I think my husband hates me, he says he loves me but doesn't act like it. What do I do?

Question

I've asked him. We've been going to a counselor. Its just become so hard and I'm on the verge of depression. If I say something like "I heard this on the news today..." He has this attitude with me for telling him because he apparantly already knew about it. Well, I didn't know! I had just heard it. He never tells me he loves unless I say it first. He becomes hateful to me but then eventually apologizes. He NEVER looks at me, even just to speak to me. I feel like he takes me for granted. He tells me hes hungry and he says from that, I should take it and make him something to eat. He never just asks me to make him something, then I wouldn't mind so much. He doesn't like my cooking but expects me to cook anyways and doesn't understand why I don't want to. When we get into an arguement, he picks up our 21 mo old son and seems to "hide" behind him. He doesn't act the same way with our daughter who is 6 mo. He eventually stops and apologizes to me for all the meanness, but when will it end

and how will I know when enough is enough and have the courage to walk away. He has said so many mean things to me, but then turns around and is nice to me. When we fight, he threatens that he will take my kids away from me. Threatens that he will make me look like a bad mother. But like I said, he stops and realizes what hes doing and apologizes. Im so scared right now. I don't know what tomorrow will bring and can only pray it will be another good day. I have so much more that I want to say but I don't want to take up anymore of your time.

Anu U, Ive given him so much attention, he still doesnt look my way. He says he thinks he needs Viagra or something. I think he is just turned off by me. I do everything for him and then some and he says I do nothing. He thinks because he pays the bills, everything is his. He thinks all I do all day is sit on my a.ss all day. I wish I could trade places with him for once but thats all he would do is sit on his a.ss.

Everytime I try to communicate with him, he says its none of my business.

Answer 1

You get treated like that because you allow it...Tell him to fix his own food. If he doesn't talk to you go visit a friend or someone that you can have a conversation with..He is a miserable excuse for a human, and wants you to feel awful like you do...don't waste any more precious on feeling bad, go on with you day, visit family, make friends...do something out of the house..Let him set in his misery....

Answer 2

I don't quite understand the question. Maybe you could give some examples of him not helping you the way you want. He mows the lawn but not short enough? He got the wrong kind of milk at the store? He's doesn't make love the way you want him to? If your husband is a good man and doesn't run around on you and is reliable and cares for you, then you have got it made. What is it that he won't bend on that you want so badly? More details would be helpful.

Answer 3

He's being a jerk whether he means to or not. I don't care if he apologizes to you after he says it. Maybe he's stressed at work or something else is bothering him. Try telling him how you feel. Let him know it hurts you when he acts this way. If he doesn't make an honest effort to change then maybe you're better off without him. He's threatening to take the kids and trying to make you out as the bad mother because he knows it hurts you. You do sound depressed and I don't blame you if you're being treated like that. You need to get help for your depression. You should also talk to a counselor or psychologist about this. His behavior is not going to end as long as he is getting away with it. You deserve more than this. I probably shouldn't assume he's a jerk. He may be depressed or frustrated with his life and not know how to deal with it. Instead, he takes it out on you. This relationship isn't healthy for him, you or your children. Is the counseling helping at all? If not, maybe it's time to leave. Good luck to you!

Answer 4

"Would you treat your best friend that way?"
OMG! Don't let some people make you feel worse!
Its obvious to me that you love him, or why would you even ask.
Respect is a 2 way street. Don't let him make you feel like crap all the time.
This can destroy you if you don't get help. Maybe you need someone to talk to besides us.
I'm sorry, but he doesn't act like he loves you ,and this will just get worse. Don't take his abuse personally! He's not happy (or he feels guilty about something) and he wants to take it out on you. Don't let him. Don't argue with him. Don't appear to be hurt especially if you are. This is what he wants. When he sees he doesn't have any effect on you anymore, maybe he will change his tune. I hope it works out for you. Otherwise, I'd say maybe you should talk to a lawyer. Good luck to you. Remember to keep smiling! You'll get through this!

