is spoiling your kids causing a breakdown in morals?

Question

i have always spoiled my kids because growing up i was homeless a lot and had nothing. i always wish that i could go live with my cousins because all my aunts and uncles were middle class people with jobs, homes and stable. my mother however was always on the run and was very unstable. i went to 15 schools, lived on back porches, and ate grocery store toss outs.
in some ways i am trying to keep my kids level headed without ever letting them go without anything, but recently i learned those cousins with teachers as parents have grown up to be arsens and murderers. the other cousins with farmers and nurses for parents are now serving time for soliciting children and fraud. is this what becomes of kids that dont struggle?
it is important to me that my kids continue to donate time and energy to those less fortunate,and that they know that the life they live isnt how all get to live. as of now, they seem to get it,but if they will grow up evil hearted ..i will be broken very hearted.

Answer 1

Wow your life sounds like a success story in spite of the odds you faced! Give yourself credit for loving your kids and wanting the best for them. It's great that you make them aware of the less fortunate. It sounds like you're on the right track and loving your kids not spoiling them.

Answer 2

You seem to make this association:
Having "all" - immoral
Having nothing - moral
Having less might be a stimulus for gratitude, and gratitude is a great motivator for morals.
Having everything for free might generalize into beliefs like "I have to have everything I want quick, whatever it takes".
But having less might also lead to "I have to do everything, including crime, in order to survive". I am happy for you that you didn't got this belief. Congratulations.

I think it's all about the people that you take as models. When a child likes someone, s/he might integrate fast that person's values. If you are a role model for them, and you have good morals, they will have. Seeing you deciding morally in your life might be suficient. Being fair in relationship with them helps a lot. If you also provide them your story and other stories in which they can find the positives aspects of acting morally, than it's easier.
It's also useful to explain the world to them and to teach them to think critically about their environment.

We want responsible and independent individuals for a healthy society. As your children grow, the responsibilities have to change. A small baby gets pretty much everything for free. It's not the same for a 10 year old. Thnk about the responsibilities according to age as aims.

Providing for your children what they need doesn't mean spoiling them. If you have a good relation with them they will follow.

You can not fully control the future of your children. Just put aside your fears. Don't over-control them. Let them learn from their mistakes. They have more chances to become nice individuals than criminals.

I wish you all the best!


I recommend you this book:
http://www.emotional-literacy.com/osp.htm