My husband and I had our first baby about three 1/2 months ago and he's sort of acting funny now. He isn't interested in me anymore, it seems...he's barely kissed me the last week. He's a hard worker and a great dad, but I feel like we're roomates instead of husband and wife. Well, he recently started a new position at work and for the last couple of weeks he's been kind of 'fixin' himself up for work. He quit wearing a hat and now he fixes his hair, he shaves before work when he never did before, he even puts on his cologne which he never put on unless he was with me before. Idk. He hasn't really given me any clues that he's up to something, but I just get a feeling he may be. How do I confront himi about it without his thinking I don't trust him?
2007-01-16 18:22:27 · 21 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
More info: We're 23, I gained a considerable amt. of weight during my pregnancy..don't know if that would make a difference but I'm trying to get it off, we argue a lot about little things, especially the fact taht he won't quit smoking, we never really do anything because I don't like to leave the baby with anyone and Im a sahm and I don't really want to get out anymore.
2007-01-16 18:30:17 · update #1
You know, the time right after you have a baby is a difficult adjustment period for many reasons.
First of all... your husband just witnessed you have a baby... that can kind of put a damper on sexual feelings for a while.
You are both sleep deprived, he has to share you with an infant now and he didn't have to before.
Your body is all of the sudden this wonderful life giving machine and not just there for his amusement.
You're emotional right now, all women are! And he is adjusting to your new roll as a mother.
Give it some time and don't worry. I am sure that since he has a new position at work, he probably wants to do well at it. He has a family now and things like job performance are all of the sudden far more important than they were before.
Just make sure that he knows that you love him and are still interested in him. You may have to pursue him a little. He might not want to pressure you before you are ready!
Don't read to much into it... enjoy your new family and relax, everything will fit into place before you know it.
2007-01-16 18:34:35 · answer #1 · answered by flappymcp 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
First of all I would talk to my hubby in a loving way not act over emotional, accusing or nagging like, so mind your tone of voice.
Discuss the changes you are aware of and the changes he also would be experiencing new baby and all. I suppose what you are needing is reassurance that all is well and as for him quitting cigarettes that's another huge hurdle again more changes, so don't nag especially if you think you feel your man slipping away from you after all that's a lot more important isn't it?
You don't want to add extra strain and pressure on your relationship.
Speak to him honestly and try finding some time for you and him to be close just the 2 of you let your family mind bubby for a couple of hours.
If your breast feeding that's great cause that will help pull you back into shape and drink heaps of water no munchies at all, you need to feel good about yourself and congratulations on your new baby.PS Don't wait for him to come and kiss you plant one on him every morning before he leaves the house and tell him you love him every night and thank him for being a good dad and hubby
2007-01-17 02:53:08 · answer #2 · answered by deb m 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Personally I think your seeing more than what is really there. You have gained some weight, all women do when pg, you can lose that.. You just had a baby 3 months ago and your body and hormones take time to adjust back to normal..
Your husband got a new position at work, so that would make sense why he is cleaning himself up, which he should be doing anyhow.
Now that you have a baby you need to make sure you make time for your husband. Women tend to often leave their husbands out and it does bother them.. Used to do things together, now you wont leave the house.. You need to get a sitter and go out with your husband..
Marriage always comes first, THEN the children.
Please do not confront your husband, when a woman does that in reality she is accusing him. The only time you should ever confront them is if you have PROOF!
2007-01-17 02:42:42 · answer #3 · answered by Mommadog 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
!st babies in the house usually change the relationship drastically....just because they require alot of attention. Now that you've noticed your husband acting differently, you need to ask yourself..."how much differently am I acting towards him?" Perhaps you're more tired than before....changing & caring for a little one does that. Perhaps you're not as dressed up for him as you used to be. I'm only guessing...but alot of times husbands kinda take the back seat when baby arrives...especially if you are nursing.
Unless he starts staying out late at night...or working alot of overtime...you don't need to confront him...but you DO need to start lavishing some loving attention on him. He's workin hard, and when he comes home..you're tired or busy with the baby...you need to show him he's still you're #1 special person in the world. If he doesn't kiss you....then you need to lay one on HIM!!! Sometimes...just gotta rev that engine before someone else does it for you.
2007-01-17 02:41:32 · answer #4 · answered by StugglingwithZelda 1 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Those are usually the telltale signs that either something is happening or about to happen. He started a new position, so the benefit of the doubt should be given here. However, let him know that you're feeling insecure about the relationship and see how he re-acts. He'll either be re-assuring or he's going to seem distant and withdrawn. In either case you'll have a better idea of what's going on in the realtionship.
2007-01-17 02:40:10 · answer #5 · answered by gg55 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Girl, you need to take control of your life once again. You need to be fun and inviting for him.
Remember that you are the link between your baby and him. So, you need to balance them both in terms of attention and love. Find someone that you can trust to leave the baby with and go out with him, or he may find someone to go out with.
From what you are saying, it seems like he is detaching himself from you. He probably feels left out. I know that weight gained during pregnancy is a killer. Work at it, not only for him but for yourself as well.
I'd advise you not to confront him now and build up a wall between the two of you. Its obvious that you need to make some changes on your path as well. Adjust them and things will fall into place.
2007-01-17 03:49:42 · answer #6 · answered by Nats 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I wouldn't get all worked up about it. It's more likely he's just preoccupied with this new change in position at work and hasn't really settled into it yet. As far as him fixing himself up before work now maybe it's how he feels he's expected to dress for whatever he's doing now. I can see why you might think he's up to somthing because he's not paying attention to you and getting all pretty before he goes in to work but it's not like it's somthing he just started doing out of nowhere. The guy got a promotion. Just go give him a kiss instead of waiting around for one and things should go back to normal as soon as he gets used to his new job.
2007-01-17 02:37:19 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Thats just the way men r after a baby. Once he get use to the baby makes 3 u will see things getting better. He maybe just full of joy over his love for his baby now if he was not cheating before the baby I wouldnt think his cheating now just relax and let him enjoy the new baby its not just about you 2 anymore. But things will get beteer:)
2007-01-17 02:41:13 · answer #8 · answered by ashlee s 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Before suspecting him of seeing another woman, why dont you freshen your self first. Try to dress pleasantly, look neat and tidy and cook his favorite meals and do all things he likes and appreciate.
If that does not work, get more information about his work like the need to look smart, smell nice and tidy his hair etc..Does his new work requires him to do that. If all that is not a requirement in his new job, well he seems to be channeling his attention elsewhere. Be on a lookout, he is cheating you. Hope not.
Good Luck
2007-01-17 02:53:24 · answer #9 · answered by sonisunny 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Having a kid screws everything up for a while until you get used to all of it. If he got a new job, does it require him to be more groomed? Remember, your hormones are still going strong and then there is the overwhelming feelings of the new baby, so take a breath and relax. You might just want to communicate with him some of your feelings.
2007-01-17 02:38:11 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