sex but will complain all day about me not having sex with him,will watch porn excessivly in front of me and make comments like when will we .or if were watching tv hell say somethingb like even tony sopranos wife has sex with him. i feel he is being insensitive because im not ready and scared. i had an ectopic pregnancy and the doc had to remove my tube it was a life threating situation. im afraid to have sex emotionally and what if it hurts . he says i love you regardless and am not pressuring you but he will not let me live it down. we stayed in new years eve and he kept switching from porn to the ball drop on regular tv. i felt uncomfortable becaused the last thing i wanted to think about was sex i still feel like crap and sex almost cost me my life so i was not in the mood.what should i think .is he an insensitive prick?
2007-01-16 17:36:53 · 8 answers · asked by Anonymous in Pregnancy & Parenting ➔ Pregnancy
from a womans point of vies, YES! i've never had life threaning surgery due to sex but i've had achild and thats not an easy recovery either and he was used to geting it everyday, and he went 2 wks without it, yea he made some hints toward it but he accepted that I wasnt ready and he if really does love you tell him to shut the F**k up and wait till you're ready or get the f**k out. Period. You just went through a life changing surgery and if he can't support the fact that you aren't ready then he's not the one. My husband KNOWS when i'm not in the mood and holds me, not try to JUMP IN THE BED or make me feel guilty about not wanting to sleep with him. Thats love no matter how you look at it.
2007-01-16 17:47:22 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Yes he's being insensitive, probably because he's feeling terribly insecure and thinks he's never going to have sex again for the rest of his life.
Men are simple folk. He needs reassurance that you still want him even if your not up to the deed at present. Sex is very closely tied to a man's self esteem. In partnerships, when you have sex with a man it's an expression of love.
He's trying to excite you into having sex with him to reassure himself that you still love him and don't blame him. He doesn't understand that it's a total turnoff after you've had this horrific fright. Sex for a women is all mental. If your not happy or your not well forget about it.
I wouldn't worry about the porn. That's just desperation to find something to attract and excite you. He's just trying all he's knows. The guilt trip is also desperation to find out whether you still love him. Women aren't wired up the same way.
Try having a sense of humour about the porn. Pat his shoulder and say "don't worry, your day will come. Luv ya".
Re-enforce that you love him, want him, are attracted to him but that your just not ready yet. Don't go for much explanation he'll only hear five percent and still feel insecure.
In turn you need to work on recovery both physically and mentally. Look you've lost a baby, body part and experienced a huge fright. As hard as it may seem, try to remind youself that this too shall pass.
Your partner clearly desires you. Okay he's not being terribly clever right now but he's never going to get it from a women's perspective.
Take the time to heal and in the meantime offer up hope to halt the desperation tactics (he might start resorting to walking around naked in public displaying his wares).
2007-01-16 19:31:22 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
He has sexual needs however you need to understand the drive for males is very strong. So strong they tend to look for it elsewhere and it is more and more permissible to go ahead for males and they go ahead and fulfil their flesh. If he was truly sensitive he would probaby say hey I know your scared but I am dying here what do you propose I do? I think If you have the proper birth control there is nothing wrong with an attempt if he can be careful and not hurt you. He is being a bit of a prick about the sex but he also has a tremendous drive and both war inside of him. If he was good he would not watch porn and he would be by your side. But noone is perfect. It is a mixed bag. I think you have to come up with a compermise.
2007-01-16 17:45:38 · answer #3 · answered by xx_muggles_xx 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It seems that he is being pushy, which is insensitive, but have you explained all of your feelings and concerns to him? Does he know how scared you are and were? Does he understand how life-threatening an ectopic pregnancy can be and how emergent and important the surgery to save your life was?
Relationships are two way streets. If you want to preserve your relationship with him, you need to have him turn off the porn, get his mind out of his pants and have some serious and open conversation.
2007-01-16 17:43:26 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Although his behavior does sound rather insensitive it may be that he is scared about your condition too, he's trying to focus on something else and unfortunately that is his next want (other than a healthy you) which is sex. Its horrible to say but hormonally speaking men are "hard-wired" for sex. They usually "need" it more than women do. Try to bear with him. As far as your fear to have sex. I totally understand that. I would suggest talking to your doctor to find out if there is anything physically you should worry about or a reason that you still shouldn't be having sex. If you are okay physically according to the doctor talk to him or her about your mindset (your fear of having sex) maybe the doctor can counsel you on getting over your fear or refer you to someone that you can speak to. Also, you may want to try telling your boyfriend how you feel about his behavior and his comments, and also how you feel about having sex. He may not realize just how much his behavior is affecting you.
2007-01-16 17:50:51 · answer #5 · answered by newsoutherngirl 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
i had two ectopic pregnancy in the past 3yrs so i know what your feeling your boyfriend sounds like a **** hole if he act that way he should be more understanding to your needs and feelings.sex was the last thing on my mind when i lost my baby by ectopic pregnancy my partner was very understanding to my needs and feels which I'm very thankful him for being there for me in my time of need. Your boyfrind need a kick up the **** girl LOL
2007-01-16 18:21:13 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
You need to sit him down and talk with him about how you feel. He should be much more sensitive to you in your situation. If he refuses to understand, you might need to consider counseling or perhaps separating. You deserve someone who respects your feelings.
2007-01-16 17:42:55 · answer #7 · answered by Smurfy Keeps Going and Going 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
He is a total jerk. I would suggest you find another boyfriend, he has said more than can be taken by his actions.
2007-01-16 17:45:31 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