How do u stop hate and resentment and anger-forgiveness I guess?

Question

I was 12 now 23 my mother told us 5 that we ruined her life and if she had it to do again she would have never adopted 5 kids. We were great kids everyone always said so . She died in my mind that day and I have hated her (not loved her since) but why does it hurt so much. It is crippling my life. She is on lots of meds too so I understand the why and some how for factors but how do I rid myself of all the hate that is eating me up and crippling my daily emotional life. I can't keep friends anymore because everytime I have an encounter with her I get psycho and cold. All cold. My boyfriend calls me sweet and sour because when I talk to her I go ice. It hurts him and me cause i hurt him and i am tired of being angry. But she is still pissing me off and emotionally damaging my younger brothers. Fear and intimidation are her parenting tools along with manipulation and head games. She is shifty and gets what she wants. Treats other people better than her own. I want to feel and love???

Answer 1

I'm guessing that you are the oldest or the second-oldest and since you were one of the first few to get adopted which explains the reason you feel so much hatred towards her. I believe in the power of confrontation will help clear up all the resentment you're harboring. I think you need to sit down with her and have a real intent conversation with her to let lose of this.
I can help you through this whole process (if you want me to) because I have a degree in psychology but I decided to go into life coaching. Just click on my pic and e-mail me so I can help you. I can see that you are looking for closure with all of this.

Answer 2

Forgiveness is the small part … your real challenge is adapting to this new stage in your life.

You're on a difficult road. When I traveled that road I fell every step of the way. Dad was a lung-transplant patient, took Prednosol that made him MEAN. My whole life, he was the most patient and levelheaded dude. When he got on medication, well, my identity and role in the family changed.

You have been forced to have a new identity too. This identity is one that you do not accept, or want; and this duel personality that you're showing to friends and family is normal until you find acceptance with your new identity. Similar to when you learned to walk, you have to fall down many times to get good at navigating the responsibilities you’ve inherited.

Medicine can alter a person’s personality. I thought my dad was buried in “Pet Cemetery” and came back as the un-dead after he got on med’s. I found that his complaints were his way of healing from his own insecurities; and I’m thankful that he had that opportunity and that I in turn was able to take the pain and heal with his input. Hard times, but worth the effort.

He died a few years back … but with all the drama, I have a more secure life since together we worked to resolve parent/child issues. Yoga helped major … rollerblading alone at park therapeutic … and singing my lungs out while driving kept me from screaming at him. If your parent is near death (2-5 years) I would recommend the book, “Losing a Parent - Practical Help for You and Other Family Members” by Fiona Marshall. Grieving sometimes starts while the person still lives.

Feeling and love ... you don't know it ... but the stuff you are going through is feeling and love; it's just not like in the movies, this is real. I promise you that by keeping at it, in time you will see the benefits of this challenging time you're going through and how much love poured into your life.

You're boyfriend too needs to accept your new identity. They say our personality changes every 7 years. So, when you two make it through this phase of your life, well, you'll be ahead of most couples. With him, well, you have to stop talking and find other forms of communiating like: hugs, holding hands, nose kissing. Pretend you're "Arial" (Disney's Little Mermaid) and the wicked Sea Witch has your voice for 1-2 hours of your time with him. Then you'll find the tender love you have for yourself (the best medicine for you - for love come from within).

Answer 3

did you ever stop and ponder as you walk along the strand that lifes a bitter battle at the best?
and if you only knew it you would lend a helping hand and every man could meet the final test.
the world is but a stage my friend and
life is but a game and how you play is all that matters in the end.
and whether man is right or wrong a woman gets the blame and your mother is your dogs best friend.
then up came mighty casey and strode up to the bat and sheridan was fifty miles away,
for it takes a heap of lovin to make a home like that on the road to where the flying fishes play.
so be a real live paliac' and laugh clown, laugh.

Answer 4

Have you tried sitting down and having an honest talk with her?
It may help if you tried imagining being in her shoes.
If you're younger brothers are in such danger than get some government officials involved.
Take a stand. Turn your hate into something productive, especially if you believe your brothers are being mistreated.
IMO emotional abuse far outweighs the physical.

Answer 5

Well, I think you should probably seek help for your younger siblings. And you shouldn't hate her. Some people are just crazy and don't know how to be proper parents. They confuse abuse with discipline. You are not her and you do not need her anymore. You are old enough that she does not have to be apart of your life. She is a fool that does not realize what she is missing. Don't let her ruin your day. It takes two to argue so remove yourself from the equation. Other people's problems shouldn't make you feel bad. **** em. Life is too short to carry unnecessary baggage.

Answer 6

Fu ged about it.

Hug a little more, cry a little more, and smile a little more. You gotta do less thinking, take some chances, and have some pride. Enjoy life without taking offense and let people show you the world.

Put one foot in front of the other......

:-)

http://www.5passions.com/onefoot.html

Answer 7

Gim.