Answer 5

First of all you should relax. Maybe your husband's body language is not consistent with his verbal communication. What he speaks and his body language is not matching. This may trouble you, as you are close to him, but slowly you may accept it. Maybe he is suffering from Work Stress, which is slowly eating him from inside and he is unable to concentrate on his family life. You must communicate with him and find the thing that is causing him stress. Slowly you can relieve his stress. The very fact he apologizes, means, that he is suffering from some problem, which is outside the house, but eating his inside slowly. Maybe, only you can help him. Do not get offended by his behaviour, meanness, arguments, bad behaviour etc. He is a patient, he is suffering from some stress related mental problem. Try to understand his problem and try to give him some relief. In the long run he may be thankful to you

Answer 6

It will end when you put a stop to it. There comes a time when a woman must make a real stand. That you have taken the step to go to therapy and take him along is good. But is the therapy doing him any good? What progress have you seen?

In my experience, men who have had this kind of behavior are seeing another woman. Now, I am not saying this to try to discourage you or anything of the sort. I am simply talking as a woman who has been cheated and has gone through what you are going through before. It is always good for us women to be prepared, because our hearts, as strong as they may be, they are always more fragile than men's... because ours actually feel something.

Maybe you should bring that up, as a question or inquiry that may have to do with his motive to the ill treatment, not as an accussation, into one of your therapy sessions. The therapist will be able to tell if he is lying or not, and you will be able to find out there and then. The decision is yours afterwards.

Answer 7

Has the counseling helped the relationship? You can try to do more supportive things for the relationship but you have to know when to give up. You have to think about yourself and you children. You need to do whats best for the family. He must like your cooking a little if he is telling you he is hungry. I need to stand up for yourself and actually talk to him. Dont let it become another arguement. Thats the last thing that you need at the moment.

Answer 8

This is comeing from a man. A man does'nt relize what he has or what is realy valueable to him until it's gone. I'm not saying walk out but deprive him of what he is use to. Start liveing life for you and your children, make your self happy. But first I would try to have conversation to discuss how you feal and why he treats you the way he does. Is it physicsl, financial or he is dealing with some personal issues he has not shared with you. Most men start acting that way because they have not yet accomplished what they set out to accomplish at that point in their life. If you love him figure out whats wrong, whats going through his mind. Don't fight back, kill his hate with kindness and he will see the error in his ways. It takes work and dedication so belive in your relationship because you might have to carry the both of you for a while. Stay strong, men need a strong women, thats what makes us great. If he does'nt tell you I will. I love you and keep your head up!

Answer 9

I can't say I agree with the "someone on the side" answer. I'm a husband and display some of the same characteristics (although I don't threaten to take the kids away or somehow destroy my wife's reputation). When my wife and I first got married, we didn't really realize how hard it was going to be. I couldn't stand to be around her and I was mean to her. But we talked about our problems, even when it didn't seem like we were getting anywhere, and it eventually got better (took 3 yrs.). We now have a 3 yr. old and 1 yr. old. I guess the point is that he may feel like he's failing you in some way, and doesn't know how to deal with the problem. So he somehow decides that you ARE the problem, even when you're not. This can take time to adjust. No, you shouldn't be the only one making changes, but someone has to. If you know there's something you can do to change (within reason) the situation and make it better, do it. It's better than scarring two babies for life by involving them in custody battles and other things. You don't know what he could do if it were to come down to that. In other words, there's no "just walking away." This may just take some time. But he should make changes too... your counselor should know how to advise you to approach him.

Answer 10

i think he also loves you. but he is does't have sense to express it. almost all couple fight but one good thing is he apologise for the mistake, very few people do this you should be happy. love and take good care of him as time passes he will understand you better and hope for the best

Answer 11

are you two living in two separate worlds and only come to gether to collide? There is not one positive thought in this entire letter. no hope no caring just complaints against this man. What drew you two together to begin with,? I believe you have forgotten he is your husband. would you treat your best friend this way? If there is to be any resolution, an attitude change is required on maybe both your parts