My wife asked for divorce. What should I do??

Question

She has been asking for a divorce in the last 2 yrs. The day after we had a big argument, she was walking out of the door with suitcase and my 10 yr old was sweeping and scared. Confused and lost, I called the police. That painful memory haunts me every day since then. All day long, she finds every opportunity to blame everything on me & ready to start a fight . I have been trying everything I can to please her. Communication with her has been tough if at all possible. She resist to listen. Everything has to be her way. One blink will cause her to explode and the family will be in turnmoil. I find my daily life nerve wrecking and difficult to cope. Should I or her seek couselling? Should we just go ahead with a divorce. What about my daughter?
Should I continue to beg for love/care from someone that don't care anymore?

Answer 1

I would try counseling. If that doesn't work, you may HAVE to divorce (though, I personally don't approve of the practice). After all, sometimes a peaceful house with seperation is more condusive to your childs well-being than two parents that are together but always fighting (even if you DON'T pick the fight). Do everything you can to keep it together! If you find that utterly impossible due to her lack of cooperation, split! But make SURE you have a hand in raising your daughter (don't leave her without a father figure!)

Answer 2

The major problem that you have done here was not putting on paper what was going to be hers and what was going to be yours. I think that you need to talk to a lawyer about this. It won't cost you millions of dollars to just talk to a lawyer. But you need to make sure what she in entitled to. Now that your wife has moved out people could be filling her head with lots of things. People could be telling her that she is entitled to half of what you have. And that could be why she's not signing the divorce papers. Another reason why your wife is not signing the divorce papers and the reason why she starts to fight with you could be because she’s angry with herself for asking for the divorce. Is it possible that your wife made a mistake and she just realize now that she does not want to get a divorce? No matter what the reason is that your wife is not signing the divorce papers you have to get to the bottom of this. You should try to meet with her and try to find out what is really going on with her. If your wife tells you that she wants more than what you gave her because she found out that she was entitled to half of what you have then you are going to need a lawyer. Like it or not your wife may want more and maybe there is nothing that you can do about it. If that is the case then I think it's cruel that she would go after your house knowing that it was yours to begin with. But as you know that going through a divorce sometimes make one realize that a spouse can be mean, cruel and selfish.

Answer 3

If one person wants a divorce it means they want a divorce. People don't usually come up with a quickie wish for a divorce. They take years to think about it before they ever talk about it or reach their decision.

Talk with your wife about ways the two of you can work together to have an amicable divorce and one that is the least upsetting and turmoil-producing for your daughter as possible.

You are a grown man, and yet you are presenting yourself as a "confused and lost" person who just happened to call the police on your wife when she tried to leave you. Maybe you were "confused and lost", but when you called the police on her you pretty much sealed the deal as far as her never, ever, being able to forgive you and wanting a divorce more than ever.

There is no point and no dignity in "begging" for love from someone who doesn't care any longer (and, again, with whatever else you've been fighting about that police episode pretty much makes you look like a lunatic).

Again, work together to make the divorce as reasonable and friendly as possible. I believe a divorce does not have to mean a "broken home". It can just mean "separated parents" in a family that - in spite of the separation - remains strong.

Answer 4

Honey! Why !!!? Have YOU and your WIFE, been doing this to yourselves ,let alone having your DAUGHTER share this living Hell!. How dare you both have this atmosphere, for your child to live in. If you both are suffering with it ,how do you think she feels. This Child is being traumatized unnecesarily. She is also blaming her self for it all. Thinking if I was nicer, prettier, good etc. Mum and Dad wouldn't be fighting and unhappy.You didn't just wake up one morning and have an enormous fight, come out of the blue, like an asteroid landing on your relationship. There would have been many ,many signs.You Both need to Grow Up and get Councelling A.S.A.P. Like 3yrs ago. Would have been the right time.
However. this has gone on and it's time to begin to sort it out. So contact your local Church, Salvation Army, Community Services, to get councelling they'll direct you to the right people.This is going to take quite awhile to clear this mess. Now that's if your Wife concents to go anyway. It's a 50% chance that you could stay together or Divorce after the councelling. But either way you need to repair your relationship with each other and individually with your Daughter. If Divorce is the only answer after you've both done everything you can . Then you both leave it being whole individuals knowing you have both done your best. Knowing that you will be able to continue a good, caring relationship with your Daughter ,whom ever has custody. Right now it's a very Toxic Marriage and frankly I think it's run it's course. It's just breeding resentment and anger and sadness for all. It can be a killer if you keep things as they are now. Ibelieve, People come into our lives for as long as they need to be, to help us sort out our own individual baggage. If it's a good relationship we move on,having grown and become,more fulfilled people looking forward to life, and the persons we'll meet along the way who'll appreciate us for who we are..Good luck to you All
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Answer 5

