why" in an annoyed tone. "Why is this here?" "Why are the blinds open" etc... Everything he notices is usually an accident and not a reoccuring issue. "We forgot to close them before we went to bed", The "remote" or whatever is there because it must have fallen off the couch.

"Why does it matter" is what always goes through my head. Close the blinds, pick the remote up off the floor...move whatever seems out of place.... why does it require discussion if it is not happening everyday. For example:

Since we have lived together, I have changed the toilet paper roll every single time (I often go in bathroom and empty roll is in holder). One day, I purposely did not change and you guessed it, as soon as he goes in "why didn't you put some paper on here?" (the extra rolls are right beside toilet on spool). If I say "I just missed this once -- just change it, I do it all the time, " -- he will declare that he "always does it". I sometimes feel like I am in the twilight zone.....

If I leave my coat in living room once every six months he will say I always leave my coat there. If I point out his six pairs of shoes that live in the living room as counterpoint, he will say that at least they are lined up neatly, but my coat, hanging on back of chair, makes room look like a mess! I think six pairs of tennis shoes pushed against the wall looks worse.... but thats just me I guess.

His pile of shoes often grows, but I NEVER tell him to move his shoes or make any comments whatsover. I never mention when I change the toilet paper that he did not do it. I just quietly do it.... I do not see the point in pointing out every small oversight or error in my loved ones ways.

Why make some one feel bad over tiny things?

And like you I feel we can't discuss much. An idle comment that I prefer one restaurant over another or one shop over another, always, ALWAYS, leads to him defending whichever one I think is inferior. He can't stand for me to say anything negative about anything even if I couch it positively i.e. "God I love the pancakes here, too bad Such and Such Cafe doesn't have these on the menu, but there omlettes are better there". This will cause him to say that Such and Such is fine, why don't you like Such and Such..... So I have learned to keep even irrelevant silly opinions to myself.

I don't know if he will ever change. Not sure if it is right that I simply speak less and less. Hard to be on eggshells.

Answer 4

My honest opinion is that you cannot do anything to better your situation.

He sound like he wants to control your relationship.

Do you watch Coronation Street. There is a new saying called Doing a Charlie.

I was in a relationship like this. You cannot change them.

You need to be with someone that will want you to be yourself and air your views.

In time you may grow to hate him. Don't let it get that far.

Part as friends if you can. Don't give him the chance to remove your personality.

Answer 5

If you're pregnaunt right now, please discuss this with your Dr. Hormones tend to make a pregnaunt woman emotional and men just can't cope with it sometimes. Mine could'nt. Aside from that, I can only advise getting some counseling....either from a mental health agency or from a church. In the meantime, rely on your family and friends for a friendly shoulder.... But you really should be able to turn to your hubby when you feel a need for support.

Answer 6

maybe he as a lot of self-hatred and it sounds as though you
have no self-esteem otherwise you wouldn't have marry him to
begin with much less stay with him.
it will take both of U to make this friendship\relationship\marriage
work. if he isn't willing to work on himself and the relationship;
then you need to find the strength and encourage to get out of it
and go on with your life.
talk to your pastor as a couple or just u if he isn't willing and your
pastor should be able and willing to help you out.
remember that some people have a marriage and some have a
slip of paper. u need a third matural party to help you work things
out. and remember 2 that verbal abuse is still abuse.

Answer 7

Nature of a person cannot be changed, so adjustment will be the best policy to be happy.

Answer 8

what this got to do with baby names and it sounds like you two need on thing counsling either that find some one more worth your time

Answer 9

Honey, You need to have comunication to make this relationship work if you can't have good comunication it will never work. Tell him how he makes you feel, Good Luck

Answer 10

its all up to you, u cant help it,, my dad like that too to my mum, I did the same to my ex without realizing it :( damn it,,,,

It hard to change people,, you gotta talk to him and make him realize its wrong, I know he must be stubborn like my dad, so ,,, its about accepting,, really ,, sorry for that, I know how it feels, I hate that,, and that %#@% traits has become one with me too :( at least I m aware of that,,,, I hate it,,, I hope I can remove that $#@ behaviour that made me lost my gf,,,