Your question made me cry, I am so sorry for what you have to go through as well as your daughter. Definitely a counselling for you and your daughter are a must, however I am not sure about your wife because if you suggest it she may explode on you again for suggesting it.
I am a teacher, most of the children in my classes here in Sacramento came from a broken household but the children are much happier living in a home of one parent bcause they cannot stand the fighting between parents. They feel very sad when parents fights, they blame themselves most of the time. Your daughter will be sad if you divorce the mother, its natural. But eventually she will understand the reason and she will adopt to her new family environment.
I asked my students once,
Which is happier living with two parents fighting or one happy parent?100% of them raise their hand on the last choice.
The reason why I was crying when I read your question is because 16 years ago I was in a similar situation, I have left that marriage and my life and my children grew up with normal happy life. I also have found a partner that love me unconditionally.
I hope you and your daughter will have a happy life. GOODLUCK

Answer 6

Marriage counseling is worth a shot but only of she's willing to participate and by that I mean actually get involved in trying to fix things. I am divorced because we went to counseling but I was the only one trying to do anything.

There is a point when you have to decide if this is how you want to live. You are worried about breaking up your family because of the impact it will have on your child, what kind of message are you giving her about marriage? What kind of image are you creating of yourself?
I know that it's very hard to do whats best for you when you have your children to consider but how can you care for your child when you are not caring for yourself. How can you expect your child to establish healthy relationships in life if she has a bad example to work with?
If you do determine that divorce is the best or only option, definitely consider counseling for your daughter, children tend to take the separation hard but counseling will help with that. Do not let your wife take your child away from you, be an active part of her life, she will understand the reasons for the divorce as she gets older but she will never understand why one parent or the other wasn't active in her life.

Answer 7

No one should have to beg for love/care from anyone. Maybe that is your problem. Maybe she finds you too needy. I definately think you both owe it to yourselves, your daughter and your relationship to go to counseling. Whether you can work this out or go your seperate ways, hopefully you will both be more knowledgeable, stronger and in tune with each other so your daughter can maintain a good relationship with both of you. Has your wife had a physical in the last couple of years? It could be a health issue if this has all come about in the last 2 years. However, you need to take a long look at yourself and try to discover what and why things went wrong. Please, go to counseling - with or without her. Good luck.

Answer 8

Maybe she feels like there is something missing in the relationship. Maybe you guys should try marriage counseling. If that doesnt work then at least you know that you tried. Make her believe that you want to fix the realtionship. A divorce will be hard for your daughter but at the same time it can be a good thing. She doesnt need to see her parents fighting all the time

Answer 9

get the couseling for you coz you cant make her do it.. its you that needs to deal with the things happening.. sounds like she is or will move on and you should also.. dont beg for someone to stay that doesnt want to be there because she will just leave you again in the end and you have put off what should of happened anyway and wasted good time. the time to heal and move on and meet others. i know been there done it.. you will find you deserve to be happy and she does too. your daughter if shes not handling it well would need couseling also.. she needs to know you will be ok and her mom will be ok if they move on in life. she will always be your daughter and will always need you in her life. then she can have the best of both worlds.. you happy and enjoying life and her mother. good luck

Answer 10

Hey. I think a divorce is best. My mother divorced two insane men and I turned out better for it, very well indeed. From her divorces I know that no matter how difficult something is, or what the immediate consequences, it is worth it if it will allow for a peaceful life. Believe me, if you go through with it, in three years you will feel lighter and breathe more easily. Your child too, will welcome the peaceful environment and lack of tension and even if she doesn't understand now, she will grow up and probably take many helpful lessons from it. My sister is thirteen and witnessing the second divorce, she will know in future that nobody has the right to make her life miserable, and if they do, it is partly her fault. Go with it and live your life as if it is yours. Your kid will be fine...I know I am.